WEBVTT

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("Blood Gulch Blues")

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♪ Roses are red and violets are blue ♪

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♪ One day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue ♪

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♪ It's red versus red and blue versus blue ♪

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♪ It's I against I and me against you ♪

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♪ Violets are blue, roses are red ♪

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♪ Living like this we were already dead ♪

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♪ Hop in my car it don't have any doors ♪

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♪ It's built like a cat, it lands on all fours ♪

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♪ My car's like a puma, it drives on all fours ♪

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<v Grif>No!</v>

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No!

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<v Donut>Is he ever gonna stop screaming?</v>

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He's been up there for hours.

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<v Sarge>Simmons, shut him up!</v>

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<v Simmons>Hey Grif, shut the fuck up!</v>

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Get down here help us check out the base!

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<v Grif>No! No!</v>

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No! (sobbing)

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<v Simmons>I don't think he's even listening to us.</v>

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<v Grif>No!</v>

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Actually that time I was answering your question, no!

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<v Sarge>Ugh, go up there and get him Simmons.</v>

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<v Donut>If he keeps screaming like that,</v>

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he's gonna pass out and fall off the cliff!

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<v Sarge>Cancel that order Simmons!</v>

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Donut, get me a sniper rifle.

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<v Donut>Yes, sir!</v>

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<v Tucker>And then he says, "Did I read it?</v>

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I already ruined it."

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<v Tex>That's disgusting!</v>

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<v Caboose>I don't get it.</v>

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<v Church>What the fuck was that?</v>

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<v Caboose>Hey, Church.</v>

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<v ->Hey.</v>
<v ->Huh?</v>

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<v Church>Isn't anybody gonna ask me,</v>

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"What happen to your body Church?"

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<v Tex And Tucker>What happen to your body, Church?</v>

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<v Caboose>What happen to somebody, Church?</v>

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<v Church>Hell if I know, all I know is:</v>

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I was sitting there talking to Gary, and-

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<v Tex>The Bomb?</v>

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<v Church>No that's Andy, Gary is the computer.</v>

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<v Tex>I don't even know your names half the time.</v>

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<v Caboose>I know my name.</v>

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You can ask me if you forget.

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<v Church>Hey, can we please focus on me?</v>

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<v Caboose>By the way, he's Church.</v>

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<v Church>Yes, thank you, Caboose, she knows.</v>

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<v Caboose>He is the mean one.</v>

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<v Church>Thank you, Caboose</v>

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<v Caboose>See, he is mad.</v>

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Now he'll just stare at me until I stop talking.

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Then, when he thinks I am done talking,

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then he will start talking again.

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<v Church>Okay, I was talking to Gary and-</v>

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<v ->Told you so.</v>
<v ->Goddammit!</v>

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<v Caboose>Classic Church.</v>

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<v Tucker>I wonder if a ghost could have an aneurysm.</v>

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<v Church>Anyway, I was talking to Gary</v>

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about the great destroyer,

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who at the time, we thought was Tex.

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<v Gary>The Great Destroyer has arrived, the end is near!</v>

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<v Church>Whoa, come on Gary, Gary.</v>

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stop, stop, stop, stop.

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Hey, if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy,

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then who is?

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And that's when I turned around and I saw...

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<v Caboose>Saw what?</v>

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Saw O'Malley.

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<v Church>What the, Caboose, get out of the story man!</v>

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No, it wasn't O'Malley.

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<v Caboose>What was it?</v>

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<v Church>Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you.</v>

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<v Caboose>A helicopter?</v>

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<v Tucker>Yeah Caboose, shut up.</v>

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<v Church>Hey Tucker, your interrupting now too.</v>

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Everybody just get out of here.

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<v Tucker>Me, I'm just trying to punch up the story line.</v>

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Check this out.

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Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing.

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Hey is it hot in here?

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Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor.

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This breast plate is so itchy.

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Bow Chicka bow, whoa, stories over.

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<v Tex>You're a pig.</v>

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<v Tucker>I didn't even get to the part</v>

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where the sailors show up.

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<v Tex>Just tell us, what did you see?</v>

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<v Church>Um, it was really big, thing.</v>

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<v Tex>That's your story?</v>

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You saw a big thing?

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<v Tucker>Ah, my story had a big thing in it too.</v>

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You just didn't give it time to develop.

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<v Church>Well I didn't really get a clear look at it.</v>

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<v Caboose>At Tucker's big thing.</v>

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<v Church>No, dumbass,</v>

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at the big thing in the base that attacked me.

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All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth.

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<v Tucker>Kinky.</v>

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<v Church>Seriously, dude, cut the shit.</v>

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We got a situation on our hands.

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<v Tex>Well how did you fight it off?</v>

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<v Church>Fight it off?</v>

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You must have me confused when someone who's brave.

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I got the hell out of there.

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<v Tex>You're telling me that you left your body behind?</v>

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<v Caboose>I had to get out of there fast.</v>

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That body was just dead weight.

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<v Caboose>I know the feeling.</v>

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<v Church>What is that supposed to mean?</v>

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<v Tucker>(laughs) Some slimy toothed monster</v>

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scared the crap out of Church!

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<v Tex>He didn't scare the crap out of him.</v>

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He scared the soul out of him.

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<v Tucker>Oh, it's Church, what's the difference?</v>

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His soul is made out of crap.

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Stupid crap for soul.

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<v Church>For all I know,</v>

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he's in there chewing on my body right now.

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<v Tex>Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours.</v>

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<v Tucker>Bow chicka bow wow!</v>

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<v ->Oh shut up.</v>
<v ->Shut up, Tucker.</v>

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<v Tucker>Somebody call for a really hairy plumber.</v>

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Bow chicka bow wow!

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<v Church>Tucker, shut up.</v>

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<v Tucker>I came here to lay some pipe.</v>

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Bow chicka bow wow!

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<v Church>Tucker!</v>

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<v Tucker>So I hear you got sisters.</v>

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Bow chicka, we're twins, wow Wow!

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<v Church>Shut up!</v>

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<v Tucker>Hey are you a model or famous actress?</v>

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Bow chicka bow wow!
<v ->Shut up!</v>

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<v ->Bow chicka bow wow!</v>
<v ->Shut up!</v>

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Shut up!

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<v Grif>No!</v>
(gun bangs)

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Whoa, no!

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No!
<v ->That was close</v>

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<v Simmons>Thank you sir!</v>

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<v Grif>No!</v>

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<v Sarge>Donut, you are going outta turn.</v>

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<v Donut>I thought I went after Simmons.</v>

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<v Sarge>No, we go in line.</v>

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It goes you then me, then Simmons,

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then back down to me, then you, then me, then me,

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then Simmons, then me, then me, then Simmons, me,

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me Simmons you Simmons me me me Simmons you, me,

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then me again.

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It makes perfect sense.

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<v Simmons>But doesn't that mean you go twice as much?</v>

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Or, 10 times as much?

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(gun bangs)

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<v Grif>Ow!</v>

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<v Sarge>This is the best game since Grifball.</v>

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<v Grif>I'm not comin' down!</v>

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<v Sarge>Hey, Grif!</v>

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Move back and forth like one of those ducks at the carnival!

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(gun bangs)

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No, don't duck, that makes you harder to hit.

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Act like a duck!

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<v Simmons>Wait a minute, that was my turn!</v>

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<v Sarge>This is the Lightning Round.</v>

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<v Simmons>Who's in the Lightning Round-</v>

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<v ->Me.
(gun bangs)</v>

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<v Grif>All right, fuck this, I'm comin' down!</v>

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(gun bangs)
Ow, I said I'm coming down!

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<v Sarge>Yeah, buzzer-beater!</v>

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Take that you stupid duck!

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(guitar riff)

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<v Tucker>We haven't seen that alien thing come out,</v>

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so it's probably still hiding in there.

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<v Caboose>Or, eating Church!</v>

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<v Tex>All right then, let's roll.</v>

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<v Church>Okay, here we go.</v>

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<v Tucker>Uh, we're not moving.</v>

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<v Church>Yeah, yeah, okay, here we go.</v>

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<v Tucker>We're still not moving.</v>

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<v Caboose>Does talking count as moving?</v>

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<v Tex>All right screw it,</v>

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you guys get behind me and stay tight.

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<v Tucker>Bow chika bow wow.</v>

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<v Tex>Never mind, Tucker's in front.</v>

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<v Tucker>Eh, it was worth it.</v>

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(guitar riff)

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<v Sarge>All right men, stay out of sight,</v>

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we have to be prepared for anything

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<v Grif>Uh, why are we hiding from our own base?</v>

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<v Sarge>Because, we have no idea what's inside.</v>

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<v Simmons>Anything could have occupied the base</v>

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after we jumped into the future.

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<v Donut>Oh my god!</v>

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What if we're in there?

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<v Grif>Yeah, no, wait, aren't we out here?</v>

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<v Donut>I mean past versions of ourselves!</v>

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We could go in there and meet ourselves!

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Oh man, we'd be best friends, we'd have so much in common!

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Finally someone who shares the pain!

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<v Simmons>Donut, that's not how time travel works.</v>

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We don't leave copies of our selves behind

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And even if we did, they'd all be 800 years old,

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they'd all be dead by now.

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<v Donut>Speak for yourself, I could live to be 800,</v>

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I'm on this awesome diet!

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<v Sarge>Still doin' that high-fat, low-fiber, liquid diet</v>

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where you drink nothin' but bacon grease?

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<v Donut>Nah, that was just a fad.</v>

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<v Sarge>What's the new one?</v>

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<v Donut>I only eat foods that begin with vowels.</v>

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<v Simmons>That sounds really hard,</v>

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what did you have for breakfast?

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<v Donut>Eggs and Oreos.</v>

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And for lunch I'm having asparagus, and Oreos.

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<v Grif>Holy crap! I've been on that diet for years!</v>

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I had no idea I was so healthy.

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I even cut out all the eggs.

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And I don't even know what asparagus is.

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<v Sarge>All right, men, stop your chatter boxin'.</v>

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We've got to keep our eyes open

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for any sign of enemy activity.

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I cant have you not paying attention.

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We have to be alert.

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Constant vigilance, composed, attentive!

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See, that's much better.

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(guitar riff)

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<v Church>Hey, why didn't you bring that glowing thing?</v>

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<v Tucker>No way, I'd rather have a gun.</v>

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<v Church>But I've got a gun.</v>

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<v Tucker>What are you gonna do,</v>

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shoot him with ghost bullets?

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<v Church>Okay, yeah, that's a good point.</v>

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<v Tucker>Hey, I'm Casper, the Friendly Bullet!</v>

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<v Tex>Hey, you see anything?</v>

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<v Tucker>Nope.</v>

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<v Church>You know, Andy was here when I got attacked,</v>

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maybe he knows something

238
00:08:54.776 --> 00:08:55.609
Hey, Andy!

239
00:08:56.847 --> 00:08:57.725
Andy!

240
00:08:57.725 --> 00:08:59.911
<v Andy>Hey, look who's back!</v>

241
00:08:59.911 --> 00:09:01.279
The dickhead!

242
00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:02.189
<v Church>Hey, up yours.</v>

243
00:09:02.189 --> 00:09:03.563
<v Andy>Back for another beatin'?</v>

244
00:09:03.563 --> 00:09:05.247
It must be ass kick o'clock.

245
00:09:05.247 --> 00:09:06.986
<v Church>Where's that big alien thing?</v>

246
00:09:06.986 --> 00:09:08.684
<v Andy>I don't know, last time I saw him,</v>

247
00:09:08.684 --> 00:09:09.989
he was half-way up your ass.

248
00:09:09.989 --> 00:09:11.807
<v Tex>Is this bomb giving you a hard time?</v>

249
00:09:11.807 --> 00:09:13.324
<v Andy>I see you brought a girl with ya.</v>

250
00:09:13.324 --> 00:09:15.504
What are you gonna have, a cryin' contest?

251
00:09:15.504 --> 00:09:17.695
<v Church>Hey look, there's my body right there.</v>

252
00:09:17.695 --> 00:09:18.823
<v Alien>Blarg.</v>

253
00:09:18.823 --> 00:09:20.389
<v Tucker>Ah, there it is!</v>

254
00:09:20.389 --> 00:09:21.472
<v ->Jesus! Run!</v>
<v ->Crap!</v>

255
00:09:21.472 --> 00:09:22.351
(guns banging)

256
00:09:22.351 --> 00:09:24.060
<v Tucker>Oh my god, oh my god, I don't wanna die,</v>

257
00:09:24.060 --> 00:09:25.241
what the fuck is that thing?

258
00:09:25.241 --> 00:09:26.074
<v Church>Run!</v>

259
00:09:26.074 --> 00:09:27.185
<v Tucker>Women and children last!</v>

260
00:09:27.185 --> 00:09:28.537
<v Church>Run run run run run run run!</v>

261
00:09:28.537 --> 00:09:30.865
<v Andy>(laughs) What, you're leavin' already?</v>

262
00:09:30.865 --> 00:09:32.476
That's fuckin' hilarious.

263
00:09:32.476 --> 00:09:34.723
<v Tucker>Ah, run run run run run!</v>

264
00:09:34.723 --> 00:09:35.621
<v Caboose>Did we win?</v>

265
00:09:35.621 --> 00:09:38.240
<v Tucker>Yeah, Caboose, we won, this is our victory lap!</v>

266
00:09:38.240 --> 00:09:40.661
<v Andy>Hey come back in, I think you're tirin' him out!</v>

267
00:09:40.661 --> 00:09:42.299
<v Simmons>I'm telling you, it was here!</v>

268
00:09:42.299 --> 00:09:44.296
It drove by while you were talking.

269
00:09:44.296 --> 00:09:46.821
You had your back turned and it went zoom right behind you!

270
00:09:46.821 --> 00:09:51.821
<v Donut>Well it really sounded like (imitates machine).</v>

271
00:09:54.076 --> 00:09:55.611
<v Simmons>That's not the important part</v>

272
00:09:55.611 --> 00:09:56.619
of the story, Donut!

273
00:09:56.619 --> 00:09:58.775
<v Sarge>Sure Simmons, I believe you.</v>

274
00:09:58.775 --> 00:10:01.954
You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously

275
00:10:01.954 --> 00:10:04.496
and then just as quickly disappeared.

276
00:10:04.496 --> 00:10:07.339
And you're the only one that can see it.

277
00:10:07.339 --> 00:10:09.996
Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality.

278
00:10:09.996 --> 00:10:12.055
<v ->No I'm not, Donut saw it.</v>
<v ->Yeah!</v>

279
00:10:12.055 --> 00:10:13.397
<v Sarge>Donut's impressionable.</v>

280
00:10:13.397 --> 00:10:14.872
He'd agree with anything you said.

281
00:10:14.872 --> 00:10:15.705
<v Donut>Yeah!</v>

282
00:10:15.705 --> 00:10:17.286
<v Sarge>Aw hell, he'd eat a spoonful of dirt</v>

283
00:10:17.286 --> 00:10:19.195
if you told him it tasted like chocolate.

284
00:10:19.195 --> 00:10:20.992
<v Donut>(gasps) That's not true!</v>

285
00:10:20.992 --> 00:10:23.009
<v Sarge>So that's where you draw the line?</v>

286
00:10:23.009 --> 00:10:24.224
<v Donut>No, I mean it's not true</v>

287
00:10:24.224 --> 00:10:26.091
that dirt tastes like chocolate, right?

288
00:10:26.091 --> 00:10:27.627
Seriously, right?

289
00:10:27.627 --> 00:10:28.789
<v Simmons>Okay, well Grif saw it too,</v>

290
00:10:28.789 --> 00:10:29.622
we all saw it.

291
00:10:29.622 --> 00:10:30.514
<v Grif>I don't know what you're talking about,</v>

292
00:10:30.514 --> 00:10:31.693
I didn't see a damn thing.

293
00:10:31.693 --> 00:10:32.706
<v Simmons>What?</v>

294
00:10:32.706 --> 00:10:33.851
<v Grif>Tank you say?</v>

295
00:10:33.851 --> 00:10:35.906
I have no idea what you're talking about.

296
00:10:35.906 --> 00:10:38.011
I was too busy paying attention to our Sergeant

297
00:10:38.011 --> 00:10:39.570
while he gave us our orders.

298
00:10:39.570 --> 00:10:41.010
<v Simmons>Oh really?</v>

299
00:10:41.010 --> 00:10:42.034
Well what did he say?

300
00:10:42.034 --> 00:10:44.349
<v Grif>Something inspiring about beating the Blues.</v>

301
00:10:44.349 --> 00:10:47.689
And the base or the flag, or something.

302
00:10:47.689 --> 00:10:49.846
I'm pretty sure he mentioned a pole cat too.

303
00:10:49.846 --> 00:10:51.826
I was getting a little emotional at the end.

304
00:10:51.826 --> 00:10:52.975
<v Sarge>See Simmons?</v>

305
00:10:52.975 --> 00:10:55.149
Some soldiers know how to pay attention.

306
00:10:55.149 --> 00:10:56.882
<v Grif>Wow, that might be the first time</v>

307
00:10:56.882 --> 00:10:57.715
you've ever actually complimented-

308
00:10:57.715 --> 00:10:58.719
<v Sarge>Shut up, dirtbag.</v>

309
00:10:58.719 --> 00:11:01.082
<v Simmons>Grif, you just told us all two minutes ago</v>

310
00:11:01.082 --> 00:11:01.915
that you saw it.

311
00:11:01.915 --> 00:11:04.364
<v Grif>Yeah, I know, but it's a lot more fun this way.</v>

312
00:11:04.364 --> 00:11:05.906
(guitar riff)

313
00:11:05.906 --> 00:11:08.452
<v Church>Ugh, man I just cannot fucking stand</v>

314
00:11:08.452 --> 00:11:11.150
the idea of my body layin' in there.

315
00:11:11.150 --> 00:11:12.932
<v Andy>Haha, you never looked better!</v>

316
00:11:12.932 --> 00:11:14.484
<v Church>Hey, shut up, Andy!</v>

317
00:11:14.484 --> 00:11:16.275
<v Church>You know, we could've taken that alien out</v>

318
00:11:16.275 --> 00:11:18.327
if I'd gave hit him just a few more times.

319
00:11:18.327 --> 00:11:19.447
<v Tucker>A few more times!</v>

320
00:11:19.447 --> 00:11:20.457
How about one time?

321
00:11:20.457 --> 00:11:21.536
<v Church>Well I think I landed</v>

322
00:11:21.536 --> 00:11:22.696
at least two or three shots.

323
00:11:22.696 --> 00:11:23.694
<v Tucker>Yeah right.</v>

324
00:11:23.694 --> 00:11:25.534
<v Tex>You didn't hit anything but the wall.</v>

325
00:11:25.534 --> 00:11:26.891
<v Church>How the hell would you know?</v>

326
00:11:26.891 --> 00:11:28.675
You were running straight backwards.

327
00:11:28.675 --> 00:11:30.435
<v Tex>This is a long range weapon, okay?</v>

328
00:11:30.435 --> 00:11:32.894
I need distance to use it effectively.

329
00:11:32.894 --> 00:11:34.729
<v Tucker>Where were you planning on shooting it from?</v>

330
00:11:34.729 --> 00:11:35.947
The fucking moon?

331
00:11:35.947 --> 00:11:37.032
If you'd backed up any further

332
00:11:37.032 --> 00:11:38.543
you would have had to mail him the bullets.

333
00:11:38.543 --> 00:11:40.629
<v Tex>You know what, I work better alone.</v>

334
00:11:40.629 --> 00:11:41.875
<v Tex>You ladies stay here.</v>

335
00:11:41.875 --> 00:11:42.994
I'll be back in two minutes

336
00:11:42.994 --> 00:11:45.171
with that thing's head on a platter!

337
00:11:45.171 --> 00:11:46.397
<v Tucker>Does it ever bother you</v>

338
00:11:46.397 --> 00:11:48.398
that the most take charge guy on our team is a girl?

339
00:11:48.398 --> 00:11:49.372
<v Church>Not at all.</v>

340
00:11:49.372 --> 00:11:54.122
As long as I get my body back I don't care if I'm a hero.

341
00:11:56.149 --> 00:11:56.982
What?

342
00:11:56.982 --> 00:11:59.196
<v Tucker>Haha, well Church you're kind of</v>

343
00:11:59.196 --> 00:12:00.556
a long way from hero.

344
00:12:00.556 --> 00:12:02.156
Wouldn't it have been better to say,

345
00:12:02.156 --> 00:12:04.295
I don't care if I'm a participant?

346
00:12:04.295 --> 00:12:05.266
Or maybe, bystander?

347
00:12:05.266 --> 00:12:06.689
<v ->Shut up.</v>
<v ->Or a decoy.</v>

348
00:12:06.689 --> 00:12:08.690
<v Church>Hey, Caboose, don't help him okay?</v>

349
00:12:08.690 --> 00:12:09.661
<v Tucker>Hey, she's going in.</v>

350
00:12:09.661 --> 00:12:11.298
You guys think she can take him?

351
00:12:11.298 --> 00:12:12.523
(punch thuds)

352
00:12:12.523 --> 00:12:13.940
<v ->Oh crap.</v>
<v ->Nope.</v>

353
00:12:14.856 --> 00:12:17.356
(guitar riff)

354
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:20.923
<v Simmons>Come on, Donut, give someone else a turn!</v>

355
00:12:20.923 --> 00:12:22.843
<v Donut>Wait, wait, I wanna show you guys</v>

356
00:12:22.843 --> 00:12:24.480
the bunny hop I'm working on.

357
00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:25.984
Look!

358
00:12:25.984 --> 00:12:27.104
No wait!

359
00:12:27.104 --> 00:12:28.539
Now, look!

360
00:12:28.539 --> 00:12:29.483
Aww.

361
00:12:29.483 --> 00:12:32.076
Aw, man, I was totally doing it earlier.

362
00:12:32.076 --> 00:12:33.680
Why weren't you guys watching then?

363
00:12:33.680 --> 00:12:35.520
<v Simmons>I need it to find the tank!</v>

364
00:12:35.520 --> 00:12:37.221
<v Donut>Wee!</v>

365
00:12:37.221 --> 00:12:38.795
Woo!

366
00:12:38.795 --> 00:12:39.628
Woo hoo!

367
00:12:39.628 --> 00:12:42.287
<v Sarge>Grif, I wanna share something with you.</v>

368
00:12:42.287 --> 00:12:43.787
And you can't let Simmons know.

369
00:12:43.787 --> 00:12:44.664
<v Grif>Whatever.</v>

370
00:12:44.664 --> 00:12:46.670
<v Sarge>I think that Simmons has gone mad.</v>

371
00:12:46.670 --> 00:12:48.549
It's probably some kind of time travel

372
00:12:48.549 --> 00:12:51.883
post traumatic repetitive stress syndrome.

373
00:12:51.883 --> 00:12:56.229
In scientific terms, he's developed cranial insanatosis.

374
00:12:56.229 --> 00:12:58.368
Basically, he's gone bonkers.

375
00:12:58.368 --> 00:13:00.229
<v Simmons>Sarge, I'm not crazy!</v>

376
00:13:00.229 --> 00:13:01.829
I really saw a tank.

377
00:13:01.829 --> 00:13:03.466
<v Sarge>And apparently he's developed</v>

378
00:13:03.466 --> 00:13:05.225
some kind of mutant telepathy power.

379
00:13:05.225 --> 00:13:06.923
Clear your mind, Grif!

380
00:13:06.923 --> 00:13:08.325
He can hear your thoughts!

381
00:13:08.325 --> 00:13:10.928
<v Simmons>No, you guys just left your mics on again.</v>

382
00:13:10.928 --> 00:13:12.645
I keep telling you not to do that

383
00:13:12.645 --> 00:13:13.921
'cause you're just wasting the batteries.

384
00:13:13.921 --> 00:13:15.303
Oh, and guess who recharges-

385
00:13:15.303 --> 00:13:16.676
<v Sarge>Clearly he's sabotaging us</v>

386
00:13:16.676 --> 00:13:18.119
with his superior technology.

387
00:13:18.119 --> 00:13:20.839
Grif, I need you to step up to the plate.

388
00:13:20.839 --> 00:13:22.634
You're my number two man now.

389
00:13:22.634 --> 00:13:23.657
<v Grif>Does that mean more work?</v>

390
00:13:23.657 --> 00:13:24.490
<v Sarge>Of course.</v>

391
00:13:24.490 --> 00:13:26.258
You'll have to do Simmons regular duties

392
00:13:26.258 --> 00:13:29.298
on top of the responsibilities I normally entrust you with.

393
00:13:29.298 --> 00:13:30.750
<v Grif>So basically just Simmons duties then?</v>

394
00:13:30.750 --> 00:13:31.754
<v Sarge>Right.</v>

395
00:13:31.754 --> 00:13:33.516
Luckily we still have Donut.

396
00:13:33.516 --> 00:13:35.276
So no one has to fill in his shoes.

397
00:13:35.276 --> 00:13:37.271
Donut combat situation!

398
00:13:37.271 --> 00:13:38.590
<v Donut>Yes sir, I'm on it.</v>

399
00:13:38.590 --> 00:13:42.507
(Donut shouting and screaming)

400
00:13:45.232 --> 00:13:46.706
<v Sarge>What a pro.</v>

401
00:13:46.706 --> 00:13:48.685
Simmons, I mean Grif!

402
00:13:48.685 --> 00:13:50.043
Establish a perimeter.

403
00:13:50.043 --> 00:13:51.320
<v Grif>Huh, what's that?</v>

404
00:13:51.320 --> 00:13:53.005
<v Sarge>Make a border around us,</v>

405
00:13:53.005 --> 00:13:55.242
and make sure no enemy crosses it.

406
00:13:55.242 --> 00:13:57.020
<v Grif>Ugh, that sounds like a lot of effort.</v>

407
00:13:57.020 --> 00:13:58.882
Can't I just go back to being number three again?

408
00:13:58.882 --> 00:14:00.060
<v Sarge>Number three?</v>

409
00:14:00.060 --> 00:14:01.441
What do you mean number three?

410
00:14:01.441 --> 00:14:03.063
<v Grif>Oh right, Donut.</v>

411
00:14:03.063 --> 00:14:04.641
Can I go back to being number four then?

412
00:14:04.641 --> 00:14:05.474
<v Sarge>And Lopez.</v>

413
00:14:05.474 --> 00:14:07.442
<v Grif>Fine, I'll be number five, I don't care.</v>

414
00:14:07.442 --> 00:14:08.579
<v Sarge>I don't know,</v>

415
00:14:08.579 --> 00:14:10.940
that O'Malley guy can really work a rocket launcher.

416
00:14:10.940 --> 00:14:11.898
<v Grif>But he's the enemy!</v>

417
00:14:11.898 --> 00:14:13.596
<v Sarge>I'm not real particular.</v>

418
00:14:13.596 --> 00:14:15.260
Now get to work on that perimeter!

419
00:14:15.260 --> 00:14:16.613
Bogey approaching!

420
00:14:16.613 --> 00:14:18.131
<v Simmons>Sir, I really think</v>

421
00:14:18.131 --> 00:14:19.156
we should be looking for that tank.

422
00:14:19.156 --> 00:14:20.152
<v Sarge>Hold on a minute.</v>

423
00:14:20.152 --> 00:14:21.736
Let's just take it easy there,

424
00:14:21.736 --> 00:14:23.735
Private first class Dick Simmons.

425
00:14:23.735 --> 00:14:25.656
<v Simmons>But I, hey what?</v>

426
00:14:25.656 --> 00:14:27.032
Why did you use my full name?

427
00:14:27.032 --> 00:14:29.756
<v Sarge>Grif, what in Sam Hill are you doing?</v>

428
00:14:29.756 --> 00:14:31.314
<v Grif>I secured your perimeter sir.</v>

429
00:14:31.314 --> 00:14:32.792
Now I'm gonna go over to the chow hall

430
00:14:32.792 --> 00:14:34.072
and secure some Oreos.

431
00:14:34.072 --> 00:14:35.378
I got a diet to keep up.

432
00:14:35.378 --> 00:14:36.251
Break time.

433
00:14:36.251 --> 00:14:38.072
<v Sarge>Honeymoon's over, numbnuts!</v>

434
00:14:38.072 --> 00:14:39.698
You're back down to number seven!

435
00:14:39.698 --> 00:14:40.912
<v Grif>Oh yeah?</v>

436
00:14:40.912 --> 00:14:42.336
Well I saw the tank too!

437
00:14:42.336 --> 00:14:44.836
(guitar riff)

438
00:14:46.352 --> 00:14:48.354
<v Tucker>Maybe Caboose should try talking to him.</v>

439
00:14:48.354 --> 00:14:50.075
<v Caboose>Uh, what would I say?</v>

440
00:14:50.075 --> 00:14:51.512
<v Tucker>Start with some common ground.</v>

441
00:14:51.512 --> 00:14:53.051
Like how you both killed Church.

442
00:14:53.051 --> 00:14:54.736
<v Caboose>Mm, good times.</v>

443
00:14:54.736 --> 00:14:56.152
<v Church>You know, I actually like that idea.</v>

444
00:14:56.152 --> 00:14:57.214
<v Tex>You do?</v>

445
00:14:57.214 --> 00:14:58.211
<v Church>Well think about it.</v>

446
00:14:58.211 --> 00:14:59.550
While our ambassador here

447
00:14:59.550 --> 00:15:02.552
is either being A, eaten by the alien,

448
00:15:02.552 --> 00:15:04.885
or B, digested by the alien,

449
00:15:06.691 --> 00:15:08.770
you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies.

450
00:15:08.770 --> 00:15:11.230
<v Caboose>I would make an excellent ambadassdor.</v>

451
00:15:11.230 --> 00:15:13.445
Because I am very shy!

452
00:15:13.445 --> 00:15:14.814
<v Tucker>Get away from me, freak!</v>

453
00:15:14.814 --> 00:15:16.392
<v Church>You know if that word's too hard to pronounce,</v>

454
00:15:16.392 --> 00:15:18.731
you can just call yourself bait.

455
00:15:18.731 --> 00:15:19.992
<v Tex>There's my body.</v>

456
00:15:19.992 --> 00:15:22.309
<v Church>Oh yeah, hey look, there's your body,</v>

457
00:15:22.309 --> 00:15:25.630
(laughs) You really didn't make it very far did you?

458
00:15:25.630 --> 00:15:27.934
<v Tex>You know I wonder, if I killed a ghost</v>

459
00:15:27.934 --> 00:15:30.691
would it come back as a ghost of a ghost?

460
00:15:30.691 --> 00:15:32.930
<v Church>Yeah that's a good point, I'll shut up now.</v>

461
00:15:32.930 --> 00:15:35.651
(guitar riff)

462
00:15:35.651 --> 00:15:37.091
<v Caboose>Hey, Andy.</v>

463
00:15:37.091 --> 00:15:40.424
Say, have you seen, it's a big uh slimy,

464
00:15:42.994 --> 00:15:45.253
like alien looking thing?

465
00:15:45.253 --> 00:15:49.253
It's uh, it's shaped just kinda like that shadow

466
00:15:50.295 --> 00:15:53.045
that's on the ground next to you.

467
00:15:54.011 --> 00:15:55.015
Oh.

468
00:15:55.015 --> 00:15:56.311
<v Sarge>All right, men.</v>

469
00:15:56.311 --> 00:15:58.914
Donut, since Simmons has been demoted

470
00:15:58.914 --> 00:16:00.215
for reasons of dementia-

471
00:16:00.215 --> 00:16:01.554
<v Simmons>The tank was real!</v>

472
00:16:01.554 --> 00:16:03.292
<v Sarge>And he's been ordered by the judge</v>

473
00:16:03.292 --> 00:16:04.989
to stay at least 200 yards away from us-

474
00:16:04.989 --> 00:16:06.651
<v Simmons>Oh, come on, that wasn't a real judge!</v>

475
00:16:06.651 --> 00:16:08.311
That was Donut wearing a powdered wig!

476
00:16:08.311 --> 00:16:10.972
<v Donut>Over, ahem, overruled.</v>

477
00:16:10.972 --> 00:16:12.814
Shame on you, hurr.

478
00:16:12.814 --> 00:16:14.593
<v Sarge>We are now holding auditions</v>

479
00:16:14.593 --> 00:16:16.810
for the permanent position of second-in-command

480
00:16:16.810 --> 00:16:18.863
here at Blood Gulch Outpost

481
00:16:18.863 --> 00:16:19.696
<v Simmons>What?</v>

482
00:16:19.696 --> 00:16:21.446
<v Sarge>And since Simmons is disqualified</v>

483
00:16:21.446 --> 00:16:23.308
because of the aforementioned cuckoo-ness,

484
00:16:23.308 --> 00:16:24.806
and since Grif isn't eligible-

485
00:16:24.806 --> 00:16:26.348
<v Grif>Or because I don't want to compete.</v>

486
00:16:26.348 --> 00:16:27.181
<v Sarge>Because you're ineligible!</v>

487
00:16:27.181 --> 00:16:29.036
<v Grif>No, I just don't want to compete.</v>

488
00:16:29.036 --> 00:16:31.122
<v Sarge>Of course you don't, because you're ineligible!</v>

489
00:16:31.122 --> 00:16:32.721
<v Grif>(sigh) Whatever.</v>

490
00:16:32.721 --> 00:16:34.384
<v Donut>I guess that means I get the job</v>

491
00:16:34.384 --> 00:16:36.044
because I'm unopposed.

492
00:16:36.044 --> 00:16:37.064
Which is the same way I got,

493
00:16:37.064 --> 00:16:38.820
"Most Likely to be Fabulous" in high school.

494
00:16:38.820 --> 00:16:40.940
<v Sarge>Actually, Donut, I managed to find</v>

495
00:16:40.940 --> 00:16:43.163
some other candidates for you to compete against.

496
00:16:43.163 --> 00:16:43.996
<v Donut>Huh?</v>

497
00:16:43.996 --> 00:16:46.264
<v Sarge>We've located an old wrench used by Lopez</v>

498
00:16:46.264 --> 00:16:49.099
and this skull of unknown origin.

499
00:16:49.099 --> 00:16:50.998
Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries,

500
00:16:50.998 --> 00:16:52.848
but they didn't make it to the semifinals.

501
00:16:52.848 --> 00:16:54.073
Lazy bastards.

502
00:16:54.073 --> 00:16:55.172
<v Donut>Yes!</v>

503
00:16:55.172 --> 00:16:57.147
You guys are going down.

504
00:16:57.147 --> 00:17:00.795
In your face, wrench, in your face!

505
00:17:00.795 --> 00:17:04.177
Take that, bonehead. (laughs)

506
00:17:04.177 --> 00:17:05.067
Woo!

507
00:17:05.067 --> 00:17:06.449
<v Sarge>You'll be competing against each other</v>

508
00:17:06.449 --> 00:17:08.014
in a series of grueling events

509
00:17:08.014 --> 00:17:10.230
in order to gain my attention.

510
00:17:10.230 --> 00:17:12.023
First up, the obstacle course.

511
00:17:12.023 --> 00:17:13.752
Grif, get the alligators!

512
00:17:13.752 --> 00:17:15.152
<v Grif>I thought I was ineligible.</v>

513
00:17:15.152 --> 00:17:16.294
<v Sarge>To earn my respect, dirtbag.</v>

514
00:17:16.294 --> 00:17:18.487
You're still perfectly capable of grunt work.

515
00:17:18.487 --> 00:17:20.592
<v Simmons>Oh, man, I can't believe this!</v>

516
00:17:20.592 --> 00:17:22.392
My life was going exactly as planned.

517
00:17:22.392 --> 00:17:25.481
I was second-in-command of a marginally successful unit,

518
00:17:25.481 --> 00:17:28.294
I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me,

519
00:17:28.294 --> 00:17:31.532
I had the respect and admiration of all my peers.

520
00:17:31.532 --> 00:17:33.132
That was the dream!

521
00:17:33.132 --> 00:17:35.174
How did it all go so wrong!?

522
00:17:35.174 --> 00:17:36.172
How?

523
00:17:36.172 --> 00:17:37.005
How!

524
00:17:38.252 --> 00:17:41.042
Maybe that stupid tank was just a figment of my imagination.

525
00:17:41.042 --> 00:17:42.209
<v Sheila>I don't think so.</v>

526
00:17:42.209 --> 00:17:43.809
<v Simmons>Shut up, you ruined my life.</v>

527
00:17:43.809 --> 00:17:46.049
(guitar riff)

528
00:17:46.049 --> 00:17:49.991
<v Caboose>I think I will call him, Crunchbite.</v>

529
00:17:49.991 --> 00:17:51.713
<v Andy>Eh, that's a stupid name.</v>

530
00:17:51.713 --> 00:17:54.311
<v Caboose>Ah, well, I think it's better</v>

531
00:17:54.311 --> 00:17:56.412
than your suggestion.

532
00:17:56.412 --> 00:17:57.394
Crouchosaurus?

533
00:17:57.394 --> 00:17:59.505
<v Tucker>Caboose, who are you talking to, holy shit!</v>

534
00:17:59.505 --> 00:18:00.444
<v Alien>Blarg.</v>

535
00:18:00.444 --> 00:18:02.327
<v Caboose>Stop, he is my friend.</v>

536
00:18:02.327 --> 00:18:03.288
<v Alien>Blarg.</v>

537
00:18:03.288 --> 00:18:05.769
<v Caboose>He is not going to eat anybody.</v>

538
00:18:05.769 --> 00:18:08.089
<v Andy>Yeah, he thinks you guys stink too much to eat!</v>

539
00:18:08.089 --> 00:18:09.466
<v Tex>He thinks we stink?</v>

540
00:18:09.466 --> 00:18:11.929
It smells like someone set a fish on fire in here.

541
00:18:11.929 --> 00:18:12.807
<v Alien>Blarg?</v>

542
00:18:12.807 --> 00:18:14.014
<v Church>Caboose, what the fuck, man?</v>

543
00:18:14.014 --> 00:18:15.097
Are you sure about this thing?

544
00:18:15.097 --> 00:18:16.550
<v Caboose>Absolutely.</v>

545
00:18:16.550 --> 00:18:18.873
He has not tried to bite me at all.

546
00:18:18.873 --> 00:18:19.706
<v Alien>Blarg.</v>

547
00:18:19.706 --> 00:18:21.437
<v Caboose>since he bit me the first time.</v>

548
00:18:21.437 --> 00:18:23.321
<v Andy>Hehe, yeah, that was hilarious.</v>

549
00:18:23.321 --> 00:18:24.820
<v Caboose>I think I might need a tetanus shot.</v>

550
00:18:24.820 --> 00:18:27.512
<v Alien>Blarg, blarg.</v>

551
00:18:27.512 --> 00:18:28.740
<v Church>Whoa, that thing's breath</v>

552
00:18:28.740 --> 00:18:32.276
smells like infected cheese on a hot plate. (coughs)

553
00:18:32.276 --> 00:18:34.134
<v Alien>Blarg!</v>

554
00:18:34.134 --> 00:18:35.507
<v Andy>I don't think he likes that.</v>

555
00:18:35.507 --> 00:18:38.094
<v Tucker>Oh, man, what is that stench?</v>

556
00:18:38.094 --> 00:18:40.811
Is a skunk juggling dead hamsters in here?

557
00:18:40.811 --> 00:18:42.336
It smells like old yogurt.

558
00:18:42.336 --> 00:18:43.952
(alien growling)

559
00:18:43.952 --> 00:18:45.997
Did you eat and them throw up a can of trash?

560
00:18:45.997 --> 00:18:46.830
<v Alien>Honk.</v>

561
00:18:46.830 --> 00:18:48.476
<v Caboose>That's exactly what he said</v>

562
00:18:48.476 --> 00:18:49.531
right before he bit me.

563
00:18:49.531 --> 00:18:51.517
<v Alien>Blarg blarg, honk!</v>

564
00:18:51.517 --> 00:18:53.297
<v Tex>Do you understand what he's saying?</v>

565
00:18:53.297 --> 00:18:54.777
<v Church>Wait, wait, wait.</v>

566
00:18:54.777 --> 00:18:56.038
I think I'm hearing a pattern here.

567
00:18:56.038 --> 00:18:58.536
<v Church>I think that "blargs" come after "honks."</v>

568
00:18:58.536 --> 00:19:00.220
<v ->Honk!</v>
<v ->Or vice-versa.</v>

569
00:19:00.220 --> 00:19:01.078
<v Alien>Blarg!</v>

570
00:19:01.078 --> 00:19:06.078
<v Caboose>I think, I think "blarg" means me, or, apples.</v>

571
00:19:06.468 --> 00:19:07.676
<v Alien>Blarg!</v>

572
00:19:07.676 --> 00:19:10.908
<v Caboose>Guys, Apples must be the name of his cat!</v>

573
00:19:10.908 --> 00:19:13.874
Quick, quick, is, is Apples stuck in a tree?

574
00:19:13.874 --> 00:19:14.707
<v Alien>Blarg.</v>

575
00:19:14.707 --> 00:19:16.130
<v Caboose>I will call the fire department.</v>

576
00:19:16.130 --> 00:19:17.645
<v Church>Mister huge alien,</v>

577
00:19:17.645 --> 00:19:19.789
do you understand what we are saying?

578
00:19:19.789 --> 00:19:21.122
<v Alien>Blarg!</v>

579
00:19:22.130 --> 00:19:23.454
<v Church>I have no idea if that means yes or no.</v>

580
00:19:23.454 --> 00:19:24.986
<v ->Honk.</v>
<v ->Totally blows away</v>

581
00:19:24.986 --> 00:19:28.044
your vice-versa theory, sorry.

582
00:19:28.044 --> 00:19:29.620
<v Tucker>You two are retarded.</v>

583
00:19:29.620 --> 00:19:30.678
You're not going to be able to figure out

584
00:19:30.678 --> 00:19:32.884
alien language by experimentation, give it up.

585
00:19:32.884 --> 00:19:34.898
<v Church>You don't know that.</v>

586
00:19:34.898 --> 00:19:36.336
<v Tucker>You don't even know how they talk.</v>

587
00:19:36.336 --> 00:19:38.357
What if their language isn't entirely verbal?

588
00:19:38.357 --> 00:19:42.197
It could be part telepathic, or via smells, ugh.

589
00:19:42.197 --> 00:19:43.451
<v Church>If it's via smells,</v>

590
00:19:43.451 --> 00:19:45.870
then you should be fluent in the language already.

591
00:19:45.870 --> 00:19:47.163
Jackass.

592
00:19:47.163 --> 00:19:48.027
<v Alien>Honk.</v>

593
00:19:48.027 --> 00:19:49.227
<v Church>Oh, shut up, you're not helping.</v>

594
00:19:49.227 --> 00:19:51.845
<v Caboose>Wait, I think Tucker might be right.</v>

595
00:19:51.845 --> 00:19:55.752
I think he might be saying things telepathically.

596
00:19:55.752 --> 00:19:58.262
I just heard something in my head.

597
00:19:58.262 --> 00:19:59.462
<v Church>What, what was it?</v>

598
00:19:59.462 --> 00:20:01.568
<v Caboose>It was a voice, saying,</v>

599
00:20:01.568 --> 00:20:03.617
blarg blarg blarg honk.
<v ->Honk!</v>

600
00:20:03.617 --> 00:20:05.232
<v Church>That wasn't in your head, Caboose.</v>

601
00:20:05.232 --> 00:20:06.352
He just said that.

602
00:20:06.352 --> 00:20:09.025
You're just so dumb, you're lagged a few seconds behind us.

603
00:20:09.025 --> 00:20:11.289
By the time your brain figures out what it's heard,

604
00:20:11.289 --> 00:20:14.122
it feels like it already happened.

605
00:20:15.653 --> 00:20:16.693
<v Caboose>That's not true.</v>

606
00:20:16.693 --> 00:20:17.999
<v Sarge>All right, Dirtbags.</v>

607
00:20:17.999 --> 00:20:20.149
After the third round of the competition

608
00:20:20.149 --> 00:20:21.611
it's still anyone's contest.

609
00:20:21.611 --> 00:20:23.269
<v Donut>Yeah, burn wrench!</v>

610
00:20:23.269 --> 00:20:25.605
Anyone includes me! (laughs)

611
00:20:25.605 --> 00:20:27.786
<v Sarge>Donut was leading after the obstacle course</v>

612
00:20:27.786 --> 00:20:29.408
and talent contest.

613
00:20:29.408 --> 00:20:31.565
<v Donut>Awesome, who-de-who!</v>

614
00:20:31.565 --> 00:20:33.560
<v Sarge>But then the mysterious skull pulled ahead</v>

615
00:20:33.560 --> 00:20:35.100
during the Question and Answer session.

616
00:20:35.100 --> 00:20:36.784
<v Donut>That doesn't seem physically possible.</v>

617
00:20:36.784 --> 00:20:39.547
<v Sarge>So the standings are: The Skull, Donut,</v>

618
00:20:39.547 --> 00:20:40.747
and in third, the Wrench,

619
00:20:40.747 --> 00:20:42.347
which is the current crowd favorite!

620
00:20:42.347 --> 00:20:44.528
(car horn honking)

621
00:20:44.528 --> 00:20:47.649
<v Grif>Ha ha, maybe the skull will be your new sidekick</v>

622
00:20:47.649 --> 00:20:51.614
Hey Sarge, how can I kiss your ass if I don't have any lips?

623
00:20:51.614 --> 00:20:52.805
<v Sarge>And in last place, Grif.</v>

624
00:20:52.805 --> 00:20:53.803
<v Grif>What?</v>

625
00:20:53.803 --> 00:20:55.041
I thought I was ineligible.

626
00:20:55.041 --> 00:20:56.726
<v Sarge>Ineligible to win, dead man.</v>

627
00:20:56.726 --> 00:20:58.422
Luckily there's no chance of that happening

628
00:20:58.422 --> 00:21:01.025
since the last round is the evening-wear competition!

629
00:21:01.025 --> 00:21:03.063
<v Donut>Oh-ho you're in trouble now, skull!</v>

630
00:21:03.063 --> 00:21:04.086
<v Grif>Then can I quit?</v>

631
00:21:04.086 --> 00:21:05.089
<v Sarge>Course not,</v>

632
00:21:05.089 --> 00:21:07.342
only eligible contestants can withdraw from the competition.

633
00:21:07.342 --> 00:21:08.243
(Grif sighs)

634
00:21:08.243 --> 00:21:09.518
I guess you'll just have to settle

635
00:21:09.518 --> 00:21:10.624
for fifth place, turd belly.

636
00:21:10.624 --> 00:21:11.941
<v Grif>Fifth place?</v>

637
00:21:11.941 --> 00:21:13.504
Should I even ask who's in fourth?

638
00:21:13.504 --> 00:21:15.620
<v Sarge>I'm reserving fourth place for any late entries</v>

639
00:21:15.620 --> 00:21:17.798
who would obviously be better than you,

640
00:21:17.798 --> 00:21:19.781
such as a turd, or a turd farmer.

641
00:21:19.781 --> 00:21:21.473
<v Church>Hey Gary, is there any way</v>

642
00:21:21.473 --> 00:21:22.416
that you could translate

643
00:21:22.416 --> 00:21:23.735
what this big alien is saying to us?

644
00:21:23.735 --> 00:21:24.568
<v Gary>No.</v>

645
00:21:24.568 --> 00:21:25.401
<v Church>Aw, come on, man.</v>

646
00:21:25.401 --> 00:21:27.071
Isn't this one of the aliens that built you?

647
00:21:27.071 --> 00:21:30.171
<v Gary>Yes, but I do not know much about those creatures.</v>

648
00:21:30.171 --> 00:21:33.976
I was only programmed with knowledge of the shisnos.

649
00:21:33.976 --> 00:21:34.809
I mean you.

650
00:21:34.809 --> 00:21:35.833
<v Church>Yeah, listen man,</v>

651
00:21:35.833 --> 00:21:37.567
that word is really starting to bug me a little bit.

652
00:21:37.567 --> 00:21:39.572
<v Gary>You did not even know what it meant</v>

653
00:21:39.572 --> 00:21:40.830
until I told you.

654
00:21:40.830 --> 00:21:42.589
<v Church>I know, but you just say it so much.</v>

655
00:21:42.589 --> 00:21:45.012
<v Gary>I only say shisno in context.</v>

656
00:21:45.012 --> 00:21:49.219
Like when talking to a shisno or about a shisno.

657
00:21:49.219 --> 00:21:51.609
I think I see what you mean, shisno.

658
00:21:51.609 --> 00:21:52.452
<v Church>So you'll stop?</v>

659
00:21:52.452 --> 00:21:53.892
<v Gary>Inter-species prejudices</v>

660
00:21:53.892 --> 00:21:56.009
take a long time to overcome.

661
00:21:56.009 --> 00:21:57.098
But I will try.

662
00:21:57.098 --> 00:21:57.931
<v Church>Thanks.</v>

663
00:21:57.931 --> 00:22:00.490
<v Gary>Luckily, I am not lazy like a shisno.</v>

664
00:22:00.490 --> 00:22:01.450
<v Church>Yeah, it's pretty clear</v>

665
00:22:01.450 --> 00:22:02.847
you mean to give this your best effort.

666
00:22:02.847 --> 00:22:05.951
<v Gary>I think the important thing is that I am trying.</v>

667
00:22:05.951 --> 00:22:10.451
<v Tucker>Okay, Church is trying to get a translator,</v>

668
00:22:12.046 --> 00:22:14.856
so that we can talk to each other.

669
00:22:14.856 --> 00:22:16.490
<v Church>Tucker, the enormous alien</v>

670
00:22:16.490 --> 00:22:17.908
doesn't speak our language.

671
00:22:17.908 --> 00:22:19.765
Speaking slowly is not gonna help.

672
00:22:19.765 --> 00:22:20.810
<v Tucker>What?</v>

673
00:22:20.810 --> 00:22:21.781
I'm talking to Caboose.

674
00:22:21.781 --> 00:22:22.614
<v Church>Oh.</v>

675
00:22:22.614 --> 00:22:23.791
<v Caboose>I don't understand.</v>

676
00:22:23.791 --> 00:22:25.428
Are, are you hungry?

677
00:22:25.428 --> 00:22:26.671
Tucker, are you hungry?

678
00:22:26.671 --> 00:22:27.504
Are you cold?

679
00:22:27.504 --> 00:22:29.771
<v ->What? No!</v>
<v ->Do you need a blanket?</v>

680
00:22:29.771 --> 00:22:32.552
Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?

681
00:22:32.552 --> 00:22:34.409
<v Tucker>Dammit no, Caboose, I'm not cold,</v>

682
00:22:34.409 --> 00:22:35.635
I don't want a hot dog,

683
00:22:35.635 --> 00:22:37.511
and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again,

684
00:22:37.511 --> 00:22:38.406
I'm gonna kill you.

685
00:22:38.406 --> 00:22:41.049
<v Caboose>Okay gargantuan alien,</v>

686
00:22:41.049 --> 00:22:46.013
now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name.

687
00:22:46.013 --> 00:22:47.681
I vote for Fluffy.

688
00:22:47.681 --> 00:22:48.514
<v Tucker>Fluffy?</v>

689
00:22:48.514 --> 00:22:50.026
<v Caboose>Fluffy!</v>

690
00:22:50.026 --> 00:22:51.491
The alien that only loves!

691
00:22:51.491 --> 00:22:52.808
<v Tucker>He's got to have a name.</v>

692
00:22:52.808 --> 00:22:54.378
Why don't we just ask him?

693
00:22:54.378 --> 00:22:56.488
Hey alien dude, what's your name?

694
00:22:56.488 --> 00:22:57.321
Name.

695
00:22:58.283 --> 00:22:59.283
I am Tucker.

696
00:23:00.368 --> 00:23:02.147
This is Church.

697
00:23:02.147 --> 00:23:04.142
That's Bitchpants McCrabby.

698
00:23:04.142 --> 00:23:04.975
<v Tex>Hey!</v>

699
00:23:04.975 --> 00:23:06.011
<v Tucker>Well that's what we call you!</v>

700
00:23:06.011 --> 00:23:06.844
<v Caboose>Not me.</v>

701
00:23:06.844 --> 00:23:09.566
I call you "Mrs. McCrabby".

702
00:23:09.566 --> 00:23:10.399
<v Tex>Thanks.</v>

703
00:23:10.399 --> 00:23:12.724
<v Church>What is your name?</v>

704
00:23:12.724 --> 00:23:14.949
<v ->Honk-honk!</v>
<v ->Your name.</v>

705
00:23:14.949 --> 00:23:16.952
<v ->Honk-honk!</v>
<v ->Name.</v>

706
00:23:16.952 --> 00:23:19.112
<v Tucker>Just keep repeating it, Church.</v>

707
00:23:19.112 --> 00:23:21.232
I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own.

708
00:23:21.232 --> 00:23:24.435
<v Church>He is Tucker. Tuc-ker.</v>

709
00:23:24.435 --> 00:23:26.856
You are?
<v ->Honk-honk!</v>

710
00:23:26.856 --> 00:23:28.872
<v Church>No, no, no, not Honk-honk.</v>

711
00:23:28.872 --> 00:23:29.934
Name.

712
00:23:29.934 --> 00:23:31.089
<v Alien>Honk honk!</v>

713
00:23:31.089 --> 00:23:32.108
<v Church>Okay, I give up.</v>

714
00:23:32.108 --> 00:23:33.452
All this guy says is Honk-honk!

715
00:23:33.452 --> 00:23:34.869
<v Tex>Well have you ever considered the fact</v>

716
00:23:34.869 --> 00:23:36.719
that his name is Honk-Honk?

717
00:23:36.719 --> 00:23:37.743
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg?</v>

718
00:23:37.743 --> 00:23:39.700
<v Tucker>Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?</v>

719
00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:40.559
<v Church>Yeah, I mean seriously,</v>

720
00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:41.594
what kind of name is Honk-Honk?

721
00:23:41.594 --> 00:23:42.427
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg?</v>

722
00:23:42.427 --> 00:23:44.532
<v Church>Hey, big alien, is your name Honk-Honk?</v>

723
00:23:44.532 --> 00:23:45.365
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg.</v>

724
00:23:45.365 --> 00:23:47.550
<v Church>Hey wait a second, I think, blarg means yes.</v>

725
00:23:47.550 --> 00:23:50.152
Alien, does blarg mean yes?

726
00:23:50.152 --> 00:23:51.028
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg.</v>

727
00:23:51.028 --> 00:23:52.035
<v Church>Holy shit!</v>

728
00:23:52.035 --> 00:23:54.792
Blarg means yes, he just said yes, blarg means yes!

729
00:23:54.792 --> 00:23:56.014
I speak alien!

730
00:23:56.014 --> 00:23:58.355
<v Tex>Yeah, unless blarg means no.</v>

731
00:23:58.355 --> 00:24:01.289
In which case, he just said no, blarg does not mean yes.

732
00:24:01.289 --> 00:24:02.829
<v Church>What? No way!</v>

733
00:24:02.829 --> 00:24:04.467
Hey Alien, am I right?

734
00:24:04.467 --> 00:24:06.109
<v ->Blarg.</v>
<v ->Ha-ha, see?</v>

735
00:24:06.109 --> 00:24:07.854
The fuck do you know?

736
00:24:07.854 --> 00:24:09.427
<v Sarge>After the final calculations,</v>

737
00:24:09.427 --> 00:24:11.001
we've declared a winner!

738
00:24:11.001 --> 00:24:13.203
Grif, the envelope please!

739
00:24:13.203 --> 00:24:14.201
<v Grif>Envelope?</v>

740
00:24:14.201 --> 00:24:16.024
We don't have any envelopes, this is the army!

741
00:24:16.024 --> 00:24:16.987
<v Sarge>Donut's the winner.</v>

742
00:24:16.987 --> 00:24:17.907
<v Donut>Oh, yes!</v>

743
00:24:17.907 --> 00:24:19.571
<v Simmons>Well, my life's officially over.</v>

744
00:24:19.571 --> 00:24:20.750
Time to go kill myself!

745
00:24:20.750 --> 00:24:22.611
<v Sheila>Wait for me!</v>

746
00:24:22.611 --> 00:24:24.467
<v Simmons>Look, no offense imaginary tank,</v>

747
00:24:24.467 --> 00:24:25.550
but I don't believe in you.

748
00:24:25.550 --> 00:24:27.187
You're just a product of my imagination.

749
00:24:27.187 --> 00:24:28.248
<v Sheila>Actually,</v>

750
00:24:28.248 --> 00:24:30.510
I'm a product of the military contractor

751
00:24:30.510 --> 00:24:32.691
that made the lowest bid.

752
00:24:32.691 --> 00:24:34.428
I'm a little ashamed of that.

753
00:24:34.428 --> 00:24:35.827
<v Simmons>Well, leave me alone!</v>

754
00:24:35.827 --> 00:24:36.790
I can't have some imaginary tank

755
00:24:36.790 --> 00:24:38.408
ruining my excellent reputation!

756
00:24:38.408 --> 00:24:42.670
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig a hole to live in.

757
00:24:42.670 --> 00:24:44.584
(sighs) I wish Grif was here.

758
00:24:44.584 --> 00:24:46.366
I could convince him there was food underground.

759
00:24:46.366 --> 00:24:47.943
Then he would dig half a hole for me.

760
00:24:47.943 --> 00:24:49.923
Or, maybe a third of a hole.

761
00:24:49.923 --> 00:24:52.163
Then he'd use the shovel to eat oatmeal.

762
00:24:52.163 --> 00:24:53.987
On second thought, I don't wish Grif was here.

763
00:24:53.987 --> 00:24:55.523
<v Sheila>You can live with me!</v>

764
00:24:55.523 --> 00:24:58.947
<v Simmons>Just ignore it, it's not real.</v>

765
00:24:58.947 --> 00:25:00.606
<v Sheila>I have my own base!</v>

766
00:25:00.606 --> 00:25:04.719
In fact, I've made lots of renovations since you all left.

767
00:25:04.719 --> 00:25:05.552
See?

768
00:25:05.552 --> 00:25:07.021
<v Simmons>Hey, that's the old Blue base!</v>

769
00:25:07.021 --> 00:25:10.723
<v Sheila>Yes, I was sent to guard it from something!</v>

770
00:25:10.723 --> 00:25:13.038
I can't really remember what.

771
00:25:13.038 --> 00:25:16.483
Some of my memory banks have failed over the years.

772
00:25:16.483 --> 00:25:18.744
Do you remember what the Blues were fighting?

773
00:25:18.744 --> 00:25:21.384
<v Simmons>Uh, I think it was pirates.</v>

774
00:25:21.384 --> 00:25:22.903
<v Sheila>Are you sure?</v>

775
00:25:22.903 --> 00:25:25.006
I think it was another army.

776
00:25:25.006 --> 00:25:26.481
I think they were a different color.

777
00:25:26.481 --> 00:25:28.137
<v Simmons>No, it was definitely pirates.</v>

778
00:25:28.137 --> 00:25:29.860
<v Sheila>That doesn't sound right.</v>

779
00:25:29.860 --> 00:25:31.300
<v Simmons>Yeah, pirates.</v>

780
00:25:31.300 --> 00:25:33.001
And I think there were some ninjas

781
00:25:33.001 --> 00:25:33.834
that were working with them.

782
00:25:33.834 --> 00:25:35.657
<v Sheila>No, I don't think so.</v>

783
00:25:35.657 --> 00:25:37.518
<v Simmons>And I think they had traveled</v>

784
00:25:37.518 --> 00:25:39.054
from another planet.
<v ->Incorrect.</v>

785
00:25:39.054 --> 00:25:40.014
<v Simmons>I think it was called Cowboyland.</v>

786
00:25:40.014 --> 00:25:40.847
<v Sheila>Negative.</v>

787
00:25:40.847 --> 00:25:42.171
<v Simmons>And they were here to rustle up some cattle.</v>

788
00:25:42.171 --> 00:25:43.004
<v Sheila>No.</v>

789
00:25:43.004 --> 00:25:43.837
<v Simmons>But the Blues were gonna stop 'em.</v>

790
00:25:43.837 --> 00:25:44.670
<v Sheila>Naw.</v>

791
00:25:44.670 --> 00:25:45.795
<v Simmons>No wait, monkeys.</v>

792
00:25:45.795 --> 00:25:47.071
Monkey pirates.
<v ->Nope.</v>

793
00:25:47.071 --> 00:25:47.955
<v Simmons>From Uranus.</v>

794
00:25:47.955 --> 00:25:49.875
<v Sheila>My logical data analysis sector</v>

795
00:25:49.875 --> 00:25:52.631
indicates that would be highly unlikely.

796
00:25:52.631 --> 00:25:54.712
And my bullshit meter agrees.

797
00:25:54.712 --> 00:25:56.115
<v Tucker>Church!</v>

798
00:25:56.115 --> 00:25:57.395
Church!

799
00:25:57.395 --> 00:25:58.288
Hey, Church!

800
00:25:58.288 --> 00:25:59.283
<v Church>I'm right behind you, dumbass.</v>

801
00:25:59.283 --> 00:26:00.116
<v Tucker>Oh.</v>

802
00:26:00.116 --> 00:26:01.012
Hey, Church, do you have a knife?

803
00:26:01.012 --> 00:26:01.845
<v Church>No.</v>

804
00:26:01.845 --> 00:26:03.415
That's a weapon dude, ask Tex.

805
00:26:03.415 --> 00:26:05.115
<v Tucker>She said she had something to take care of.</v>

806
00:26:05.115 --> 00:26:06.010
Girl stuff, I think.

807
00:26:06.010 --> 00:26:06.935
<v Church>Huh, like what?</v>

808
00:26:06.935 --> 00:26:08.033
<v Tucker>I don't know.</v>

809
00:26:08.033 --> 00:26:10.295
I stopped asking questions at girl stuff.

810
00:26:10.295 --> 00:26:11.639
<v Church>What are you two guys doing?</v>

811
00:26:11.639 --> 00:26:13.250
<v Tucker>We're gonna teach the alien how to speak English.</v>

812
00:26:13.250 --> 00:26:14.592
<v Church>How are you gonna do that?</v>

813
00:26:14.592 --> 00:26:16.007
<v Tucker>People learn English all the time,</v>

814
00:26:16.007 --> 00:26:17.675
it aren't that hard.

815
00:26:17.675 --> 00:26:18.833
<v Church>Maybe you should try learning his language.</v>

816
00:26:18.833 --> 00:26:19.831
<v Tucker>Fuck that!</v>

817
00:26:19.831 --> 00:26:22.033
We got here first, and that makes this a colony!

818
00:26:22.033 --> 00:26:23.231
Those are the rules, dude.

819
00:26:23.231 --> 00:26:24.951
Earth colony, Earth language

820
00:26:24.951 --> 00:26:26.909
<v Church>Tucker, there's thousands of languages</v>

821
00:26:26.909 --> 00:26:27.971
spoken on Earth.

822
00:26:27.971 --> 00:26:29.629
<v Tucker>Yeah, but only one that kicks ass!</v>

823
00:26:29.629 --> 00:26:31.229
And that's the one we're teaching!

824
00:26:31.229 --> 00:26:33.409
English 101, remedial kick ass!

825
00:26:33.409 --> 00:26:34.242
<v Church>All right,</v>

826
00:26:34.242 --> 00:26:35.712
there's no way this is gonna work.

827
00:26:35.712 --> 00:26:37.633
<v Tucker>Yeah, it is, we got visual aids and everything.</v>

828
00:26:37.633 --> 00:26:39.072
<v Church>Where the hell did you get those?</v>

829
00:26:39.072 --> 00:26:39.905
<v Tucker>We made them.</v>

830
00:26:39.905 --> 00:26:41.691
Turns out Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets.

831
00:26:41.691 --> 00:26:43.191
It was loaded with crayons.

832
00:26:43.191 --> 00:26:44.731
I just need to cut one of these things..

833
00:26:44.731 --> 00:26:45.695
Do you have a pocket knife?

834
00:26:45.695 --> 00:26:46.930
<v Church>Hey, if you need to cut something</v>

835
00:26:46.930 --> 00:26:48.592
why don't you just use that big sword of yours?

836
00:26:48.592 --> 00:26:49.985
<v Tucker>Oh, right.</v>

837
00:26:49.985 --> 00:26:50.818
Duh.

838
00:26:52.155 --> 00:26:53.989
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg?</v>

839
00:26:53.989 --> 00:26:54.822
(Honk-Honk growls)

840
00:26:54.822 --> 00:26:56.230
<v Tucker>Ow, what the fuck?</v>

841
00:26:56.230 --> 00:26:57.645
<v Church>Man, Tucker,</v>

842
00:26:57.645 --> 00:26:59.486
that thing either really hates that sword

843
00:26:59.486 --> 00:27:00.707
or really hates you!

844
00:27:00.707 --> 00:27:02.787
(Tucker screaming)

845
00:27:02.787 --> 00:27:04.098
<v Tucker>Get this fucking thing off me!</v>

846
00:27:04.098 --> 00:27:05.922
<v Church>Wait a second, Tucker,</v>

847
00:27:05.922 --> 00:27:07.901
this might be a good chance for us to evaluate

848
00:27:07.901 --> 00:27:08.840
how these things fight.

849
00:27:08.840 --> 00:27:11.080
Now hold still, for science.

850
00:27:11.080 --> 00:27:14.247
<v Tucker>Not the face, not the face!</v>

851
00:27:15.133 --> 00:27:17.581
<v Simmons>Sarge, can you hear me, Sarge, come in!</v>

852
00:27:17.581 --> 00:27:19.838
Sarge, Sarge, do you read me, this is Simmons!

853
00:27:19.838 --> 00:27:20.671
Come in!

854
00:27:20.671 --> 00:27:21.932
<v Donut>Hello, Red army HQ,</v>

855
00:27:21.932 --> 00:27:23.085
we don't stop until every Blue is dead!

856
00:27:23.085 --> 00:27:24.272
<v Simmons>Donut, let me talk to Sarge.</v>

857
00:27:24.272 --> 00:27:26.966
<v Donut>For help in English, press or say one.</v>

858
00:27:26.966 --> 00:27:27.864
<v Simmons>One.</v>

859
00:27:27.864 --> 00:27:30.266
(Donut speaking in foreign language)

860
00:27:30.266 --> 00:27:31.445
One.

861
00:27:31.445 --> 00:27:32.278
One!

862
00:27:33.330 --> 00:27:34.862
God damn it!

863
00:27:34.862 --> 00:27:36.762
<v Donut>For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish</v>

864
00:27:36.762 --> 00:27:39.099
press one two, as in, "also."

865
00:27:39.099 --> 00:27:40.963
<v ->Donut!</v>
<v ->Oh, hey, Simmons!</v>

866
00:27:40.963 --> 00:27:41.842
What's up?

867
00:27:41.842 --> 00:27:43.144
<v Simmons>Donut, put Sarge on!</v>

868
00:27:43.144 --> 00:27:46.940
<v Donut>Ooh, yeah, Sarge is really busy.</v>

869
00:27:46.940 --> 00:27:48.861
Things have really picked up since you left.

870
00:27:48.861 --> 00:27:50.515
<v Sarge>Donut, I'm not here!</v>

871
00:27:50.515 --> 00:27:52.259
<v Donut>Let me see.</v>

872
00:27:52.259 --> 00:27:53.619
Do you mind if I put you on hold?

873
00:27:53.619 --> 00:27:54.579
<v Sarge>Just take a message!</v>

874
00:27:54.579 --> 00:27:55.917
<v Simmons>Donut, stop screening my calls!</v>

875
00:27:55.917 --> 00:27:57.101
<v Donut>Sorry, Simmons,</v>

876
00:27:57.101 --> 00:27:58.957
Sarge isn't available at the moment.

877
00:27:58.957 --> 00:28:01.797
I tell you what, I can ask him to call you back but,

878
00:28:01.797 --> 00:28:03.419
it's really better if you have an appointment.

879
00:28:03.419 --> 00:28:05.600
<v Simmons>Oh, for the love of God, I can hear him, Donut!</v>

880
00:28:05.600 --> 00:28:08.706
Would you just tell him I captured the blue base and,

881
00:28:08.706 --> 00:28:10.939
and I've taken possession of their tank.

882
00:28:10.939 --> 00:28:12.614
<v Donut>Right, right, Simmons-</v>

883
00:28:12.614 --> 00:28:13.827
<v Sarge>Tell him we've got Call Waiting..</v>

884
00:28:13.827 --> 00:28:14.712
<v Donut>Blue base-</v>

885
00:28:14.712 --> 00:28:16.705
<v Sarge>No, No, you're going through a tunnel!</v>

886
00:28:16.705 --> 00:28:17.955
<v Donut>Tank.</v>

887
00:28:19.509 --> 00:28:20.342
Tank!

888
00:28:20.342 --> 00:28:21.477
<v Simmons>Are you really writing this down?</v>

889
00:28:21.477 --> 00:28:22.955
<v Donut>Look, I have to go.</v>

890
00:28:22.955 --> 00:28:25.372
We have a conference call with Grif in five minutes.

891
00:28:25.372 --> 00:28:27.789
He's pitching ideas for how to use your rations.

892
00:28:27.789 --> 00:28:28.669
Gotta run.

893
00:28:28.669 --> 00:28:30.992
If anything comes up, we'll call you.

894
00:28:30.992 --> 00:28:32.329
And Simmons?
<v ->What?</v>

895
00:28:32.329 --> 00:28:34.192
<v Donut>This job is the best!</v>

896
00:28:34.192 --> 00:28:36.275
I can't believe you quit!

897
00:28:38.587 --> 00:28:39.606
<v Simmons>That's it.</v>

898
00:28:39.606 --> 00:28:40.868
I'm gonna kill them all.

899
00:28:40.868 --> 00:28:42.966
Hey, Sheila, lock and load!

900
00:28:42.966 --> 00:28:44.284
We got somewhere to go!

901
00:28:44.284 --> 00:28:45.472
<v Tucker>Ow.</v>

902
00:28:45.472 --> 00:28:47.278
Ow.

904
00:28:47.278 --> 00:28:49.512
<v Tex>All right, bomb, we need to talk.</v>

905
00:28:49.512 --> 00:28:53.091
<v Andy>(laughs) Talk about what, butch?</v>

906
00:28:53.091 --> 00:28:55.733
Working on cars and picking up chicks?

907
00:28:55.733 --> 00:28:56.733
<v Tex>Excuse me?</v>

908
00:28:56.733 --> 00:28:58.559
Is that any way to talk to a lady?

909
00:28:58.559 --> 00:28:59.651
<v Andy>A lady?</v>

910
00:28:59.651 --> 00:29:01.091
Who are you kidding?

911
00:29:01.091 --> 00:29:03.453
I'd bet you've got more balls than a roman candle!

912
00:29:03.453 --> 00:29:06.053
<v Tex>I knew this was a bad idea.</v>

913
00:29:06.053 --> 00:29:07.256
<v Andy>Hey, Tex?</v>

914
00:29:07.256 --> 00:29:08.893
Why you got black armor?

915
00:29:08.893 --> 00:29:10.616
You couldn't find any in flannel?

916
00:29:10.616 --> 00:29:11.736
<v ->Listen, jackass.</v>
<v ->Flannel!</v>

917
00:29:11.736 --> 00:29:14.972
<v Tex>I put you together, I can take you apart.</v>

918
00:29:14.972 --> 00:29:16.216
<v Andy>Hey what do you mean?</v>

919
00:29:16.216 --> 00:29:19.352
<v Tex>Bombs come with remote detonators, dumb ass.</v>

920
00:29:19.352 --> 00:29:21.257
And any time I want

921
00:29:21.257 --> 00:29:24.274
I can just hit a button and you're just a memory.

922
00:29:24.274 --> 00:29:27.474
A very annoying, very insulting memory,

923
00:29:27.474 --> 00:29:29.816
but nonetheless, a memory.

924
00:29:29.816 --> 00:29:32.399
<v Andy>I think you're bluffing.</v>

925
00:29:32.399 --> 00:29:34.150
Dike
<v ->Okay, strike two.</v>

926
00:29:34.150 --> 00:29:36.470
<v Andy>All right, what do you want?</v>

927
00:29:36.470 --> 00:29:38.334
<v Tex>Well, when I built you</v>

928
00:29:38.334 --> 00:29:40.541
I used parts of an old protocol robot.

929
00:29:40.541 --> 00:29:42.790
<v Andy>Yeah, sure, and you also used parts</v>

930
00:29:42.790 --> 00:29:44.526
from some of your more "personal" devices..

931
00:29:44.526 --> 00:29:45.740
<v Tex>Whoa, okay!</v>

932
00:29:45.740 --> 00:29:47.622
Can you use those protocol parts

933
00:29:47.622 --> 00:29:50.123
and translate what this alien thing is saying?

934
00:29:50.123 --> 00:29:51.206
<v Andy>Of course!</v>

935
00:29:51.206 --> 00:29:52.444
But what's in it for me?

936
00:29:52.444 --> 00:29:53.766
<v Tex>Let's put it this way,</v>

937
00:29:53.766 --> 00:29:57.902
you don't push my buttons and I don't push yours.

938
00:29:57.902 --> 00:30:00.502
<v Andy>All right, fine.</v>

939
00:30:00.502 --> 00:30:03.302
But I'm not translating any of that touchy-feely crap.

940
00:30:03.302 --> 00:30:05.135
<v Tex>Deal, come on.</v>

941
00:30:06.726 --> 00:30:08.260
Well, are you coming?

942
00:30:08.260 --> 00:30:09.998
<v Andy>What am I going to do, roll there?</v>

943
00:30:09.998 --> 00:30:11.686
Pick me up, you dumb bitch!

944
00:30:11.686 --> 00:30:12.684
<v Tex>Great.</v>

945
00:30:12.684 --> 00:30:14.701
I can tell this is starting off well.

946
00:30:14.701 --> 00:30:15.883
<v Andy>Hey, Tex,</v>

947
00:30:15.883 --> 00:30:17.963
I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball this big

948
00:30:17.963 --> 00:30:21.926
since your morning scratch! (laughs)

949
00:30:21.926 --> 00:30:24.994
(bomb thuds)
Aw, come on!

950
00:30:24.994 --> 00:30:27.803
Tex, baby, where you going?

951
00:30:27.803 --> 00:30:32.803
It's just a joke between the two of us guys, come on!

952
00:30:32.837 --> 00:30:37.749
Hey, Tex, when you walk away I can see where ya tucked it!

953
00:30:37.749 --> 00:30:40.753
<v Church>There is no way I'm gonna let this happen!</v>

954
00:30:40.753 --> 00:30:42.374
<v Tex>I told you he can do it!</v>

955
00:30:42.374 --> 00:30:43.852
<v Andy>Yeah, I'm qualified!</v>

956
00:30:43.852 --> 00:30:46.513
<v Church>Listen, I don't doubt that he can do it,</v>

957
00:30:46.513 --> 00:30:48.847
I doubt that I want him to do it.

958
00:30:48.847 --> 00:30:49.680
<v Andy>Why?</v>

959
00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:50.721
<v Church>Well, you know what, Andy?</v>

960
00:30:50.721 --> 00:30:53.761
You're not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals.

961
00:30:53.761 --> 00:30:55.004
<v Andy>That's bullshit!</v>

962
00:30:55.004 --> 00:30:57.044
You're only saying that because you're a racist!

963
00:30:57.044 --> 00:30:58.041
<v Church>Racist?</v>

964
00:30:58.041 --> 00:30:59.480
Bombs are not a race!

965
00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:01.818
<v Andy>Aw, shut up, you dirty shisno.</v>

966
00:31:01.818 --> 00:31:04.943
<v Church>We finally make contact with an alien being</v>

967
00:31:04.943 --> 00:31:07.343
and our first attempt at communication

968
00:31:07.343 --> 00:31:09.161
is gonna be through a bomb?

969
00:31:09.161 --> 00:31:11.503
Am I the only person who has a problem with this?

970
00:31:11.503 --> 00:31:12.659
<v Andy>Well, unless you've got</v>

971
00:31:12.659 --> 00:31:14.196
your English to Blarg-Blarg dictionary,

972
00:31:14.196 --> 00:31:16.239
I don't think you have a choice, now do you?

973
00:31:16.239 --> 00:31:18.900
<v Caboose>I had one of those, but I threw it out.</v>

974
00:31:18.900 --> 00:31:20.437
It didn't have many pictures.

975
00:31:20.437 --> 00:31:22.036
<v Tex>I'm sure this'll be fine..</v>

976
00:31:22.036 --> 00:31:23.881
<v Church>You know, I feel like I'm gonna regret this,</v>

977
00:31:23.881 --> 00:31:26.361
but I feel even more that I just don't care

978
00:31:26.361 --> 00:31:28.201
and that watching this whole thing unravel

979
00:31:28.201 --> 00:31:29.321
might be kinda interesting.

980
00:31:29.321 --> 00:31:30.154
Go for it.

981
00:31:30.154 --> 00:31:32.095
<v Tex>All right, where's the alien?</v>

982
00:31:32.095 --> 00:31:33.753
<v Church>Oh, shit, I forgot!</v>

983
00:31:33.753 --> 00:31:37.255
(punches thudding)
<v ->Ow, ow, ow!</v>

984
00:31:37.255 --> 00:31:38.505
<v Donut>Grif?</v>

985
00:31:39.532 --> 00:31:40.365
Oh, Grif?

986
00:31:44.551 --> 00:31:45.384
Grif!

987
00:31:45.384 --> 00:31:46.907
<v Grif>(sighs) Great.</v>

988
00:31:46.907 --> 00:31:47.991
<v Donut>There you are!</v>

989
00:31:47.991 --> 00:31:48.824
Where have you been?

990
00:31:48.824 --> 00:31:49.657
<v Grif>Right here</v>

991
00:31:49.657 --> 00:31:51.076
<v Donut>I've been looking all over for you.</v>

992
00:31:51.076 --> 00:31:53.298
I looked in the base, I looked around the base,

993
00:31:53.298 --> 00:31:56.312
I looked atop of the base, I looked in the base again.

994
00:31:56.312 --> 00:31:58.476
<v Grif>I think you need to learn what all over means.</v>

995
00:31:58.476 --> 00:32:00.796
<v Donut>Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back to the base</v>

996
00:32:00.796 --> 00:32:01.629
and-
<v ->No!</v>

997
00:32:01.629 --> 00:32:02.768
I'm not going to do it.

998
00:32:02.768 --> 00:32:03.895
<v Donut>No?</v>

999
00:32:03.895 --> 00:32:05.706
But I didn't tell you what he wants!

1000
00:32:05.706 --> 00:32:07.146
<v Grif>Donut, it's Sarge.</v>

1001
00:32:07.146 --> 00:32:08.367
I know he doesn't want me to come into the base

1002
00:32:08.367 --> 00:32:09.583
to help him eat ice cream.

1003
00:32:09.583 --> 00:32:12.186
He wants me to do stuff, work stuff.

1004
00:32:12.186 --> 00:32:13.183
<v ->But-</v>
<v ->Listen, Donut,</v>

1005
00:32:13.183 --> 00:32:15.603
I know you're riding high on your new promotion right now

1006
00:32:15.603 --> 00:32:17.300
but don't think you can order me around.

1007
00:32:17.300 --> 00:32:19.061
Me and Simmons, we had a system.

1008
00:32:19.061 --> 00:32:20.586
He didn't try to tell me what to do

1009
00:32:20.586 --> 00:32:21.866
and I didn't ignore him.

1010
00:32:21.866 --> 00:32:23.343
<v Donut>Wait, you ignored him all the time!</v>

1011
00:32:23.343 --> 00:32:25.465
<v Grif>I'm sorry, what, I wasn't listening to you.</v>

1012
00:32:25.465 --> 00:32:26.900
See, the system works!

1013
00:32:26.900 --> 00:32:29.167
Learn the system, Donut..

1014
00:32:29.167 --> 00:32:30.839
Look at those jerks.

1015
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:32.466
They don't know how good they have it.

1016
00:32:32.466 --> 00:32:34.263
All right, Sheila, remember the plan.

1017
00:32:34.263 --> 00:32:35.503
We don't want to hurt them.

1018
00:32:35.503 --> 00:32:37.706
I just wanna make them totally jealous for kicking me out.

1019
00:32:37.706 --> 00:32:39.253
How does my armor look, am I all blue?

1020
00:32:39.253 --> 00:32:40.086
<v Sheila>Yes!</v>

1021
00:32:40.086 --> 00:32:42.647
<v Simmons>Okay, let's start operation Blue With Envy.</v>

1022
00:32:42.647 --> 00:32:46.807
You know, because normally it's green, but I'm, I'm blue.

1023
00:32:46.807 --> 00:32:50.647
but it doesn't make any sense to say, you know.

1024
00:32:50.647 --> 00:32:52.189
Attack!

1025
00:32:52.189 --> 00:32:54.083
Hey, Sheila, you know what's great?

1026
00:32:54.083 --> 00:32:55.677
Being on Blue team!

1027
00:32:55.677 --> 00:32:57.527
It's so awesome!

1028
00:32:57.527 --> 00:33:00.167
Way more awesome than being on that old Red team!

1029
00:33:00.167 --> 00:33:02.765
Anyone can be on the Red team, we have to share a base.

1030
00:33:02.765 --> 00:33:04.930
On Blue team, I get my own base!

1031
00:33:04.930 --> 00:33:06.484
<v Grif>Is that Simmons?</v>

1032
00:33:06.484 --> 00:33:09.200
Hey, Simmons, why are you painted blue?

1033
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.602
Have you finally lost it?

1034
00:33:10.602 --> 00:33:12.303
<v Simmons>This isn't working, they don't care.</v>

1035
00:33:12.303 --> 00:33:13.624
Sheila, just shoot at them.

1036
00:33:13.624 --> 00:33:14.784
<v Sheila>Firing main cannon.</v>

1037
00:33:14.784 --> 00:33:16.144
<v Donut>I did my best Sarge,</v>

1038
00:33:16.144 --> 00:33:17.685
but Grif said he wouldn't come help!

1039
00:33:17.685 --> 00:33:19.104
<v Sarge>Son of a Ben andamp; Jerry!</v>

1040
00:33:19.104 --> 00:33:21.243
Who's going to help me eat all this ice cream we found?

1041
00:33:21.243 --> 00:33:22.657
(explosion booms)

1042
00:33:22.657 --> 00:33:24.009
<v Donut>Ah, we're under attack!</v>

1043
00:33:24.009 --> 00:33:26.805
<v Sarge>Donut, you formulate a retaliation strategy!</v>

1044
00:33:26.805 --> 00:33:29.474
I'll secure the rum raisin!

1045
00:33:29.474 --> 00:33:32.224
<v Tucker>Oh man, I'm gonna die!</v>

1046
00:33:34.363 --> 00:33:37.569
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg Blarg Honk!</v>

1047
00:33:37.569 --> 00:33:39.677
<v Caboose>What's he saying now, Andy?</v>

1048
00:33:39.677 --> 00:33:41.944
<v Andy>Look guys, if you want me to translate for you</v>

1049
00:33:41.944 --> 00:33:44.308
you can't keep asking me every four seconds,

1050
00:33:44.308 --> 00:33:46.397
what's he saying now, Andy?

1051
00:33:46.397 --> 00:33:48.047
What's he saying now?

1052
00:33:48.047 --> 00:33:51.508
I'm gonna tell you what he's saying, that's my frickin job!

1053
00:33:51.508 --> 00:33:52.546
<v Caboose>That's what he said?</v>

1054
00:33:52.546 --> 00:33:54.914
That's a weird thing to say.

1055
00:33:54.914 --> 00:33:59.331
Tell him I said, okay, I will not ask anymore of, uh,

1056
00:34:02.904 --> 00:34:04.404
that and also, no.

1057
00:34:06.104 --> 00:34:08.404
<v Church>I think I need a translator just for Caboose.</v>

1058
00:34:08.404 --> 00:34:09.658
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg!</v>

1059
00:34:09.658 --> 00:34:12.404
<v Andy>Okay, basically he's, uh, he says he's pissed off.</v>

1060
00:34:12.404 --> 00:34:13.293
<v Church>Oh really?</v>

1061
00:34:13.293 --> 00:34:14.380
No kidding!

1062
00:34:14.380 --> 00:34:16.647
Tex, are we paying for this service?

1063
00:34:16.647 --> 00:34:18.098
<v Tex>Just give him a chance!</v>

1064
00:34:18.098 --> 00:34:20.225
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg, blarg blarg blarg.</v>

1065
00:34:20.225 --> 00:34:21.927
<v Andy>Says he came here to claim some type of thing</v>

1066
00:34:21.927 --> 00:34:24.864
and that the Teal One took the thing

1067
00:34:24.864 --> 00:34:26.685
and now the thing is gone.

1068
00:34:26.685 --> 00:34:27.987
<v Tucker>Who's the Teal One?</v>

1069
00:34:27.987 --> 00:34:29.203
<v Tex>You are, idiot.</v>

1070
00:34:29.203 --> 00:34:30.478
<v Tucker>No way, I'm Aqua!</v>

1071
00:34:30.478 --> 00:34:31.515
Teal's out!

1072
00:34:31.515 --> 00:34:33.273
<v Church>That thing that he's talking about</v>

1073
00:34:33.273 --> 00:34:35.953
must be that sword and it's not broken, it's right there!

1074
00:34:35.953 --> 00:34:37.755
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg!</v>

1075
00:34:37.755 --> 00:34:39.987
<v Andy>He says, it only works for the hero</v>

1076
00:34:39.987 --> 00:34:41.523
who passes the trial of the windmill

1077
00:34:41.523 --> 00:34:43.383
and retrieves it from its resting place.

1078
00:34:43.383 --> 00:34:45.587
For everyone else it might as well be broken.

1079
00:34:45.587 --> 00:34:47.088
<v ->Uh-oh.</v>
<v ->Trial?</v>

1080
00:34:47.088 --> 00:34:49.590
Please, I fell in a hole, that's not a trial.

1081
00:34:49.590 --> 00:34:51.248
I'm starting to like this culture though.

1082
00:34:51.248 --> 00:34:53.200
Any dude who trips is a hero.

1083
00:34:53.200 --> 00:34:55.226
I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God.

1084
00:34:55.226 --> 00:34:56.950
<v Church>This all sounds like bullshit to me.</v>

1085
00:34:56.950 --> 00:34:58.044
<v Tex>No, he's right.</v>

1086
00:34:58.044 --> 00:34:59.425
It didn't work for me, remember?

1087
00:34:59.425 --> 00:35:01.918
<v Church>Of course it didn't work for you, you're a girl!</v>

1088
00:35:01.918 --> 00:35:02.857
I mean, you can't even work

1089
00:35:02.857 --> 00:35:04.443
the entertainment center back at the base!

1090
00:35:04.443 --> 00:35:05.921
Doesn't mean the remote control

1091
00:35:05.921 --> 00:35:06.963
is mythically attached to us.

1092
00:35:06.963 --> 00:35:08.504
<v Tex>All right then, you little smart ass,</v>

1093
00:35:08.504 --> 00:35:10.671
you pick it up and try it!

1094
00:35:12.359 --> 00:35:13.725
(Honk-Honk laughing)

1095
00:35:13.725 --> 00:35:15.701
<v Church>Nah, I'll take his word for it.</v>

1096
00:35:15.701 --> 00:35:17.579
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg, blarg.</v>

1097
00:35:17.579 --> 00:35:19.342
<v Andy>And now you got to go with him</v>

1098
00:35:19.342 --> 00:35:20.562
to fulfill the prophecy.

1099
00:35:20.562 --> 00:35:21.403
<v Tucker>Fuck you!</v>

1100
00:35:21.403 --> 00:35:23.470
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg blarg, honk honk!</v>

1101
00:35:23.470 --> 00:35:26.286
<v Andy>Heh heh heh, good one!</v>

1102
00:35:26.286 --> 00:35:29.364
Uh, yeah, he's, he's not too thrilled about it either.

1103
00:35:29.364 --> 00:35:31.086
<v Tucker>See, I knew this was a bad idea!</v>

1104
00:35:31.086 --> 00:35:34.088
Sorry to fuck up your quest, dude, but I'm not going!

1105
00:35:34.088 --> 00:35:35.916
<v Andy>And if you don't go,</v>

1106
00:35:35.916 --> 00:35:38.939
he'll destroy the base and kill everybody here.

1107
00:35:40.206 --> 00:35:41.563
<v Church>All right, well have fun, guys.</v>

1108
00:35:41.563 --> 00:35:43.950
<v Tex>Hey, a quest sounds fun, come on, Tucker!</v>

1109
00:35:43.950 --> 00:35:45.646
<v Andy>I think he should stay here,</v>

1110
00:35:45.646 --> 00:35:48.971
'cause I like that killing everybody option.

1111
00:35:48.971 --> 00:35:49.954
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg blarg.</v>

1112
00:35:49.954 --> 00:35:50.942
<v Andy>Then, after we cross</v>

1113
00:35:50.942 --> 00:35:52.600
the Burning Plains of Honka Hill,

1114
00:35:52.600 --> 00:35:55.778
we're gonna reach the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia.

1115
00:35:55.778 --> 00:35:57.062
<v Caboose>The Burning Plains</v>

1116
00:35:57.062 --> 00:35:58.782
are next to the Freezing Plains?

1117
00:35:58.782 --> 00:36:01.662
I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between.

1118
00:36:01.662 --> 00:36:03.876
<v Tucker>This is so dumb, I'm not doing this!</v>

1119
00:36:03.876 --> 00:36:06.360
<v Church>Hey, news flash, you don't have a choice.</v>

1120
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:07.299
You're the one that picked up the sword

1121
00:36:07.299 --> 00:36:08.739
and locked it to yourself.

1122
00:36:08.739 --> 00:36:09.736
<v Tucker>I know!</v>

1123
00:36:09.736 --> 00:36:11.176
And I'm so used to picking up things

1124
00:36:11.176 --> 00:36:13.859
and not letting them get attached.

1125
00:36:13.859 --> 00:36:14.891
I'm talkin' about women.

1126
00:36:14.891 --> 00:36:16.398
<v Church>I know, yes, I got it.</v>

1127
00:36:16.398 --> 00:36:17.596
<v Tex>Don't worry, Tucker,</v>

1128
00:36:17.596 --> 00:36:18.790
we're not gonna send you alone.

1129
00:36:18.790 --> 00:36:20.206
<v ->You're coming with me, Tex?</v>
<v ->Me?</v>

1130
00:36:20.206 --> 00:36:21.039
Hell, no!

1131
00:36:21.895 --> 00:36:23.613
This is the first thing you wimps have done

1132
00:36:23.613 --> 00:36:24.895
that actually sounds dangerous.

1133
00:36:24.895 --> 00:36:26.335
<v Tucker>Well, I'm not going with Church,</v>

1134
00:36:26.335 --> 00:36:27.834
that guy is a worse fighter than I am.

1135
00:36:27.834 --> 00:36:28.989
<v Church>Well, you're in luck then!</v>

1136
00:36:28.989 --> 00:36:29.970
Because I'm not going either!

1137
00:36:29.970 --> 00:36:32.433
<v Tucker>What? Then who?</v>

1138
00:36:32.433 --> 00:36:33.999
No fucking way!

1139
00:36:33.999 --> 00:36:35.108
I'm not going with him!

1140
00:36:35.108 --> 00:36:36.166
<v Caboose>Oh, oh, oh,</v>

1141
00:36:36.166 --> 00:36:38.245
I hope we meet a cleric along the way!

1142
00:36:38.245 --> 00:36:39.647
None of us knows how to heal.

1143
00:36:39.647 --> 00:36:40.730
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg?</v>

1144
00:36:40.730 --> 00:36:41.885
<v Andy>He says he's a healer.</v>

1145
00:36:41.885 --> 00:36:43.289
<v Tucker>Oh, good.</v>

1146
00:36:43.289 --> 00:36:44.702
<v Andy>Heh heh, not really.</v>

1147
00:36:44.702 --> 00:36:46.905
They eat their wounded, heh heh heh.

1148
00:36:46.905 --> 00:36:49.369
<v Caboose>Just like chiropractors.</v>

1149
00:36:49.369 --> 00:36:51.726
<v Tucker>This is a joke, right, you're sending Caboose?</v>

1150
00:36:51.726 --> 00:36:52.764
What's wrong with you?

1151
00:36:52.764 --> 00:36:53.943
<v Church>What's wrong with me?</v>

1152
00:36:53.943 --> 00:36:56.258
I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it!

1153
00:36:56.258 --> 00:36:57.783
There's nothing wrong with me.

1154
00:36:57.783 --> 00:37:01.370
<v Caboose>Okay, so, Tucker is a fighter,</v>

1155
00:37:01.370 --> 00:37:05.370
Crunchbite is the healer, and I am the powerful,

1156
00:37:08.001 --> 00:37:10.834
and intelligent wizard, Morphumax!

1157
00:37:12.641 --> 00:37:14.338
<v Andy>What the hell does that make me?</v>

1158
00:37:14.338 --> 00:37:16.941
<v Caboose>You're the good looking and stealthy archer.</v>

1159
00:37:16.941 --> 00:37:18.365
<v Andy>A bow and arrow?</v>

1160
00:37:18.365 --> 00:37:21.085
I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!

1161
00:37:21.085 --> 00:37:25.002
<v Caboose>That is what makes you so stealthy.</v>

1162
00:37:26.301 --> 00:37:29.922
This is going to be the best party ever.

1163
00:37:29.922 --> 00:37:31.485
<v Tucker>I'm gonna fucking die.</v>

1164
00:37:31.485 --> 00:37:33.122
<v Church>Yeah, I guess this is it, Tucker!</v>

1165
00:37:33.122 --> 00:37:34.301
Nice knowing you!

1166
00:37:34.301 --> 00:37:36.343
<v Tucker>Oh, you better hope that I don't die,</v>

1167
00:37:36.343 --> 00:37:38.903
'cause if I do you're the one taking care of my kids.

1168
00:37:38.903 --> 00:37:40.128
<v Church>You have kids?</v>

1169
00:37:40.128 --> 00:37:41.069
<v Tucker>Hehe, probably!</v>

1170
00:37:41.069 --> 00:37:42.888
<v Sheila>Firing main cannon.</v>

1171
00:37:42.888 --> 00:37:44.403
<v Simmons>Yeah, take that!</v>

1172
00:37:44.403 --> 00:37:45.869
Suck it Blue, I mean, Red!

1173
00:37:45.869 --> 00:37:48.269
Suck it Blue, uh, damn, Red!

1174
00:37:48.269 --> 00:37:50.227
God, this is harder than I thought.

1175
00:37:50.227 --> 00:37:51.949
<v Grif>Hey Simmons, what the hell are you doing?</v>

1176
00:37:51.949 --> 00:37:53.363
<v Simmons>What does it look like I'm doing?</v>

1177
00:37:53.363 --> 00:37:56.045
I'm attacking the Blue base, I mean, the Red base, fuck!

1178
00:37:56.045 --> 00:37:57.555
<v Donut>Defense is established Sarge!</v>

1179
00:37:57.555 --> 00:37:58.585
(explosion booms)

1180
00:37:58.585 --> 00:38:00.860
Cancel that Sarge, defenses are destroyed.

1181
00:38:00.860 --> 00:38:02.434
<v Grif>Killing our own team, huh?</v>

1182
00:38:02.434 --> 00:38:03.457
That's cool.

1183
00:38:03.457 --> 00:38:05.314
Hey listen, how long do you expect

1184
00:38:05.314 --> 00:38:06.431
this whole crazy thing to last?

1185
00:38:06.431 --> 00:38:07.536
<v Simmons>I'm not crazy, Grif,</v>

1186
00:38:07.536 --> 00:38:08.490
you just wouldn't listen to me

1187
00:38:08.490 --> 00:38:09.724
when I said there was a tank!

1188
00:38:09.724 --> 00:38:10.785
<v Grif>I listened to you.</v>

1189
00:38:10.785 --> 00:38:13.190
<v Simmons>You told Sarge that there wasn't a tank!</v>

1190
00:38:13.190 --> 00:38:15.143
There it is, it's a tank!

1191
00:38:15.143 --> 00:38:18.555
<v Grif>Oh, you said listen to you, not agree with you.</v>

1192
00:38:18.555 --> 00:38:20.870
Yeah, I thought that joke was pretty funny,

1193
00:38:20.870 --> 00:38:22.715
but now Donut's my manager and

1194
00:38:22.715 --> 00:38:23.793
everything kinda sucks now..

1195
00:38:23.793 --> 00:38:24.695
<v Simmons>Well too bad,</v>

1196
00:38:24.695 --> 00:38:26.935
'cause this is what you get now you dumb Blue bitch,

1197
00:38:26.935 --> 00:38:27.768
Red bitch!

1198
00:38:27.768 --> 00:38:28.790
Fuck, you know what I mean!

1199
00:38:28.790 --> 00:38:29.697
<v Sheila>Firing main cannon.</v>

1200
00:38:29.697 --> 00:38:31.480
<v Sarge>Great sodium chloride!</v>

1201
00:38:31.480 --> 00:38:33.400
There goes my chemistry set!

1202
00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:34.658
<v Grif>I don't think killing Sarge</v>

1203
00:38:34.658 --> 00:38:35.997
is much of a punishment for me.

1204
00:38:35.997 --> 00:38:37.698
Just come back to the base, man.

1205
00:38:37.698 --> 00:38:39.357
I'll let you boss me around again.

1206
00:38:39.357 --> 00:38:40.360
<v Simmons>I don't know,</v>

1207
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:41.981
I think you're just telling me what I wanna hear!

1208
00:38:41.981 --> 00:38:43.160
<v Grif>I am, see?</v>

1209
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:44.897
It's just like old times!

1210
00:38:44.897 --> 00:38:45.981
Come on, buddy!

1211
00:38:45.981 --> 00:38:47.258
<v Simmons>Will you help me clean my armor?</v>

1212
00:38:47.258 --> 00:38:49.037
<v Grif>How about I promise to help you clean it</v>

1213
00:38:49.037 --> 00:38:50.818
but then just convince Donut to do it later?

1214
00:38:50.818 --> 00:38:52.616
<v Simmons>Ah, good old Grif!</v>

1215
00:38:52.616 --> 00:38:54.136
<v Sarge>Simmons, is that you?</v>

1216
00:38:54.136 --> 00:38:55.994
<v Simmons>Yeah, Sarge, but don't worry, we got-</v>

1217
00:38:55.994 --> 00:38:58.712
<v Sarge>Simmons, I can understand you're going crazy</v>

1218
00:38:58.712 --> 00:39:00.338
and seeing imaginary tanks!

1219
00:39:00.338 --> 00:39:03.117
<v Simmons>The tank is right there, for the love of God!</v>

1220
00:39:03.117 --> 00:39:04.856
<v Sarge>And I can obviously understand</v>

1221
00:39:04.856 --> 00:39:06.898
why you'd want to attack your own base.

1222
00:39:06.898 --> 00:39:07.731
<v Simmons>You can?</v>

1223
00:39:07.731 --> 00:39:10.133
<v Sarge>But painting yourself blue!</v>

1224
00:39:10.133 --> 00:39:13.114
Dear God, man, don't you have any shame at all?

1225
00:39:13.114 --> 00:39:14.664
<v Grif>Hey, Sarge, you should also note</v>

1226
00:39:14.664 --> 00:39:15.770
that he missed a couple of spots!

1227
00:39:15.770 --> 00:39:16.773
<v Sarge>Grif?</v>

1228
00:39:16.773 --> 00:39:19.214
What in Sam Hell are you doing out there?

1229
00:39:19.214 --> 00:39:21.304
At least Simmons has the intelligence

1230
00:39:21.304 --> 00:39:22.928
to formulate a mutinous plan.

1231
00:39:22.928 --> 00:39:23.885
<v Simmons>Thank you, sir!</v>

1232
00:39:23.885 --> 00:39:25.124
I mean, suck it Blue!

1233
00:39:25.124 --> 00:39:27.079
God dammit, I mean Red!

1234
00:39:27.079 --> 00:39:29.024
<v Sarge>But you're a slothful idiot!</v>

1235
00:39:29.024 --> 00:39:32.163
Treason takes effort, I never expected this from you..

1236
00:39:32.163 --> 00:39:33.124
<v Grif>Ah, up yours.</v>

1237
00:39:33.124 --> 00:39:34.464
<v Sarge>What was that?</v>

1238
00:39:34.464 --> 00:39:35.867
<v Grif>Up yours, sir!</v>

1239
00:39:35.867 --> 00:39:36.737
<v Sarge>That's better!</v>

1240
00:39:36.737 --> 00:39:38.405
<v Church>Well, good luck guys.</v>

1241
00:39:38.405 --> 00:39:40.384
Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day.

1242
00:39:40.384 --> 00:39:42.564
Tucker, that goes double for you.

1243
00:39:42.564 --> 00:39:43.397
<v Tucker>What?</v>

1244
00:39:43.397 --> 00:39:44.271
I'm the cleanest guy here!

1245
00:39:44.271 --> 00:39:45.851
<v Church>No, it goes double for you</v>

1246
00:39:45.851 --> 00:39:47.792
because now you're in charge of changing Caboose as well.

1247
00:39:47.792 --> 00:39:49.117
<v Tucker>I hate you.</v>

1248
00:39:49.117 --> 00:39:50.727
<v Andy>He doesn't wear any pants</v>

1249
00:39:50.727 --> 00:39:52.205
<v Tucker>Yeah, we noticed.</v>

1250
00:39:52.205 --> 00:39:53.831
If we meet anybody on this adventure,

1251
00:39:53.831 --> 00:39:54.922
that might have to change.

1252
00:39:54.922 --> 00:39:55.755
<v Andy>Why?</v>

1253
00:39:55.755 --> 00:39:57.227
We're used to being naked.

1254
00:39:57.227 --> 00:39:58.391
Free-ballin'.

1255
00:39:58.391 --> 00:39:59.467
Come on!.

1256
00:39:59.467 --> 00:40:00.852
Commando.

1257
00:40:00.852 --> 00:40:02.055
<v Tucker>Let me just put it this way,</v>

1258
00:40:02.055 --> 00:40:03.168
I felt less threatened

1259
00:40:03.168 --> 00:40:04.677
when Tex was staring at just the sword.

1260
00:40:04.677 --> 00:40:05.953
<v Tex>Huh, what, oh?</v>

1261
00:40:05.953 --> 00:40:08.786
Um, yeah, I was just admiring his,

1262
00:40:10.193 --> 00:40:12.570
his alien muscle structure.

1263
00:40:12.570 --> 00:40:14.049
<v Tucker>Yeah, one particular part</v>

1264
00:40:14.049 --> 00:40:14.882
of his muscle structure.

1265
00:40:14.882 --> 00:40:16.488
<v Tex>Well, that's just a matter of penis,</v>

1266
00:40:16.488 --> 00:40:18.661
I mean, uh, opinion, opinion.

1267
00:40:18.661 --> 00:40:20.024
That's, that's what I meant, yes.

1268
00:40:20.024 --> 00:40:20.857
<v Church>Smooth.</v>

1269
00:40:20.857 --> 00:40:22.801
<v Caboose>You told me it was another arm!</v>

1270
00:40:22.801 --> 00:40:24.087
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg!</v>

1271
00:40:24.087 --> 00:40:25.864
<v Andy>Hey, Caboose, high five!</v>

1272
00:40:25.864 --> 00:40:28.205
<v Caboose>I don't want to do that any more.</v>

1273
00:40:28.205 --> 00:40:29.038
<v Church>Tucker, come here,</v>

1274
00:40:29.038 --> 00:40:30.195
I want to talk to you for a second.

1275
00:40:30.195 --> 00:40:31.699
Listen, just drop off this weapon

1276
00:40:31.699 --> 00:40:33.619
and get back to Blue base as fast as you can.

1277
00:40:33.619 --> 00:40:35.160
<v Tucker>What if I have to kill stuff, dude?</v>

1278
00:40:35.160 --> 00:40:36.317
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

1279
00:40:36.317 --> 00:40:38.018
<v Church>Hey, Tucker, I'm the same way.</v>

1280
00:40:38.018 --> 00:40:39.640
That's why we get along so well.

1281
00:40:39.640 --> 00:40:41.976
We're both just a couple of lovers.

1282
00:40:41.976 --> 00:40:43.558
<v Tucker>That sounded kinda gay, dude.</v>

1283
00:40:43.558 --> 00:40:45.596
<v Church>Yeah, it did, um,</v>

1284
00:40:45.596 --> 00:40:48.995
I feel obligated to say something encouraging, as your boss.

1285
00:40:48.995 --> 00:40:50.296
<v Tucker>Our Captain died.</v>

1286
00:40:50.296 --> 00:40:52.280
You're just the guy pretending to be my boss..

1287
00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:54.014
<v Church>You know, in our given situation,</v>

1288
00:40:54.014 --> 00:40:56.249
technically, you could be seen as one of my employees.

1289
00:40:56.249 --> 00:40:57.176
<v Tucker>Except that I'm not.</v>

1290
00:40:57.176 --> 00:40:58.126
<v Church>Whatever!</v>

1291
00:40:58.126 --> 00:40:59.208
Listen I just,

1292
00:40:59.208 --> 00:41:02.830
as someone in an employee manager relationship-

1293
00:41:02.830 --> 00:41:04.531
<v Tucker>Which doesn't exist.</v>

1294
00:41:04.531 --> 00:41:06.131
Why did you pull me aside again?

1295
00:41:06.131 --> 00:41:07.448
<v Church>You know, I'm sure it was</v>

1296
00:41:07.448 --> 00:41:09.468
to say something inspiring or something

1297
00:41:09.468 --> 00:41:11.169
but, now, I just don't care.

1298
00:41:11.169 --> 00:41:12.951
<v Tucker>I'ma go, man.</v>

1299
00:41:12.951 --> 00:41:13.921
<v Andy>Hey, lady!</v>

1300
00:41:13.921 --> 00:41:15.360
Come on, hustle up!

1301
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:17.599
If you got to use the bathroom do it now

1302
00:41:17.599 --> 00:41:19.124
'cause I'm not pulling over.

1303
00:41:19.124 --> 00:41:20.884
<v Church>You know, I have to say I'm a little surprised</v>

1304
00:41:20.884 --> 00:41:21.717
that you're not going with them.

1305
00:41:21.717 --> 00:41:22.550
<v Tex>Why?</v>

1306
00:41:22.550 --> 00:41:23.943
Quests are dangerous.

1307
00:41:23.943 --> 00:41:24.880
<v Church>Yeah, but they usually have</v>

1308
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:26.160
some kind of big reward at the end, you know,

1309
00:41:26.160 --> 00:41:28.439
like some big treasure chest or

1310
00:41:28.439 --> 00:41:30.994
an entire room filled with gold and art.

1311
00:41:30.994 --> 00:41:32.333
It's not really like you to pass up

1312
00:41:32.333 --> 00:41:34.909
on something like that, Tex.

1313
00:41:34.909 --> 00:41:35.742
Tex?

1314
00:41:37.352 --> 00:41:39.352
You're gone, aren't you?

1315
00:41:40.552 --> 00:41:42.738
(sighs) I really should've seen that coming.

1316
00:41:42.738 --> 00:41:44.478
<v Sarge>Well, this is a tough one.</v>

1317
00:41:44.478 --> 00:41:46.326
Simmons appears to have captured Grif,

1318
00:41:46.326 --> 00:41:48.042
which means we're down a man.

1319
00:41:48.042 --> 00:41:50.863
And now that man has taken Grif prisoner.

1320
00:41:50.863 --> 00:41:52.398
So does that make us even?

1321
00:41:52.398 --> 00:41:53.687
What's one plus turd?

1322
00:41:53.687 --> 00:41:55.830
Dammit, only Grif could screw up math!

1323
00:41:55.830 --> 00:41:57.067
<v Simmons>Hurry up, Grif.</v>

1324
00:41:57.067 --> 00:41:57.900
<v Grif>You know, Simmons,</v>

1325
00:41:57.900 --> 00:41:59.471
you don't make a very good hostage taker.

1326
00:41:59.471 --> 00:42:01.436
My last prisoner experience was much cooler.

1327
00:42:01.436 --> 00:42:02.269
<v Simmons>What?</v>

1328
00:42:02.269 --> 00:42:03.911
<v Grif>You haven't even yelled at me one time.</v>

1329
00:42:03.911 --> 00:42:05.077
<v Simmons>You're doing everything right!</v>

1330
00:42:05.077 --> 00:42:06.388
I think yelling should be reserved

1331
00:42:06.388 --> 00:42:08.236
for only the most critical of situations,

1332
00:42:08.236 --> 00:42:10.198
like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!

1333
00:42:10.198 --> 00:42:11.747
<v Grif>Come on, Simmons, I'm a prisoner!</v>

1334
00:42:11.747 --> 00:42:13.252
You should be jabbing me in the back

1335
00:42:13.252 --> 00:42:15.791
with your gun and saying, "get moving scum!"

1336
00:42:15.791 --> 00:42:17.340
<v ->Get going!</v>
<v ->Louder!</v>

1337
00:42:17.340 --> 00:42:19.449
<v ->I said move!</v>
<v ->Yeah, that's it!</v>

1338
00:42:19.449 --> 00:42:20.567
<v Simmons>Move it, soldier!</v>

1339
00:42:20.567 --> 00:42:22.169
<v Grif>Okay, seriously, that hurts.</v>

1340
00:42:22.169 --> 00:42:23.765
(guitar riff)

1341
00:42:23.765 --> 00:42:26.432
Man, these guys really like blue lights!

1342
00:42:26.432 --> 00:42:29.274
I mean, I know this is Blue base and all but come on.

1343
00:42:29.274 --> 00:42:30.941
You don't have to beat us over the head with it.

1344
00:42:30.941 --> 00:42:31.789
<v Simmons>Get in the hole!</v>

1345
00:42:31.789 --> 00:42:32.891
<v Grif>You have a hole?</v>

1346
00:42:32.891 --> 00:42:34.540
Whoa, now that's cool!

1347
00:42:34.540 --> 00:42:35.993
I take back everything I said,

1348
00:42:35.993 --> 00:42:38.181
this is much creepier than my last time in the joint.

1349
00:42:38.181 --> 00:42:39.014
<v Simmons>Move!</v>

1350
00:42:39.014 --> 00:42:40.397
<v Grif>Dude, if you keep doing that</v>

1351
00:42:40.397 --> 00:42:41.585
this is gonna get old quick.

1352
00:42:41.585 --> 00:42:43.722
<v Simmons>I said in the hole!</v>

1353
00:42:43.722 --> 00:42:45.503
Who's the bad hostage taker now, bitch?

1354
00:42:45.503 --> 00:42:48.222
<v Grif>Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole.</v>

1355
00:42:48.222 --> 00:42:49.055
<v Simmons>What?</v>

1356
00:42:49.055 --> 00:42:49.888
Get back in there!

1357
00:42:49.888 --> 00:42:51.027
(punch thuds)

1358
00:42:51.027 --> 00:42:52.032
<v Grif>Wee!</v>

1359
00:42:52.032 --> 00:42:53.515
Look, I came out backwards this time!

1360
00:42:53.515 --> 00:42:54.437
<v Simmons>You're supposed to,</v>

1361
00:42:54.437 --> 00:42:56.481
you're the prisoner, stay down there!

1362
00:42:56.481 --> 00:42:58.413
<v Andy>Hey, it's been explaining to me</v>

1363
00:42:58.413 --> 00:42:59.955
everything we should encounter.

1364
00:42:59.955 --> 00:43:02.432
The legend's pretty old, but the details are pretty clear.

1365
00:43:02.432 --> 00:43:03.265
<v Tucker>Listen, dude.</v>

1366
00:43:03.265 --> 00:43:05.372
I don't care what you say, I'm not killing any monsters.

1367
00:43:05.372 --> 00:43:06.688
<v Andy>Hey, don't interrupt!</v>

1368
00:43:06.688 --> 00:43:08.470
It's hard enough to translate without you-

1369
00:43:08.470 --> 00:43:09.610
<v Tucker>Well, if this little quest</v>

1370
00:43:09.610 --> 00:43:10.617
depends on me killing stuff,

1371
00:43:10.617 --> 00:43:11.986
we might as well just stop here.

1372
00:43:11.986 --> 00:43:13.766
<v Andy>Eh, don't be a chicken.</v>

1373
00:43:13.766 --> 00:43:16.126
<v Tucker>I'm not chicken! I'm just,</v>

1374
00:43:16.126 --> 00:43:17.249
okay, I'm chicken.

1375
00:43:17.249 --> 00:43:18.173
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg?</v>

1376
00:43:18.173 --> 00:43:19.006
Blarg blarg.

1377
00:43:19.006 --> 00:43:20.667
<v Andy>Blarg, blarg blarg, blarg honk.</v>

1378
00:43:20.667 --> 00:43:21.518
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg honk!</v>

1379
00:43:21.518 --> 00:43:22.429
<v Tucker>What's he saying?</v>

1380
00:43:22.429 --> 00:43:24.144
<v Andy>He wanted to know what a chicken is.</v>

1381
00:43:24.144 --> 00:43:27.577
I told him it's this nasty little bird that humans eat.

1382
00:43:27.577 --> 00:43:29.066
And you also eat the white things

1383
00:43:29.066 --> 00:43:30.144
that shoot out of its butt.

1384
00:43:30.144 --> 00:43:30.977
<v Tucker>You know, you could've cleaned</v>

1385
00:43:30.977 --> 00:43:31.810
that up a little bit.

1386
00:43:31.810 --> 00:43:32.768
<v Andy>I did!</v>

1387
00:43:32.768 --> 00:43:34.368
They don't come out of its butt, you know.

1388
00:43:34.368 --> 00:43:35.243
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg!</v>

1389
00:43:35.243 --> 00:43:37.175
<v Andy>Yeah, they're pretty disgusting.</v>

1390
00:43:37.175 --> 00:43:38.391
<v Tucker>Chickens aren't that bad!</v>

1391
00:43:38.391 --> 00:43:40.552
<v Andy>He was talking about you guys!</v>

1392
00:43:40.552 --> 00:43:42.222
He's not a big fan!

1393
00:43:42.222 --> 00:43:43.085
I'm not either!

1394
00:43:43.085 --> 00:43:43.918
<v Honk-Honk>Honk.</v>

1395
00:43:43.918 --> 00:43:45.582
<v Andy>Earth sucks!</v>

1396
00:43:45.582 --> 00:43:48.181
<v Tucker>Earth does not suck, Earth rules!</v>

1397
00:43:48.181 --> 00:43:49.334
We invented the telephone!

1398
00:43:49.334 --> 00:43:50.425
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg.</v>

1399
00:43:50.425 --> 00:43:52.960
<v Andy>He says they invented the telephone, too!</v>

1400
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:55.274
And they did it 1,000 years before you did!

1401
00:43:55.274 --> 00:43:57.043
<v Tucker>Oh, well, what'd they have to say on it?</v>

1402
00:43:57.043 --> 00:43:58.442
"Blarg blarg, honk honk?"

1403
00:43:58.442 --> 00:44:00.109
Who the fuck wants to hear that?

1404
00:44:00.109 --> 00:44:01.492
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg, honk.</v>

1405
00:44:01.492 --> 00:44:04.118
<v Andy>Okay, these are the great burning plains</v>

1406
00:44:04.118 --> 00:44:05.125
we talked about.

1407
00:44:05.125 --> 00:44:07.905
<v Caboose>They don't look burning, they look burnt.</v>

1408
00:44:07.905 --> 00:44:10.059
Hey, I recognize this place!

1409
00:44:10.059 --> 00:44:11.060
<v Andy>Get ready.</v>

1410
00:44:11.060 --> 00:44:12.963
He's gonna distract the monster,

1411
00:44:12.963 --> 00:44:14.857
and you use your heroic powers to swoop in and-

1412
00:44:14.857 --> 00:44:16.034
<v Tucker>Heroic powers?</v>

1413
00:44:16.034 --> 00:44:16.867
<v Andy>Yeah,</v>

1414
00:44:16.867 --> 00:44:19.793
you're the big hero from that prophecy, ain't you?

1415
00:44:19.793 --> 00:44:20.877
<v Tucker>Oh, right.</v>

1416
00:44:20.877 --> 00:44:22.413
Boy, are you guys going to be disappointed.

1417
00:44:22.413 --> 00:44:23.433
<v Andy>And don't forget,</v>

1418
00:44:23.433 --> 00:44:24.969
go for the weak spot in the armor.

1419
00:44:24.969 --> 00:44:26.647
<v Tucker>Yeah, and where was that again?</v>

1420
00:44:26.647 --> 00:44:27.818
<v Andy>We already went over this!</v>

1421
00:44:27.818 --> 00:44:28.922
<v Tucker>Apparently paying attention</v>

1422
00:44:28.922 --> 00:44:31.100
to lame biology lessons isn't one of my super powers.

1423
00:44:31.100 --> 00:44:31.940
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg!</v>

1424
00:44:31.940 --> 00:44:32.898
<v ->Be quiet!</v>
<v ->Blarg!</v>

1425
00:44:32.898 --> 00:44:34.981
<v ->Get down.</v>
<v ->Blarg blarg.</v>

1426
00:44:35.870 --> 00:44:38.028
<v Andy>He just wants a moments peace before the plan fails</v>

1427
00:44:38.028 --> 00:44:39.216
and we all get killed.

1428
00:44:39.216 --> 00:44:40.452
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg!</v>

1429
00:44:40.452 --> 00:44:42.599
<v Andy>Oh, sorry.</v>

1430
00:44:42.599 --> 00:44:44.787
I wasn't supposed to translate that last part.

1431
00:44:44.787 --> 00:44:49.120
He says, uh, "don't worry, everything will be fine!"

1432
00:44:50.268 --> 00:44:51.424
"Stick to the plan!"

1433
00:44:51.424 --> 00:44:54.178
<v Caboose>Okay, are we adding get killed</v>

1434
00:44:54.178 --> 00:44:55.942
to the end of the plan?

1435
00:44:55.942 --> 00:44:57.025
<v ->Blarg!</v>
<v ->Go!</v>

1436
00:45:00.153 --> 00:45:01.167
What happened?

1437
00:45:01.167 --> 00:45:02.000
<v Tucker>To what?</v>

1438
00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:03.438
<v Andy>The big monster!</v>

1439
00:45:03.438 --> 00:45:05.082
It's dead, look!

1440
00:45:05.082 --> 00:45:06.082
<v Tucker>That thing?</v>

1441
00:45:06.082 --> 00:45:07.111
You gotta be kidding me!

1442
00:45:07.111 --> 00:45:08.452
<v Andy>You guys were here already?</v>

1443
00:45:08.452 --> 00:45:10.626
<v Caboose>Yes, uh, before now.</v>

1444
00:45:10.626 --> 00:45:12.776
<v Tucker>That's what already means, Caboose.</v>

1445
00:45:12.776 --> 00:45:15.276
<v Caboose>Oh, then just yes.</v>

1446
00:45:16.310 --> 00:45:17.192
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg, blarg.</v>

1447
00:45:17.192 --> 00:45:18.643
<v Andy>Then you already killed the monster?</v>

1448
00:45:18.643 --> 00:45:19.915
<v Tucker>Dude, that's a cow skull.</v>

1449
00:45:19.915 --> 00:45:22.847
I kill about ten of those things every time I eat lunch.

1450
00:45:22.847 --> 00:45:23.994
<v Donut>How's it going, Sarge?</v>

1451
00:45:23.994 --> 00:45:26.320
<v Sarge>Well, Simmons has had Grif prisoner in there</v>

1452
00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.103
for far too long.

1453
00:45:28.103 --> 00:45:29.503
He's probably subjecting him

1454
00:45:29.503 --> 00:45:32.157
to all manner of unbearable torture!

1455
00:45:32.157 --> 00:45:34.580
I figure in just a manner of hours,

1456
00:45:34.580 --> 00:45:37.336
Grif's spirit will be as broken as his body.

1457
00:45:37.336 --> 00:45:40.125
Unable to cope with the never-ending stimulation

1458
00:45:40.125 --> 00:45:41.708
of pain and horror!

1459
00:45:42.995 --> 00:45:45.162
But in answer to your question, things are fine!

1460
00:45:45.162 --> 00:45:47.406
Could be a little warmer, but I can't complain.

1461
00:45:47.406 --> 00:45:48.247
<v Donut>But, Sarge!</v>

1462
00:45:48.247 --> 00:45:50.394
Aren't you afraid he'll give away valuable information?

1463
00:45:50.394 --> 00:45:52.384
<v Sarge>Why would Simmons give Grif information?</v>

1464
00:45:52.384 --> 00:45:54.402
<v Donut>No, I mean what if Grif tells Simmons</v>

1465
00:45:54.402 --> 00:45:57.702
valuable information about our operations?

1466
00:45:57.702 --> 00:46:00.060
Yeah, that sounded smarter before I said it.

1467
00:46:00.060 --> 00:46:01.086
<v Sarge>I bet.</v>

1468
00:46:01.086 --> 00:46:02.503
<v Donut>Speaking of operations though,</v>

1469
00:46:02.503 --> 00:46:04.650
remember how I told you I wanted to incorporate

1470
00:46:04.650 --> 00:46:07.582
more positive reinforcement techniques in review sessions?

1471
00:46:07.582 --> 00:46:09.534
<v Sarge>Donut, for the last time!</v>

1472
00:46:09.534 --> 00:46:12.567
Me calling you a worthless turd is not a review session.

1473
00:46:12.567 --> 00:46:13.929
<v Donut>And remember how you said,</v>

1474
00:46:13.929 --> 00:46:16.617
any proposals had to be submitted in handwritten triplicate

1475
00:46:16.617 --> 00:46:18.780
with no less than 100 pages?

1476
00:46:18.780 --> 00:46:21.605
<v Sarge>Yes, which would take weeks!</v>

1477
00:46:21.605 --> 00:46:22.696
You're finished, aren't you?

1478
00:46:22.696 --> 00:46:24.336
<v Donut>Only if calligraphy's okay!</v>

1479
00:46:24.336 --> 00:46:26.782
And I dotted all the Is with hearts!

1480
00:46:26.782 --> 00:46:27.810
Hee hee hee!

1481
00:46:27.810 --> 00:46:28.643
Hee hee!

1482
00:46:29.518 --> 00:46:32.623
Let me just give you a little teaser on some of the changes.

1483
00:46:32.623 --> 00:46:33.978
Think mauve!

1484
00:46:33.978 --> 00:46:35.200
<v Sarge>Aw, Donut!</v>

1485
00:46:35.200 --> 00:46:36.570
<v Donut>What? You don't like it?</v>

1486
00:46:36.570 --> 00:46:37.806
Mauve is a form of red!

1487
00:46:37.806 --> 00:46:39.624
<v Sarge>Oh, it's not that.</v>

1488
00:46:39.624 --> 00:46:42.906
I just realized that my only way out of this situation

1489
00:46:42.906 --> 00:46:46.470
is to launch a rescue mission to save Grif.

1490
00:46:46.470 --> 00:46:49.554
I've got me one of them, uh, Donut,

1491
00:46:49.554 --> 00:46:52.194
what's a fancy word for choosing between two things

1492
00:46:52.194 --> 00:46:53.070
you don't wanna do?

1493
00:46:53.070 --> 00:46:55.098
<v Donut>Uh, conundrum?</v>

1494
00:46:55.098 --> 00:46:56.256
Dilemma?

1495
00:46:56.256 --> 00:46:57.738
A threesome with cheerleaders?

1496
00:46:57.738 --> 00:46:59.426
<v Sarge>I'm gonna go with conundrum.</v>

1497
00:46:59.426 --> 00:47:01.688
<v Donut>If you don't like the plants idea,</v>

1498
00:47:01.688 --> 00:47:04.061
how do you feel about a fountain in the armory?

1499
00:47:04.061 --> 00:47:05.549
That place is so gloomy!

1500
00:47:05.549 --> 00:47:07.945
<v Sarge>Come on, Donut, give it a rest already!</v>

1501
00:47:07.945 --> 00:47:09.762
I agreed to let you use Grif's helmet

1502
00:47:09.762 --> 00:47:11.905
as a decorative birdbath, didn't I?

1503
00:47:11.905 --> 00:47:12.877
Don't oversell.

1504
00:47:12.877 --> 00:47:13.753
<v Donut>Okay.</v>

1505
00:47:13.753 --> 00:47:16.230
But I have just one more idea!

1506
00:47:16.230 --> 00:47:20.568
I'm gonna say two words, and then walk away.

1507
00:47:20.568 --> 00:47:21.985
Chantilly lace...

1508
00:47:23.056 --> 00:47:24.671
<v Sarge>Unless You're gonna start singing</v>

1509
00:47:24.671 --> 00:47:26.039
a big bopper song,

1510
00:47:26.039 --> 00:47:28.666
I think the best part of that idea is the walking away.

1511
00:47:28.666 --> 00:47:29.903
<v Donut>Let it simmer.</v>

1512
00:47:29.903 --> 00:47:31.911
<v Sarge>Hmm, no sign of any defenses.</v>

1513
00:47:31.911 --> 00:47:34.481
I think we might be catching Simmons at a weak moment!

1514
00:47:34.481 --> 00:47:36.287
<v Donut>Hm, no sign of the tank either.</v>

1515
00:47:36.287 --> 00:47:38.479
<v Sarge>Dear God, the madness is spreading!</v>

1516
00:47:38.479 --> 00:47:40.859
It's only a matter of time before it takes me!

1517
00:47:40.859 --> 00:47:42.735
<v Grif>Wee!</v>

1518
00:47:42.735 --> 00:47:44.207
<v Donut>Did you hear that?</v>

1519
00:47:44.207 --> 00:47:45.902
It sounds like they're having fun in there!

1520
00:47:45.902 --> 00:47:48.597
<v Sarge>Clearly Grif has become so stupid</v>

1521
00:47:48.597 --> 00:47:51.779
he's mixed up the yells for pain and happiness!

1522
00:47:51.779 --> 00:47:56.717
Simmons must be doing absolutely diabolical things to him!

1523
00:47:56.717 --> 00:47:58.365
Let's give him a few more hours,

1524
00:47:58.365 --> 00:47:59.728
see if he escapes on his own.

1525
00:47:59.728 --> 00:48:01.378
<v Grif>Simmons, I'm having a blast</v>

1526
00:48:01.378 --> 00:48:02.862
going in and out of your hole!

1527
00:48:02.862 --> 00:48:04.858
<v Simmons>Grif, just stay down there like you're told.</v>

1528
00:48:04.858 --> 00:48:06.858
<v Donut>Well, that's my cue; lets go!</v>

1529
00:48:06.858 --> 00:48:08.569
<v Simmons>Grif, stop it, I need your help.</v>

1530
00:48:08.569 --> 00:48:09.728
<v Grif>Go ahead, I'm listening.</v>

1531
00:48:09.728 --> 00:48:11.379
<v Simmons>Well, just stop riding that stupid grav lift.</v>

1532
00:48:11.379 --> 00:48:12.910
<v Grif>I can do both at once.</v>

1533
00:48:12.910 --> 00:48:14.612
Why don't we have one of these things?

1534
00:48:14.612 --> 00:48:16.377
<v Simmons>The tank's been making upgrades to the base</v>

1535
00:48:16.377 --> 00:48:17.517
over the last few hundred years.

1536
00:48:17.517 --> 00:48:19.959
<v Grif>How did it do that without any tools?</v>

1537
00:48:19.959 --> 00:48:21.004
Or arms?

1538
00:48:21.004 --> 00:48:22.137
<v Simmons>I don't know,</v>

1539
00:48:22.137 --> 00:48:23.818
A lot of what she says doesn't match up.

1540
00:48:23.818 --> 00:48:25.485
I think she might be lying to me.

1541
00:48:25.485 --> 00:48:27.694
<v Grif>You think the enemy's weapons are lying to us?</v>

1542
00:48:27.694 --> 00:48:29.410
What a surprise!

1543
00:48:29.410 --> 00:48:30.482
<v Simmons>It seems like a setup,</v>

1544
00:48:30.482 --> 00:48:31.648
I just can't figure out how.

1545
00:48:31.648 --> 00:48:32.481
(blow thuds)
<v ->Ow!</v>

1546
00:48:32.481 --> 00:48:33.828
<v Simmons>I dunno, if I can piece it together</v>

1547
00:48:33.828 --> 00:48:35.836
maybe that'll fix things with, Sarge!

1548
00:48:35.836 --> 00:48:37.326
<v Sarge>Hello, Simmons.</v>

1549
00:48:37.326 --> 00:48:38.307
<v Simmons>Where's Grif?</v>

1550
00:48:38.307 --> 00:48:39.948
<v Sarge>This here's a rescue operation.</v>

1551
00:48:39.948 --> 00:48:42.588
He's unconscious down below being prepped for evac.

1552
00:48:42.588 --> 00:48:43.726
<v Simmons>If it's a rescue operation,</v>

1553
00:48:43.726 --> 00:48:44.749
why did you knock him out?

1554
00:48:44.749 --> 00:48:47.819
<v Sarge>Well, all work and no play, you know. (laughs)</v>

1555
00:48:47.819 --> 00:48:48.792
<v Simmons>That's dumb.</v>

1556
00:48:48.792 --> 00:48:50.821
<v Sarge>I think you know the proper procedure</v>

1557
00:48:50.821 --> 00:48:52.981
for submitting complaints, Simmons.

1558
00:48:52.981 --> 00:48:54.614
<v Simmons>I'll get my calligraphy pens.</v>

1559
00:48:54.614 --> 00:48:55.819
<v Sarge>Don't bother.</v>

1560
00:48:55.819 --> 00:48:58.643
I think you also know how we treat traitors on red team!

1561
00:48:58.643 --> 00:49:00.457
<v Simmons>I'm guessing you're not cocking that gun</v>

1562
00:49:00.457 --> 00:49:02.576
to give me a one gun salute in honor of my new promotion.

1563
00:49:02.576 --> 00:49:03.701
<v Sarge>I don't think so.</v>

1564
00:49:03.701 --> 00:49:05.785
Simmons, just remember,

1565
00:49:05.785 --> 00:49:08.023
this hurts me more than it hurts you!

1566
00:49:08.023 --> 00:49:09.327
<v Simmons>I seriously doubt that, sir.</v>

1567
00:49:09.327 --> 00:49:11.771
<v Sarge>Well, it hurts me almost as much as it hurts you.</v>

1568
00:49:11.771 --> 00:49:13.036
<v Simmons>I don't buy that either.</v>

1569
00:49:13.036 --> 00:49:14.022
<v Sarge>Well, I am the one</v>

1570
00:49:14.022 --> 00:49:16.079
who has to clean the shotgun later,

1571
00:49:16.079 --> 00:49:17.482
and those solvents smells so-

1572
00:49:17.482 --> 00:49:18.992
<v ->Booyah!</v>
<v ->Jesus Bobo!</v>

1573
00:49:18.992 --> 00:49:20.354
<v Simmons>Oh, the back of your head!</v>

1574
00:49:20.354 --> 00:49:21.202
<v Church>Well that was close.</v>

1575
00:49:21.202 --> 00:49:24.537
And I always wanted to say "booyah" too, that was awesome.

1576
00:49:24.537 --> 00:49:25.370
Booyah!

1577
00:49:25.370 --> 00:49:26.614
<v Simmons>Where the hell'd you come from?</v>

1578
00:49:26.614 --> 00:49:28.810
<v Church>Huh, oh, you must be one of the new blues</v>

1579
00:49:28.810 --> 00:49:30.787
that took over our base after we left.

1580
00:49:30.787 --> 00:49:34.246
Listen, don't be afraid, but I'm from the past.

1581
00:49:34.246 --> 00:49:36.248
<v Simmons>Why would I be afraid of someone from the past?</v>

1582
00:49:36.248 --> 00:49:37.998
People from the future are scary,

1583
00:49:37.998 --> 00:49:40.423
people from the past are savages and idiots.

1584
00:49:40.423 --> 00:49:43.292
<v Sarge>(groans) What the?</v>

1585
00:49:43.292 --> 00:49:44.126
Who hit me?

1586
00:49:44.126 --> 00:49:45.668
<v Simmons>Hurry, quick, before he wakes up!</v>

1587
00:49:45.668 --> 00:49:46.710
Help me get this guy in the hole!

1588
00:49:46.710 --> 00:49:47.766
<v Church>We have a hole?</v>

1589
00:49:47.766 --> 00:49:49.474
That's kick ass!

1590
00:49:49.474 --> 00:49:52.995
<v Andy>All right, this is the Great Swamp.</v>

1591
00:49:52.995 --> 00:49:55.296
We can rest here a while before we move on.

1592
00:49:55.296 --> 00:49:58.067
<v Tucker>Yeah, lets rest in a swamp, that makes sense.</v>

1593
00:49:58.067 --> 00:50:00.013
<v Andy>Save your energy Tucker, you're gonna need it.</v>

1594
00:50:00.013 --> 00:50:01.000
<v Tucker>Aw, screw that!</v>

1595
00:50:01.000 --> 00:50:02.785
So far the quest is a fucking breeze!

1596
00:50:02.785 --> 00:50:05.237
I've already killed a dead monster, what's next?

1597
00:50:05.237 --> 00:50:06.763
We're gonna open an unlocked door?

1598
00:50:06.763 --> 00:50:08.253
Rescue a princess from herself?

1599
00:50:08.253 --> 00:50:10.247
<v Andy>Hey, Caboose, what's wrong?</v>

1600
00:50:10.247 --> 00:50:11.574
(mysterious music)

1601
00:50:11.574 --> 00:50:15.252
<v Caboose>I think some thing is following us.</v>

1602
00:50:15.252 --> 00:50:17.740
<v Andy>Yeah, it's been on us since we left.</v>

1603
00:50:17.740 --> 00:50:20.156
Part of the prophecy talks about something evil

1604
00:50:20.156 --> 00:50:21.802
that tries to take the Great Weapon.

1605
00:50:21.802 --> 00:50:23.698
<v Tucker>You mean my awesome dead monster killing weapon?</v>

1606
00:50:23.698 --> 00:50:24.736
It can have it.

1607
00:50:24.736 --> 00:50:27.327
<v Andy>It's attracted to it, it can't live without it.</v>

1608
00:50:27.327 --> 00:50:28.318
<v Tucker>That doesn't sound good.</v>

1609
00:50:28.318 --> 00:50:29.834
Hey, Caboose, come here and hold my sword!

1610
00:50:29.834 --> 00:50:31.983
<v Andy>It's okay, we got a plan.</v>

1611
00:50:31.983 --> 00:50:34.126
We can make camp and then we'll tell you about it.

1612
00:50:34.126 --> 00:50:36.669
<v Caboose>I love camping!</v>

1613
00:50:36.669 --> 00:50:38.265
(guitar riff)

1614
00:50:38.265 --> 00:50:41.577
(Tucker snoring)

1615
00:50:41.577 --> 00:50:43.244
<v Tucker>Chicks...</v>

1616
00:50:46.030 --> 00:50:46.863
Twins...

1617
00:50:49.108 --> 00:50:49.941
Huh?

1618
00:50:50.814 --> 00:50:51.647
Hey, guys?

1619
00:50:53.468 --> 00:50:54.301
Andy?

1620
00:50:55.632 --> 00:50:56.465
Caboose?

1621
00:50:57.413 --> 00:50:58.413
Alien thing?

1622
00:51:01.471 --> 00:51:02.791
Guys?

1623
00:51:02.791 --> 00:51:03.624
Anybody?

1624
00:51:05.966 --> 00:51:07.142
<v Andy>Now, Caboose!</v>

1625
00:51:07.142 --> 00:51:09.312
<v ->Blarg!</v>
<v ->We got it!</v>

1626
00:51:09.312 --> 00:51:10.494
<v Caboose>Is it safe to come out yet?</v>

1627
00:51:10.494 --> 00:51:12.870
<v Andy>Caboose, you were supposed to help!</v>

1628
00:51:12.870 --> 00:51:14.058
<v Caboose>I was helping watch.</v>

1629
00:51:14.058 --> 00:51:15.510
<v Andy>What if something had happened?</v>

1630
00:51:15.510 --> 00:51:17.066
<v Caboose>I'm sure I would've seen it.</v>

1631
00:51:17.066 --> 00:51:18.907
<v Tucker>Hey, what the hell, where did you guys go?</v>

1632
00:51:18.907 --> 00:51:19.915
<v Andy>We laid a trap!</v>

1633
00:51:19.915 --> 00:51:20.808
<v Tucker>A trap?</v>

1634
00:51:20.808 --> 00:51:21.895
You left me all alone!

1635
00:51:21.895 --> 00:51:24.598
<v Andy>Heh heh heh, you can't have a trap without bait!</v>

1636
00:51:24.598 --> 00:51:25.692
<v Tucker>I was the bait?</v>

1637
00:51:25.692 --> 00:51:29.238
<v Caboose>I thought you did a very good job.</v>

1638
00:51:29.238 --> 00:51:31.500
<v Tex>Get off of me, you stinky idiot!</v>

1639
00:51:31.500 --> 00:51:32.358
<v Tucker>Tex?</v>

1640
00:51:32.358 --> 00:51:33.914
<v Tex>This is some greeting!</v>

1641
00:51:33.914 --> 00:51:36.442
I come to help you guys and you ambush me!

1642
00:51:36.442 --> 00:51:37.776
<v Andy>You weren't coming to help!</v>

1643
00:51:37.776 --> 00:51:39.367
You were coming to steal the sword!

1644
00:51:39.367 --> 00:51:40.819
<v Tex>No, I wasn't.</v>

1645
00:51:40.819 --> 00:51:42.522
I was coming to steal your reward.

1646
00:51:42.522 --> 00:51:44.154
<v Andy>There is no reward!</v>

1647
00:51:44.154 --> 00:51:45.765
The reward is the sword.

1648
00:51:45.765 --> 00:51:49.177
<v Tex>Oh, then yeah, I guess I'm here to steal the sword.</v>

1649
00:51:49.177 --> 00:51:50.282
<v Honk-Honk>Honk blarg.</v>

1650
00:51:50.282 --> 00:51:52.022
<v Andy>Oh yeah yeah, and also the salvation</v>

1651
00:51:52.022 --> 00:51:54.696
and emancipation for his species for all eternity.

1652
00:51:54.696 --> 00:51:56.850
<v Tex>Tell you what, I'll go 50/50</v>

1653
00:51:56.850 --> 00:51:59.928
You keep the emancipation and I'll keep the sword.

1654
00:51:59.928 --> 00:52:00.894
<v Andy>Deal.</v>

1655
00:52:00.894 --> 00:52:01.908
<v Tucker>What do I get?</v>

1656
00:52:01.908 --> 00:52:03.598
<v Tex>You get to live, but no guarantees.</v>

1657
00:52:03.598 --> 00:52:05.398
<v Tucker>That's not a reward for me.</v>

1658
00:52:05.398 --> 00:52:08.913
That's a reward for all the fine ladies in the universe!

1659
00:52:08.913 --> 00:52:12.838
<v Tex>I'm a woman and somehow I don't feel any luckier.</v>

1660
00:52:12.838 --> 00:52:13.985
<v Tucker>I said fine ladies.</v>

1661
00:52:13.985 --> 00:52:15.076
<v Andy>What do you want, Caboose?</v>

1662
00:52:15.076 --> 00:52:16.812
<v Caboose>I want a pony.</v>

1663
00:52:16.812 --> 00:52:18.514
<v Church>Damn, Sarge is frickin' heavy.</v>

1664
00:52:18.514 --> 00:52:20.446
Hey, blue guy, where'd you go, I need some help!

1665
00:52:20.446 --> 00:52:22.738
<v Simmons>Listen Donut, Church thinks I'm a blue guy.</v>

1666
00:52:22.738 --> 00:52:24.752
So whatever you do, just pretend like you don't know me.

1667
00:52:24.752 --> 00:52:25.947
<v Donut>I don't know you.</v>

1668
00:52:25.947 --> 00:52:27.392
<v Simmons>Yeah, just like that, good job.</v>

1669
00:52:27.392 --> 00:52:28.317
<v Donut>No, I'm serious.</v>

1670
00:52:28.317 --> 00:52:30.790
I have no idea who you are.

1671
00:52:30.790 --> 00:52:32.444
<v Simmons>Okay, stop practicing, here he comes.</v>

1672
00:52:32.444 --> 00:52:33.317
<v Donut>So does that mean</v>

1673
00:52:33.317 --> 00:52:34.936
you're not gonna tell me who you are?

1674
00:52:34.936 --> 00:52:36.124
<v Simmons>Okay, that's a little too far.</v>

1675
00:52:36.124 --> 00:52:37.340
No one's gonna buy that.

1676
00:52:37.340 --> 00:52:39.403
<v Church>You know, I could've used some help, new guy.</v>

1677
00:52:39.403 --> 00:52:40.236
Thanks.

1678
00:52:40.236 --> 00:52:41.935
<v Simmons>I was just securing this prisoner.</v>

1679
00:52:41.935 --> 00:52:42.964
Which is interesting,

1680
00:52:42.964 --> 00:52:45.106
considering that I've never met him before.

1681
00:52:45.106 --> 00:52:46.421
<v Church>Why is that interesting?</v>

1682
00:52:46.421 --> 00:52:48.526
<v Simmons>I don't know.</v>

1683
00:52:48.526 --> 00:52:50.027
<v Church>Is something wrong with your voice?</v>

1684
00:52:50.027 --> 00:52:51.312
<v Simmons>Well, I was just disguising it</v>

1685
00:52:51.312 --> 00:52:52.320
so the prisoner wouldn't think he knew me.

1686
00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:53.153
<v Donut>What?</v>

1687
00:52:53.153 --> 00:52:55.110
<v Simmons>But he doesn't, do you prisoner?</v>

1688
00:52:55.110 --> 00:52:57.198
<v Donut>Um, no?</v>

1689
00:52:57.198 --> 00:52:58.205
<v Simmons>Right.</v>

1690
00:52:58.205 --> 00:52:59.260
Good job Donut.

1691
00:52:59.260 --> 00:53:02.790
<v Donut>Wait, is this some really weird form of torture?</v>

1692
00:53:02.790 --> 00:53:04.372
<v Church>Okay, well, help me load these guys in the Jeep</v>

1693
00:53:04.372 --> 00:53:05.212
before they wake up.

1694
00:53:05.212 --> 00:53:06.317
<v Simmons>Okay.</v>

1695
00:53:06.317 --> 00:53:08.297
Donut, grab the ankles.

1696
00:53:08.297 --> 00:53:10.444
<v Donut>Okie dokie, how's this?</v>

1697
00:53:10.444 --> 00:53:12.264
<v Simmons>Sarge's ankles, Donut!</v>

1698
00:53:12.264 --> 00:53:14.441
<v Andy>Step it up guys, we're almost there.</v>

1699
00:53:14.441 --> 00:53:15.499
<v Tucker>I'm telling you,</v>

1700
00:53:15.499 --> 00:53:17.432
the alien has been really creeping me out lately.

1701
00:53:17.432 --> 00:53:19.579
Every time I wake up, he's hovering over me.

1702
00:53:19.579 --> 00:53:20.515
It's really weird.

1703
00:53:20.515 --> 00:53:23.157
<v Tex>I'm sure he's just safeguarding his sword.</v>

1704
00:53:23.157 --> 00:53:24.607
I mean, my sword.

1705
00:53:24.607 --> 00:53:27.295
<v Caboose>Maybe he just wants to steal your breath.</v>

1706
00:53:27.295 --> 00:53:28.783
<v Tucker>Maybe he's trying to figure out</v>

1707
00:53:28.783 --> 00:53:29.887
what I taste like.

1708
00:53:29.887 --> 00:53:31.436
<v Andy>Hurry up, you idiots!</v>

1709
00:53:31.436 --> 00:53:33.077
<v Tucker>Man, did it get a lot colder all of the sudden?</v>

1710
00:53:33.077 --> 00:53:34.423
<v Andy>Of course it did!</v>

1711
00:53:34.423 --> 00:53:38.021
They don't call it the great freezing plains for nothing!

1712
00:53:38.021 --> 00:53:39.043
<v Tucker>Whoa.</v>

1713
00:53:39.043 --> 00:53:41.795
<v Caboose>I'm just glad I brought my mittens.</v>

1714
00:53:41.795 --> 00:53:44.029
<v Tex>The snow's the least of our problems.</v>

1715
00:53:44.029 --> 00:53:44.887
<v Andy>Why?</v>

1716
00:53:44.887 --> 00:53:46.567
<v Tex>I assume we have to get into</v>

1717
00:53:46.567 --> 00:53:47.915
that big temple, base thing?

1718
00:53:47.915 --> 00:53:48.795
<v Andy>Yeah?</v>

1719
00:53:48.795 --> 00:53:52.553
<v Tex>Well, it's got about two dozen guards on it's walls.</v>

1720
00:53:52.553 --> 00:53:54.380
<v ->Oh no!</v>
<v ->Yep.</v>

1721
00:53:54.380 --> 00:53:55.638
Doesn't look good.

1722
00:53:55.638 --> 00:53:58.049
<v Caboose>No, no, no, I mean, I lost some of my mittens.</v>

1723
00:53:58.049 --> 00:53:59.966
Um, we have to go back.

1724
00:54:01.067 --> 00:54:02.717
<v Tucker>Caboose, we've been walking for days!</v>

1725
00:54:02.717 --> 00:54:04.035
We're not going back for anything.

1726
00:54:04.035 --> 00:54:05.259
<v Tex>Suggestions, Andy?</v>

1727
00:54:05.259 --> 00:54:06.858
<v Andy>I say we let Tucker storm in</v>

1728
00:54:06.858 --> 00:54:08.442
and take 'em out in a mad rush!

1729
00:54:08.442 --> 00:54:11.700
And while he's got them distracted, we finish the quest!

1730
00:54:11.700 --> 00:54:12.666
<v Tucker>On second thought,</v>

1731
00:54:12.666 --> 00:54:14.285
personal warmth is very important.

1732
00:54:14.285 --> 00:54:15.557
Let's go get that mitten!

1733
00:54:15.557 --> 00:54:16.925
It'll be like a mini quest

1734
00:54:16.925 --> 00:54:19.187
<v Tex>I think surprise is the key.</v>

1735
00:54:19.187 --> 00:54:20.177
<v Andy>What you thinking?</v>

1736
00:54:20.177 --> 00:54:22.865
<v Tex>Let me take them out, one by one.</v>

1737
00:54:22.865 --> 00:54:25.123
They will never know what hit them.

1738
00:54:25.123 --> 00:54:26.047
<v Andy>You think you can kill 'em all</v>

1739
00:54:26.047 --> 00:54:27.499
without alerting the rest?

1740
00:54:27.499 --> 00:54:29.646
<v Tex>Just watch me.</v>

1741
00:54:29.646 --> 00:54:31.625
<v Andy>How can I watch when you just turned invisible?</v>

1742
00:54:31.625 --> 00:54:33.655
<v Tucker>And yet, I was still able to check out her ass.</v>

1743
00:54:33.655 --> 00:54:35.843
That's why I'm a pro.

1744
00:54:35.843 --> 00:54:38.098
<v Church>Okay, Donut, wait til we're gone</v>

1745
00:54:38.098 --> 00:54:39.147
and then you can wake them up.

1746
00:54:39.147 --> 00:54:40.615
<v Donut>Well, what do I tell them?</v>

1747
00:54:40.615 --> 00:54:41.517
<v Church>I don't care.</v>

1748
00:54:41.517 --> 00:54:43.025
Tell 'em you busted in and rescued 'em,

1749
00:54:43.025 --> 00:54:44.527
get yourself a medal.

1750
00:54:44.527 --> 00:54:45.408
You deserve it

1751
00:54:45.408 --> 00:54:47.563
<v Donut>I always did want to be a hero.</v>

1752
00:54:47.563 --> 00:54:48.847
And a liar!

1753
00:54:48.847 --> 00:54:50.249
<v Church>Well, then it's your lucky day.</v>

1754
00:54:50.249 --> 00:54:51.569
<v Donut>Don't you want anything?</v>

1755
00:54:51.569 --> 00:54:52.402
<v Church>Like what?</v>

1756
00:54:52.402 --> 00:54:54.202
<v Donut>Well, every time someone surrenders</v>

1757
00:54:54.202 --> 00:54:55.055
they take something.

1758
00:54:55.055 --> 00:54:56.446
Like when we took the medic

1759
00:54:56.446 --> 00:54:58.215
and you guys took Grif's dignity.

1760
00:54:58.215 --> 00:54:59.937
<v Simmons>Yeah, like that ever existed.</v>

1761
00:54:59.937 --> 00:55:02.636
Um, I mean, which one is Grif?

1762
00:55:02.636 --> 00:55:03.657
Is he the yellow one?

1763
00:55:03.657 --> 00:55:05.673
<v Donut>And this time you guys don't want anything?</v>

1764
00:55:05.673 --> 00:55:07.534
<v Church>Well, technically you're not surrendering.</v>

1765
00:55:07.534 --> 00:55:10.598
This is what we call in the military, a total ass kicking.

1766
00:55:10.598 --> 00:55:12.380
Oh, and also, we're taking your car.

1767
00:55:12.380 --> 00:55:13.301
<v Donut>What?</v>

1768
00:55:13.301 --> 00:55:16.782
You're leaving us out here without any transportation?

1769
00:55:16.782 --> 00:55:17.636
We'll die!

1770
00:55:17.636 --> 00:55:18.880
<v Church>Die of what?</v>

1771
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:19.902
<v Donut>Exposure!</v>

1772
00:55:19.902 --> 00:55:21.437
We're stranded!

1773
00:55:21.437 --> 00:55:22.840
This is murder!

1774
00:55:22.840 --> 00:55:25.133
<v Church>Your base is right there, I can see it!</v>

1775
00:55:25.133 --> 00:55:26.224
<v Donut>You may as well</v>

1776
00:55:26.224 --> 00:55:28.086
just feed us to the buzzards right now!

1777
00:55:28.086 --> 00:55:29.586
<v Church>You could've walked back to the base</v>

1778
00:55:29.586 --> 00:55:30.858
in the time we've been discussing this!

1779
00:55:30.858 --> 00:55:33.150
<v Donut>Go, just sign our death warrants!</v>

1780
00:55:33.150 --> 00:55:36.470
(Sarge groaning)

1781
00:55:36.470 --> 00:55:37.646
<v Sarge>What's going on?</v>

1782
00:55:37.646 --> 00:55:40.883
<v Church>Hey, take care of that guy.</v>

1783
00:55:40.883 --> 00:55:43.589
<v Simmons>Sorry about this Sarge, but look at it this way.</v>

1784
00:55:43.589 --> 00:55:46.115
You were right, this does hurt you more than me.

1785
00:55:46.115 --> 00:55:47.292
<v Sarge>Is that you Simmons?</v>

1786
00:55:47.292 --> 00:55:49.080
(punch thuds)
Oh, knocked out again!

1787
00:55:49.080 --> 00:55:49.932
<v Blue>Hey Reds!</v>

1788
00:55:49.932 --> 00:55:51.595
We're guarding the shit out of this wall, you suck!

1789
00:55:51.595 --> 00:55:52.781
<v Red>Your wall's easy to guard, try ours!</v>

1790
00:55:52.781 --> 00:55:54.198
<v Blue>You don't even have a roof up there, you suck!</v>

1791
00:55:54.198 --> 00:55:55.503
What are you guarding it from, birds?

1792
00:55:55.503 --> 00:55:57.428
<v ->You suck!</v>
<v ->You suck!</v>

1793
00:55:57.428 --> 00:55:59.265
<v ->You suck!</v>
<v ->No, you do!</v>

1794
00:55:59.265 --> 00:56:00.098
<v ->We suck!</v>

1795
00:56:00.098 --> 00:56:01.959
No, you suck, okay, never mind, you suck!

1796
00:56:01.959 --> 00:56:03.196
<v Tucker>Aw, those guys?</v>

1797
00:56:03.196 --> 00:56:04.432
How did they get here?

1798
00:56:04.432 --> 00:56:05.950
<v Caboose>Shoosh.</v>

1799
00:56:05.950 --> 00:56:07.437
Tex told us to be quiet.

1800
00:56:07.437 --> 00:56:09.334
<v Tucker>Caboose, we're 300 yards away.</v>

1801
00:56:09.334 --> 00:56:10.554
I don't think they heard us.

1802
00:56:10.554 --> 00:56:11.874
<v Red>I think I heard something.</v>

1803
00:56:11.874 --> 00:56:14.677
<v Tucker>I'm sure that was just a coincidence.</v>

1804
00:56:14.677 --> 00:56:17.677
(calm guitar music)

1805
00:56:22.840 --> 00:56:26.404
<v Andy>All right, after she takes those out one by one,</v>

1806
00:56:26.404 --> 00:56:28.821
we'll probably stand a chance.

1807
00:56:31.968 --> 00:56:32.802
(punch thuds)

1808
00:56:32.802 --> 00:56:34.422
<v Blue>Ow, what the fuck, that hurt!</v>

1809
00:56:34.422 --> 00:56:35.255
Ow!

1810
00:56:35.255 --> 00:56:36.088
<v Andy>Or maybe not</v>

1811
00:56:36.088 --> 00:56:37.291
<v Blue>Ow, ow!</v>

1812
00:56:37.291 --> 00:56:38.576
Jesus, ow!

1813
00:56:38.576 --> 00:56:39.431
Stop it!

1814
00:56:39.431 --> 00:56:40.264
<v Tucker>Uh oh.</v>

1815
00:56:40.264 --> 00:56:41.570
<v Blue>What the fuck?</v>

1816
00:56:41.570 --> 00:56:43.060
<v Blue>So, did you watch the game last night?</v>

1817
00:56:43.060 --> 00:56:44.182
<v Red>Yeah, go Red!</v>

1818
00:56:44.182 --> 00:56:45.568
<v Blue>Fuck that, Red sucks.</v>

1819
00:56:45.568 --> 00:56:46.923
<v Blue>Now you're shooting me!</v>

1820
00:56:46.923 --> 00:56:48.868
Give me a break, this sucks!

1821
00:56:48.868 --> 00:56:50.769
What the fuck did I ever do to you?

1822
00:56:50.769 --> 00:56:52.089
Come on!

1823
00:56:52.089 --> 00:56:53.349
<v Tucker>What the fuck, are they deaf?</v>

1824
00:56:53.349 --> 00:56:54.182
(gun bangs)

1825
00:56:54.182 --> 00:56:56.237
Oh right, that you heard?

1826
00:56:56.237 --> 00:56:59.906
("Noobs Rush In")
(gun banging)

1827
00:56:59.906 --> 00:57:02.739
(explosion booms)

1828
00:57:04.277 --> 00:57:05.993
(explosion booms)

1829
00:57:05.993 --> 00:57:07.129
<v ->Huh?</v>
<v ->What?</v>

1830
00:57:07.129 --> 00:57:09.196
<v Tex>Hiya fellas.</v>

1831
00:57:09.196 --> 00:57:10.281
Who's next?

1832
00:57:10.281 --> 00:57:11.683
<v Everyone>Charge!</v>

1833
00:57:11.683 --> 00:57:14.266
(guns banging)

1834
00:57:21.901 --> 00:57:23.764
(explosion booms)
<v ->That went well.</v>

1835
00:57:23.764 --> 00:57:26.091
So much for a sneak attack

1836
00:57:26.091 --> 00:57:27.807
<v Donut>And that's how I rescued you both</v>

1837
00:57:27.807 --> 00:57:29.364
and saved the day.

1838
00:57:29.364 --> 00:57:30.197
The End.

1839
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:32.921
Any questions?

1840
00:57:32.921 --> 00:57:35.595
<v Grif>Donut, that was the longest story I've ever heard.</v>

1841
00:57:35.595 --> 00:57:37.075
And I don't think I believed a word of it.

1842
00:57:37.075 --> 00:57:38.181
<v Sarge>And quite frankly,</v>

1843
00:57:38.181 --> 00:57:39.897
I found the showtune in the middle

1844
00:57:39.897 --> 00:57:41.050
to be a little over the top.

1845
00:57:41.050 --> 00:57:43.279
<v Donut>Every word is absolutely true.</v>

1846
00:57:43.279 --> 00:57:44.913
It was the best military operation

1847
00:57:44.913 --> 00:57:46.504
that you two ever slept through.

1848
00:57:46.504 --> 00:57:48.477
<v Grif>If everything went so well, then where's our jeep?</v>

1849
00:57:48.477 --> 00:57:51.199
<v Donut>Well, I have a song I'd like to sing about that.</v>

1850
00:57:51.199 --> 00:57:53.229
<v Grif>Forget it.</v>

1851
00:57:53.229 --> 00:57:54.632
<v Church>Okay, that red one?</v>

1852
00:57:54.632 --> 00:57:56.612
That's Sarge, he's their leader.

1853
00:57:56.612 --> 00:57:59.085
Which is lucky for us because,

1854
00:57:59.085 --> 00:58:00.175
well, he's not that good of a leader.

1855
00:58:00.175 --> 00:58:01.008
<v Simmons>Okay.</v>

1856
00:58:01.008 --> 00:58:02.299
<v Church>And the one next to him is Donut.</v>

1857
00:58:02.299 --> 00:58:04.262
I like Donut, he's pretty harmless, man,

1858
00:58:04.262 --> 00:58:05.582
I don't think he'd hurt a fly.

1859
00:58:05.582 --> 00:58:07.537
<v Simmons>Yeah, plus he's a little...</v>

1860
00:58:07.537 --> 00:58:08.818
<v Church>A little what?</v>

1861
00:58:08.818 --> 00:58:09.759
<v Simmons>You know.</v>

1862
00:58:09.759 --> 00:58:11.062
<v Church>No, I, no, I don't know</v>

1863
00:58:11.062 --> 00:58:13.627
<v Simmons>You know, he's kind of into girly stuff,</v>

1864
00:58:13.627 --> 00:58:16.647
like feelings and, oh, you know.

1865
00:58:16.647 --> 00:58:18.905
<v Church>Uh, I think you might be projecting there.</v>

1866
00:58:18.905 --> 00:58:19.845
<v Simmons>I'm not projecting,</v>

1867
00:58:19.845 --> 00:58:20.871
I'm just stating an observation

1868
00:58:20.871 --> 00:58:22.191
<v Church>I don't know, man..</v>

1869
00:58:22.191 --> 00:58:24.617
You seem pretty defensive for somebody who's not projecting.

1870
00:58:24.617 --> 00:58:26.232
<v Simmons>His armor is pink!</v>

1871
00:58:26.232 --> 00:58:27.065
<v Church>Pink?</v>

1872
00:58:27.065 --> 00:58:28.603
I wouldn't say pink.

1873
00:58:28.603 --> 00:58:31.646
Maybe, you know, slightly less red, but-

1874
00:58:31.646 --> 00:58:32.923
<v Simmons>It's pink, trust me.</v>

1875
00:58:32.923 --> 00:58:34.195
I know pink when I see it

1876
00:58:34.195 --> 00:58:35.827
<v Church>Uh, yeah, I bet.</v>

1877
00:58:35.827 --> 00:58:36.660
You want to talk about it?

1878
00:58:36.660 --> 00:58:37.493
<v Simmons>No!</v>

1879
00:58:37.493 --> 00:58:39.904
<v Church>And last is the orange one, that's Grif.</v>

1880
00:58:39.904 --> 00:58:41.901
He's really lazy and really annoying.

1881
00:58:41.901 --> 00:58:42.734
<v Simmons>Yeah.</v>

1882
00:58:42.734 --> 00:58:43.996
<v Church>But, at least he's smart.</v>

1883
00:58:43.996 --> 00:58:46.322
In fact, I think he might be the smartest one of the bunch.

1884
00:58:46.322 --> 00:58:48.170
<v Simmons>You mean smarter than all of the ones there now.</v>

1885
00:58:48.170 --> 00:58:49.408
<v Church>No, I mean all of them put together, man,</v>

1886
00:58:49.408 --> 00:58:51.964
There's this other guy who hangs around in maroon armor?

1887
00:58:51.964 --> 00:58:53.055
I haven't seen him in a while,

1888
00:58:53.055 --> 00:58:54.868
but he's a freaking know-it-all, man!

1889
00:58:54.868 --> 00:58:57.064
He acts like he's smart but he's really not.

1890
00:58:57.064 --> 00:58:57.897
<v Simmons>What?</v>

1891
00:58:57.897 --> 00:58:59.470
<v Church>Yeah, he walks around like he owns the place.</v>

1892
00:58:59.470 --> 00:59:01.156
You know, but nobody listens to him

1893
00:59:01.156 --> 00:59:02.771
and they always make fun of him behind his back.

1894
00:59:02.771 --> 00:59:03.879
<v Simmons>What do they say?</v>

1895
00:59:03.879 --> 00:59:05.456
<v Church>Oh, just how he's not good at stuff</v>

1896
00:59:05.456 --> 00:59:09.159
and how he's dumb and how the stuff he likes is dumb

1897
00:59:09.159 --> 00:59:10.941
and also that, you know,

1898
00:59:10.941 --> 00:59:13.564
he's not as attractive as other people are.

1899
00:59:13.564 --> 00:59:16.044
<v Simmons>Yeah, he sounds like a real jerk.</v>

1900
00:59:16.044 --> 00:59:17.357
<v Church>Hey, where are you going?</v>

1901
00:59:17.357 --> 00:59:18.927
<v Simmons>I have to use the bathroom!</v>

1902
00:59:18.927 --> 00:59:19.910
<v Church>Well, hurry up, man!</v>

1903
00:59:19.910 --> 00:59:20.898
I wanna finish your orientation

1904
00:59:20.898 --> 00:59:24.216
before you have to make me dinner.

1905
00:59:24.216 --> 00:59:25.431
<v Sheila>You do know that's Simmons, right?</v>

1906
00:59:25.431 --> 00:59:26.519
<v Church>Oh, yeah.</v>

1907
00:59:26.519 --> 00:59:27.541
(guns banging)

1908
00:59:27.541 --> 00:59:29.752
<v Andy>Tucker, use the key and open the gate!</v>

1909
00:59:29.752 --> 00:59:30.905
<v Tucker>Key, what key?</v>

1910
00:59:30.905 --> 00:59:32.187
I don't have a key?

1911
00:59:32.187 --> 00:59:33.404
<v Andy>Your sword!</v>

1912
00:59:33.404 --> 00:59:34.813
Use the sword!

1913
00:59:34.813 --> 00:59:36.957
<v Tucker>Oh God, the sword is a key?</v>

1914
00:59:36.957 --> 00:59:40.957
Just when I thought this couldn't get any lamer!

1915
00:59:42.712 --> 00:59:43.871
<v Tucker>What is that thing?</v>

1916
00:59:43.871 --> 00:59:45.004
(Honk-Honk shouting)

1917
00:59:45.004 --> 00:59:45.994
<v Andy>The ship!</v>

1918
00:59:45.994 --> 00:59:46.886
What ship?

1919
00:59:46.886 --> 00:59:49.030
No one told me about a ship! Hey!

1920
00:59:49.030 --> 00:59:50.847
Come back here, you stink nugget!

1921
00:59:50.847 --> 00:59:53.014
<v Honk-Honk>Blarg blarg!</v>

1922
00:59:56.787 --> 00:59:58.649
<v Tex>Hey, what's that thing?</v>

1923
00:59:58.649 --> 00:59:59.872
Where's he going?

1924
00:59:59.872 --> 01:00:00.777
<v Andy>I don't know!</v>

1925
01:00:00.777 --> 01:00:03.568
He just kept saying, there it is, there it is!

1926
01:00:03.568 --> 01:00:05.596
<v Tex>I thought you said there was no reward</v>

1927
01:00:05.596 --> 01:00:06.798
at the end of the quest!

1928
01:00:06.798 --> 01:00:08.039
<v Andy>I didn't know!</v>

1929
01:00:08.039 --> 01:00:09.258
<v Tucker>If you're pissed about that,</v>

1930
01:00:09.258 --> 01:00:12.114
wait till you find out that this sword is really a key!

1931
01:00:12.114 --> 01:00:13.434
<v Tex>A what?</v>

1932
01:00:13.434 --> 01:00:14.365
Andy...

1933
01:00:14.365 --> 01:00:17.886
<v Andy>Hey, don't blame me, I'm just the translator!</v>

1934
01:00:17.886 --> 01:00:21.969
<v Caboose>Um, I think the alien is coming back.</v>

1935
01:00:23.027 --> 01:00:24.438
Bad alien!

1936
01:00:24.438 --> 01:00:25.396
Go away!

1937
01:00:25.396 --> 01:00:26.979
<v ->Uh Oh!</v>
<v ->Get down!</v>

1938
01:00:27.898 --> 01:00:29.489
<v Red Grunt>What?</v>

1939
01:00:29.489 --> 01:00:31.808
(lasers blasting)

1940
01:00:31.808 --> 01:00:35.836
<v Caboose>Oh, he wasn't coming to kill us,</v>

1941
01:00:35.836 --> 01:00:37.253
he was saving us.

1942
01:00:39.000 --> 01:00:40.181
That's a good alien.

1943
01:00:40.181 --> 01:00:41.758
<v Tex>Well, a deal's a deal.</v>

1944
01:00:41.758 --> 01:00:42.911
He owes me that ship.

1945
01:00:42.911 --> 01:00:45.025
Andy, tell him to bring that thing down here and-

1946
01:00:45.025 --> 01:00:47.894
(explosion booms)

1947
01:00:47.894 --> 01:00:50.055
<v Andy>You still want me to tell him?</v>

1948
01:00:50.055 --> 01:00:53.528
'Cause I think it's down already!

1949
01:00:53.528 --> 01:00:55.238
<v ->Tex!</v>
<v ->Wyoming!</v>

1950
01:00:55.238 --> 01:00:56.412
<v Caboose>Connecticut!</v>

1951
01:00:56.412 --> 01:00:58.709
<v Tucker>They're not playing a game, Caboose!</v>

1952
01:00:58.709 --> 01:01:01.625
<v Caboose>Well, if they were,</v>

1953
01:01:01.625 --> 01:01:02.815
I would have totally won!

1954
01:01:02.815 --> 01:01:05.239
<v Wyoming>Well, it appears I've spoiled your little game!</v>

1955
01:01:05.239 --> 01:01:06.360
So sorry, chums!

1956
01:01:06.360 --> 01:01:07.598
<v Tex>That was my ship!</v>

1957
01:01:07.598 --> 01:01:08.704
<v Wyoming>Oh dear!</v>

1958
01:01:08.704 --> 01:01:11.212
Then I stand corrected, I'm not sorry!

1959
01:01:11.212 --> 01:01:12.558
<v Tex>You're gonna pay for that!</v>

1960
01:01:12.558 --> 01:01:14.210
<v Wyoming>All out of change at the moment!</v>

1961
01:01:14.210 --> 01:01:15.416
Catch you next time!

1962
01:01:15.416 --> 01:01:17.079
Cheerio!

1963
01:01:17.079 --> 01:01:18.607
<v Tex>Get back here!</v>

1964
01:01:18.607 --> 01:01:21.554
<v Tucker>Huh, that didn't go quite the way I expected.</v>

1965
01:01:21.554 --> 01:01:23.102
You think we should wait for her to come back

1966
01:01:23.102 --> 01:01:24.535
or finish the quest on our own?

1967
01:01:24.535 --> 01:01:25.857
Or just go home?

1968
01:01:25.857 --> 01:01:28.457
(trumpet blaring)

1969
01:01:28.457 --> 01:01:29.648
<v Red and Blue>Charge!</v>

1970
01:01:29.648 --> 01:01:31.355
<v Tucker>Yeah, let's go home!</v>

1971
01:01:31.355 --> 01:01:32.800
<v Church>You okay there, Blue guy?</v>

1972
01:01:32.800 --> 01:01:33.806
<v Simmons>I'm fine (sniffs),</v>

1973
01:01:33.806 --> 01:01:35.532
I told you it's just allergies.

1974
01:01:35.532 --> 01:01:36.519
<v Church>Oh yeah?</v>

1975
01:01:36.519 --> 01:01:38.137
You know I never heard someone say boo hoo hoo

1976
01:01:38.137 --> 01:01:39.145
when they sneeze.

1977
01:01:39.145 --> 01:01:40.362
<v Simmons>(sniffs) I'm fine!</v>

1978
01:01:40.362 --> 01:01:41.882
<v Church>Good, well then now I can give you your orders.</v>

1979
01:01:41.882 --> 01:01:45.001
Um, first of all, that jeep out there is really dirty

1980
01:01:45.001 --> 01:01:45.834
and I think that-

1981
01:01:45.834 --> 01:01:46.898
<v Simmons>Why are you giving me orders?</v>

1982
01:01:46.898 --> 01:01:49.753
<v Church>Uh, because that's the way the blue team works.</v>

1983
01:01:49.753 --> 01:01:51.254
<v Simmons>Technically, you're the new guy.</v>

1984
01:01:51.254 --> 01:01:52.525
I should be telling you what to do.

1985
01:01:52.525 --> 01:01:53.713
<v Church>Uh, I don't think so man,</v>

1986
01:01:53.713 --> 01:01:55.346
see back in the day the way this worked

1987
01:01:55.346 --> 01:01:58.698
was Command would call me and give me the orders

1988
01:01:58.698 --> 01:02:01.453
and then I would pass them along to everybody else.

1989
01:02:01.453 --> 01:02:03.648
Okay, it works like this, I would get on my radio like this.

1990
01:02:03.648 --> 01:02:06.903
I'd say, uh, uh, come in, Blue Command, come in!

1991
01:02:06.903 --> 01:02:09.956
This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, do you read me?

1992
01:02:09.956 --> 01:02:12.368
And then, normally this really annoying guy

1993
01:02:12.368 --> 01:02:13.934
would come back and he would say,

1994
01:02:13.934 --> 01:02:15.535
<v Vic Jr>Hello, hello, come in, hello.</v>

1995
01:02:15.535 --> 01:02:16.970
<v Simmons>Wow, those are pretty good impressions,</v>

1996
01:02:16.970 --> 01:02:18.136
do you do Arnold Schwarzenegger?

1997
01:02:18.136 --> 01:02:18.969
I'll be back!

1998
01:02:18.969 --> 01:02:20.263
<v Church>That wasn't me.</v>

1999
01:02:20.263 --> 01:02:21.096
Uh, hello?

2000
01:02:22.354 --> 01:02:24.647
<v ->Hello, come in Blood Gulch, can you hear me?</v>

2001
01:02:24.647 --> 01:02:25.499
Hello, try the veal, hello.

2002
01:02:25.499 --> 01:02:27.135
<v Church>What, Vic?</v>

2003
01:02:27.135 --> 01:02:28.306
Is that you?

2004
01:02:28.306 --> 01:02:30.973
It's been 800 years, how have you survived so long?

2005
01:02:30.973 --> 01:02:32.725
<v Vic Jr>Oh, no way dude, Vic's dead.</v>

2006
01:02:32.725 --> 01:02:34.666
This is Vic's great great great

2007
01:02:34.666 --> 01:02:36.448
great great great great great-

2008
01:02:36.448 --> 01:02:37.687
<v Simmons>Hasta la vista, baby!</v>

2009
01:02:37.687 --> 01:02:38.808
<v Church>Shut up dude, I'm on the phone!</v>

2010
01:02:38.808 --> 01:02:41.650
<v Vic Jr>Great great great great grand son!</v>

2011
01:02:41.650 --> 01:02:42.483
Vic Junior.

2012
01:02:42.483 --> 01:02:44.229
<v Church>And you work, and you work with Blue Command?</v>

2013
01:02:44.229 --> 01:02:48.268
<v Vic Jr>Oh right dude, good one dude, Blue Command, wink!</v>

2014
01:02:48.268 --> 01:02:50.419
<v Church>What do you mean, wait, what does that mean?</v>

2015
01:02:50.419 --> 01:02:51.252
What does that mean?

2016
01:02:51.252 --> 01:02:52.336
Does the, is the war over?

2017
01:02:52.336 --> 01:02:53.169
Did we win?

2018
01:02:53.169 --> 01:02:56.507
<v Vic Jr>Dude, I got a lot to catch you up on.</v>

2019
01:02:56.507 --> 01:02:58.612
<v Grif>You wanted to see me, Sarge?</v>

2020
01:02:58.612 --> 01:02:59.830
<v Sarge>Yes, Grif.</v>

2021
01:02:59.830 --> 01:03:02.176
I think it's time we buried the hatchet

2022
01:03:02.176 --> 01:03:03.887
and started working more closely together.

2023
01:03:03.887 --> 01:03:04.957
<v Grif>Say what?</v>

2024
01:03:04.957 --> 01:03:06.997
Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse or something?

2025
01:03:06.997 --> 01:03:09.630
<v Sarge>As you know, I've never liked you.</v>

2026
01:03:09.630 --> 01:03:10.856
Not even a little bit.

2027
01:03:10.856 --> 01:03:11.689
<v Grif>Really?</v>

2028
01:03:11.689 --> 01:03:14.226
<v Sarge>You've always been lazy, insubordinate,</v>

2029
01:03:14.226 --> 01:03:17.013
and I suspect that underneath that helmet,

2030
01:03:17.013 --> 01:03:18.846
you're probably extremely ugly to boot.

2031
01:03:18.846 --> 01:03:19.721
<v Grif>No argument here.</v>

2032
01:03:19.721 --> 01:03:20.679
<v Sarge>Over the years,</v>

2033
01:03:20.679 --> 01:03:22.822
I've been so disappointed in your work,

2034
01:03:22.822 --> 01:03:25.300
I've slowly stopped giving you things to do.

2035
01:03:25.300 --> 01:03:27.675
Most days, I forget you even exist.

2036
01:03:27.675 --> 01:03:29.890
<v Grif>Yeah, it's been a good run.</v>

2037
01:03:29.890 --> 01:03:32.956
<v Sarge>But I think we all need to realize that Simmons</v>

2038
01:03:32.956 --> 01:03:34.748
is not coming back

2039
01:03:34.748 --> 01:03:36.666
Red team is just going to have to make do

2040
01:03:36.666 --> 01:03:38.952
with the few worthless soldiers we have left.

2041
01:03:38.952 --> 01:03:40.613
<v Grif>Wait, didn't this start out as a pep talk?</v>

2042
01:03:40.613 --> 01:03:42.245
<v Sarge>We may never know why Simmons left.</v>

2043
01:03:42.245 --> 01:03:43.715
<v Grif>Yeah, maybe he was overwhelmed</v>

2044
01:03:43.715 --> 01:03:45.642
by all the positive reinforcement you give out.

2045
01:03:45.642 --> 01:03:48.400
<v Sarge>But the fact of the matter is, we're at war!</v>

2046
01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:51.644
So, if we're gonna win this thing we need to work together.

2047
01:03:51.644 --> 01:03:54.257
We need to put aside our disgusting laziness

2048
01:03:54.257 --> 01:03:56.862
and our constant attempts to kill each other in our sleep.

2049
01:03:56.862 --> 01:03:58.640
<v Grif>I've never tried to kill you in your sleep.</v>

2050
01:03:58.640 --> 01:04:00.676
<v Sarge>Damn it, Grif, this is a compromise.</v>

2051
01:04:00.676 --> 01:04:03.262
I realize I'm gonna have to give up some things as well.

2052
01:04:03.262 --> 01:04:04.775
(guitar riff)

2053
01:04:04.775 --> 01:04:06.254
<v Donut>Halt, who goes there!</v>

2054
01:04:06.254 --> 01:04:07.422
<v Simmons>Donut, it's me.</v>

2055
01:04:07.422 --> 01:04:09.311
<v Donut>Oh, right, you.</v>

2056
01:04:09.311 --> 01:04:10.451
What do you want?

2057
01:04:10.451 --> 01:04:11.590
<v Simmons>I want to talk to Sarge.</v>

2058
01:04:11.590 --> 01:04:12.777
I just found out some info.

2059
01:04:12.777 --> 01:04:14.310
Wait, why am I answering your questions?

2060
01:04:14.310 --> 01:04:15.551
<v Donut>I said hold it.</v>

2061
01:04:15.551 --> 01:04:16.673
<v Simmons>What's your problem, Donut?</v>

2062
01:04:16.673 --> 01:04:18.732
<v Donut>Sarge told me not to let anyone in the base,</v>

2063
01:04:18.732 --> 01:04:21.521
and I'm pretty sure anyone includes the enemy.

2064
01:04:21.521 --> 01:04:22.430
<v Simmons>I'm not the enemy.</v>

2065
01:04:22.430 --> 01:04:24.881
<v Donut>Oh, please, you're dressed in blue!</v>

2066
01:04:24.881 --> 01:04:28.105
FYI, there's kind of a theme around here.

2067
01:04:28.105 --> 01:04:30.134
You're Blue, I'm Red.

2068
01:04:30.134 --> 01:04:31.272
<v Simmons>More like pink.</v>

2069
01:04:31.272 --> 01:04:32.475
<v Donut>I have a gun.</v>

2070
01:04:32.475 --> 01:04:33.857
<v Simmons>Okay, okay,</v>

2071
01:04:33.857 --> 01:04:36.008
I only dressed like this to trick the Blues.

2072
01:04:36.008 --> 01:04:37.394
<v Donut>You helped the Blues!</v>

2073
01:04:37.394 --> 01:04:38.284
<v Simmons>And fooled them!</v>

2074
01:04:38.284 --> 01:04:39.686
<v Donut>You knocked Sarge out!</v>

2075
01:04:39.686 --> 01:04:40.519
Twice!

2076
01:04:40.519 --> 01:04:43.118
<v Simmons>Once again, Donut, to fool the Blues.</v>

2077
01:04:43.118 --> 01:04:45.484
And to work out some unresolved issues with father figures,

2078
01:04:45.484 --> 01:04:47.376
but look, just go ask Sarge, he knows it's me.

2079
01:04:47.376 --> 01:04:48.513
Hell, even Grif knows it's me.

2080
01:04:48.513 --> 01:04:49.802
<v Donut>Oh, sure!</v>

2081
01:04:49.802 --> 01:04:51.998
Everyone knows who you are, but me.

2082
01:04:51.998 --> 01:04:54.338
<v Simmons>No, the Blues don't know either.</v>

2083
01:04:54.338 --> 01:04:55.933
<v Church>Hey, Sheila, where'd that Simmons guy go,</v>

2084
01:04:55.933 --> 01:04:56.804
that was spying on us.

2085
01:04:56.804 --> 01:04:57.637
<v Sheila>I don't know.</v>

2086
01:04:57.637 --> 01:04:59.301
Why don't you go ask your new jeep?

2087
01:04:59.301 --> 01:05:00.620
<v Sarge>What's all this racket?</v>

2088
01:05:00.620 --> 01:05:02.336
<v Donut>There's an enemy trying to get into the base.</v>

2089
01:05:02.336 --> 01:05:03.169
<v Sarge>Where?</v>

2090
01:05:03.169 --> 01:05:05.595
<v Donut>Right there.</v>

2091
01:05:05.595 --> 01:05:06.913
<v Sarge>Where, behind Simmons?</v>

2092
01:05:06.913 --> 01:05:07.817
<v Simmons>He means me, sir.</v>

2093
01:05:07.817 --> 01:05:10.477
<v Donut>Oh, Simmons!</v>

2094
01:05:10.477 --> 01:05:12.011
Why didn't you tell me it was you?

2095
01:05:12.011 --> 01:05:13.513
<v Simmons>Donut, I did tell you it was me!</v>

2096
01:05:13.513 --> 01:05:14.992
<v Donut>Well, you didn't say it was you.</v>

2097
01:05:14.992 --> 01:05:16.764
You just kept saying. I'm me.

2098
01:05:16.764 --> 01:05:17.951
<v Simmons>I am me!</v>

2099
01:05:17.951 --> 01:05:19.501
<v Donut>But you didn't say you were you.</v>

2100
01:05:19.501 --> 01:05:21.961
If you had said you were you instead of I'm me,

2101
01:05:21.961 --> 01:05:23.495
I would have known that you were you.

2102
01:05:23.495 --> 01:05:25.052
You just keep saying you were me.

2103
01:05:25.052 --> 01:05:26.977
<v Simmons>That's because I'm me.</v>

2104
01:05:26.977 --> 01:05:29.658
<v Grif>And thus ends another meeting of the pronoun club.</v>

2105
01:05:29.658 --> 01:05:31.359
Same time next week, everybody.

2106
01:05:31.359 --> 01:05:33.097
<v Simmons>Well, now that we have that straightened out,</v>

2107
01:05:33.097 --> 01:05:34.334
I have some important information.

2108
01:05:34.334 --> 01:05:36.710
<v Sarge>I don't want to hear it, Blue.</v>

2109
01:05:36.710 --> 01:05:37.544
<v Simmons>What?</v>

2110
01:05:37.544 --> 01:05:38.989
This is valuable information about the war..

2111
01:05:38.989 --> 01:05:40.259
<v Sarge>There's no such thing</v>

2112
01:05:40.259 --> 01:05:43.032
as valuable information from a traitor.

2113
01:05:43.032 --> 01:05:44.234
<v Simmons>But, sir, I only did that</v>

2114
01:05:44.234 --> 01:05:45.936
because no one would believe me about the tank.

2115
01:05:45.936 --> 01:05:47.965
<v Donut>Sarge, Simmons has issues with his father</v>

2116
01:05:47.965 --> 01:05:49.711
that he displaces on you.

2117
01:05:49.711 --> 01:05:50.737
<v Simmons>No, Donut,</v>

2118
01:05:50.737 --> 01:05:52.008
that's why I punched Sarge in the face.

2119
01:05:52.008 --> 01:05:53.850
I left the base because I wasn't fulfilling my undying need

2120
01:05:53.850 --> 01:05:55.178
to please other people.

2121
01:05:55.178 --> 01:05:56.632
<v Sarge>All right, enough.</v>

2122
01:05:56.632 --> 01:05:59.292
The next person who tells me about Simmons' feelings

2123
01:05:59.292 --> 01:06:00.529
is getting court martialed!

2124
01:06:00.529 --> 01:06:02.245
<v Grif>Simmons likes to go in the bathroom</v>

2125
01:06:02.245 --> 01:06:03.364
and cry while he punches the mirror.

2126
01:06:03.364 --> 01:06:06.073
Well, I'll go pack my bags!

2127
01:06:06.073 --> 01:06:07.949
Nice working with you guys.

2128
01:06:07.949 --> 01:06:09.297
Good luck with the Blues!

2129
01:06:09.297 --> 01:06:10.222
It's been real.

2130
01:06:10.222 --> 01:06:12.380
(guitar riff)

2131
01:06:12.380 --> 01:06:14.626
<v Church>Oh, look who's back, the conquering heroes.</v>

2132
01:06:14.626 --> 01:06:15.792
What's up, guys?
<v ->Meh</v>

2133
01:06:15.792 --> 01:06:17.445
<v ->Hey, where's Tex?</v>
<v ->Gone.</v>

2134
01:06:17.445 --> 01:06:18.648
<v ->Where's the alien?</v>
<v ->Dead.</v>

2135
01:06:18.648 --> 01:06:20.375
<v ->Well, how'd the quest go?</v>
<v ->Failed.</v>

2136
01:06:20.375 --> 01:06:22.025
<v Church>Yeah, you know, I probably didn't even need</v>

2137
01:06:22.025 --> 01:06:23.640
to ask that last question, did I?

2138
01:06:23.640 --> 01:06:25.374
<v Andy>Eh, I wouldn't say failed.</v>

2139
01:06:25.374 --> 01:06:27.119
But these guys definitely screwed it up royal.

2140
01:06:27.119 --> 01:06:28.504
<v Tucker>What, we didn't do anything!</v>

2141
01:06:28.504 --> 01:06:29.477
<v Andy>Exactly!</v>

2142
01:06:29.477 --> 01:06:32.068
You let Tex do all the work and got the alien killed

2143
01:06:32.068 --> 01:06:33.867
<v Tucker>Yeah, but doing nothing is what we do,</v>

2144
01:06:33.867 --> 01:06:36.136
so technically we didn't screw anything up.

2145
01:06:36.136 --> 01:06:37.111
<v Caboose>It's true.</v>

2146
01:06:37.111 --> 01:06:40.120
I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing.

2147
01:06:40.120 --> 01:06:43.194
It's the same ribbon as last place, it's purple.

2148
01:06:43.194 --> 01:06:44.239
<v Church>Was Tex okay?</v>

2149
01:06:44.239 --> 01:06:45.088
<v Tucker>She's fine.</v>

2150
01:06:45.088 --> 01:06:46.407
None of us were that lucky.

2151
01:06:46.407 --> 01:06:47.594
She chased after Wyoming.

2152
01:06:47.594 --> 01:06:48.449
<v ->Tex?</v>
<v ->Yeah.</v>

2153
01:06:48.449 --> 01:06:49.713
<v ->Wyoming?</v>
<v ->Yes.</v>

2154
01:06:49.713 --> 01:06:50.850
<v Caboose>Massachusetts.</v>

2155
01:06:50.850 --> 01:06:51.934
<v Tucker>Seriously, stop it.</v>

2156
01:06:51.934 --> 01:06:53.539
<v Church>Tucker, why didn't you tell me this?</v>

2157
01:06:53.539 --> 01:06:54.498
<v Tucker>Tell you when?</v>

2158
01:06:54.498 --> 01:06:55.331
We just got here!

2159
01:06:55.331 --> 01:06:56.572
<v Church>Yeah, but you've been wasting my time</v>

2160
01:06:56.572 --> 01:06:58.301
gabbing about your stupid failed quest..

2161
01:06:58.301 --> 01:06:59.823
<v Andy>Eh, I really wouldn't say failed-</v>

2162
01:06:59.823 --> 01:07:01.637
<v Tucker>This conversation's stupid, I'm hungry.</v>

2163
01:07:01.637 --> 01:07:02.644
Where's the food?

2164
01:07:02.644 --> 01:07:04.787
<v Church>Listen, any time you have new information for me,</v>

2165
01:07:04.787 --> 01:07:07.181
just tell it to me as quickly as possible, okay?

2166
01:07:07.181 --> 01:07:09.227
<v Tucker>Well, here's one short, blanket statement</v>

2167
01:07:09.227 --> 01:07:12.138
that covers all future situations, we suck.

2168
01:07:12.138 --> 01:07:13.806
<v Church>I said new information!</v>

2169
01:07:13.806 --> 01:07:15.688
<v Tucker>Don't we have anything to eat in this place?</v>

2170
01:07:15.688 --> 01:07:18.521
(Tucker groaning)

2171
01:07:24.638 --> 01:07:26.486
<v Church>Man, he sounds terrible.</v>

2172
01:07:26.486 --> 01:07:28.334
<v Caboose>Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp.</v>

2173
01:07:28.334 --> 01:07:29.978
<v Church>Swamp, you guys were at a swamp?</v>

2174
01:07:29.978 --> 01:07:33.104
<v Caboose>Yeah, it was dark and swampy.</v>

2175
01:07:33.104 --> 01:07:35.290
I wasn't scared at all.

2176
01:07:35.290 --> 01:07:36.873
<v Church>Is this why you guys came home so fast?</v>

2177
01:07:36.873 --> 01:07:40.645
<v Caboose>No, we came home because the alien died</v>

2178
01:07:40.645 --> 01:07:43.062
and because the glowing sword

2179
01:07:44.447 --> 01:07:47.379
turned out to be a glowing key.

2180
01:07:47.379 --> 01:07:49.852
<v Church>Yeah, a glowing key that can still stab people.</v>

2181
01:07:49.852 --> 01:07:50.685
<v Caboose>Right.</v>

2182
01:07:50.685 --> 01:07:51.642
<v Church>So it is a sword!</v>

2183
01:07:51.642 --> 01:07:53.092
It just happens to function like a key

2184
01:07:53.092 --> 01:07:54.650
in very specific situations.

2185
01:07:54.650 --> 01:07:57.290
<v Caboose>Or it's just a key all the time,</v>

2186
01:07:57.290 --> 01:08:01.540
and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

2187
01:08:01.540 --> 01:08:02.438
<v Church>Goddamn man,</v>

2188
01:08:02.438 --> 01:08:05.126
I would love to live in your world for about 10 minutes.

2189
01:08:05.126 --> 01:08:07.876
<v Caboose>Yeah, I have a really good time.</v>

2190
01:08:07.876 --> 01:08:09.595
<v Church>Yeah, it seems like it.</v>

2191
01:08:09.595 --> 01:08:11.101
You know, I don't think I'd get anything done,

2192
01:08:11.101 --> 01:08:12.950
but I probably wouldn't care that much.

2193
01:08:12.950 --> 01:08:14.547
(Tucker groaning)

2194
01:08:14.547 --> 01:08:16.395
Hey Tucker, you okay?

2195
01:08:16.395 --> 01:08:18.890
<v Tucker>Why don't you guys come in here?</v>

2196
01:08:18.890 --> 01:08:21.543
<v Church>Uh, because it might be contagious</v>

2197
01:08:21.543 --> 01:08:23.312
and we've got to think about

2198
01:08:23.312 --> 01:08:25.107
the health of the unit as a whole.

2199
01:08:25.107 --> 01:08:26.442
I came up with that pretty fast.

2200
01:08:26.442 --> 01:08:29.366
<v Caboose>And because you threw up 10 minutes ago!</v>

2201
01:08:29.366 --> 01:08:30.998
And that's just gross!

2202
01:08:30.998 --> 01:08:32.763
<v Church>Hey wait a minute, you don't think that sword.</v>

2203
01:08:32.763 --> 01:08:33.805
<v Caboose>You mean the key?</v>

2204
01:08:33.805 --> 01:08:34.840
<v Church>No, I mean the sword.</v>

2205
01:08:34.840 --> 01:08:36.758
You don't suppose that sword is making him sick, do you?

2206
01:08:36.758 --> 01:08:39.217
<v Caboose>I don't see how, it hasn't sneezed once.</v>

2207
01:08:39.217 --> 01:08:40.718
<v Church>We don't know anything about it though.</v>

2208
01:08:40.718 --> 01:08:43.059
Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning him.

2209
01:08:43.059 --> 01:08:46.887
<v Caboose>Or maybe it runs on solar power!</v>

2210
01:08:46.887 --> 01:08:49.610
<v Church>Why would solar power make him sick?</v>

2211
01:08:49.610 --> 01:08:51.575
<v Caboose>Is he a Republican?</v>

2212
01:08:51.575 --> 01:08:52.609
<v Simmons>Okay, listen, guys,</v>

2213
01:08:52.609 --> 01:08:54.146
do you want important information about the war

2214
01:08:54.146 --> 01:08:54.979
or don't you?

2215
01:08:54.979 --> 01:08:56.014
<v Grif>I don't know man,</v>

2216
01:08:56.014 --> 01:08:58.049
this is a pretty exclusive club we got here.

2217
01:08:58.049 --> 01:08:59.415
If we let one blue guy in,

2218
01:08:59.415 --> 01:09:01.877
we might have to let the next one in, and the next one.

2219
01:09:01.877 --> 01:09:03.787
And then there goes the neighborhood.

2220
01:09:03.787 --> 01:09:05.767
<v Donut>Yeah, pretty soon we'll have to let in women.</v>

2221
01:09:05.767 --> 01:09:07.005
And who wants them!

2222
01:09:07.005 --> 01:09:08.512
<v Grif>Yeah, then we'd be talking</v>

2223
01:09:08.512 --> 01:09:11.117
about interior decorating and reality TV shows all day.

2224
01:09:11.117 --> 01:09:12.173
No thanks.

2225
01:09:12.173 --> 01:09:14.188
<v Donut>Grif, you kinda ruined my point</v>

2226
01:09:14.188 --> 01:09:15.658
when you just mentioned the good stuff!

2227
01:09:15.658 --> 01:09:16.661
<v Simmons>I'm sure the Blues</v>

2228
01:09:16.661 --> 01:09:18.058
are using the information right now

2229
01:09:18.058 --> 01:09:19.760
to plot an attack against us!

2230
01:09:19.760 --> 01:09:21.292
(Tucker retching)

2231
01:09:21.292 --> 01:09:23.040
<v Church>That better have been in your bucket!</v>

2232
01:09:23.040 --> 01:09:23.962
<v Caboose>I'll get the mop.</v>

2233
01:09:23.962 --> 01:09:25.051
<v Grif>Well you can forget it.</v>

2234
01:09:25.051 --> 01:09:26.008
You heard Sarge,

2235
01:09:26.008 --> 01:09:27.613
there's no way we're letting you in the base

2236
01:09:27.613 --> 01:09:28.446
dressed like that!

2237
01:09:28.446 --> 01:09:31.620
<v Donut>Seriously, the blue and red thing is so last year.</v>

2238
01:09:31.620 --> 01:09:32.940
<v Simmons>Well how about this?</v>

2239
01:09:32.940 --> 01:09:34.524
<v Grif>How did you change so fast?</v>

2240
01:09:34.524 --> 01:09:36.108
<v Simmons>I've always been a fast changer.</v>

2241
01:09:36.108 --> 01:09:37.067
I'm very shy.

2242
01:09:37.067 --> 01:09:38.402
<v Grif>Is that why you wear your underwear</v>

2243
01:09:38.402 --> 01:09:39.410
in the shower too?

2244
01:09:39.410 --> 01:09:41.144
<v Simmons>I also never use the bathroom at the base!</v>

2245
01:09:41.144 --> 01:09:42.028
Only at home.

2246
01:09:42.028 --> 01:09:43.467
<v Grif>Dude, we've been stationed here</v>

2247
01:09:43.467 --> 01:09:44.376
for like three years!

2248
01:09:44.376 --> 01:09:48.101
<v Simmons>Yeah, it's gonna be a very eventful homecoming.</v>

2249
01:09:48.101 --> 01:09:49.941
<v Church>Andy, what the hell happened to Tucker</v>

2250
01:09:49.941 --> 01:09:51.739
on this little adventure that you guys took?

2251
01:09:51.739 --> 01:09:52.850
<v Andy>How should I know?</v>

2252
01:09:52.850 --> 01:09:55.727
<v Caboose>He ate all my food and just threw it up.</v>

2253
01:09:55.727 --> 01:09:58.152
Could've just thrown it on the floor

2254
01:09:58.152 --> 01:09:59.486
and cut out the middleman.

2255
01:09:59.486 --> 01:10:01.102
<v Church>Yeah, plus now he's moody as hell.</v>

2256
01:10:01.102 --> 01:10:02.914
I went to ask him if he's feeling better

2257
01:10:02.914 --> 01:10:04.811
and he practically bit my goddamn head off.

2258
01:10:04.811 --> 01:10:06.527
<v Caboose>I bet he just would've</v>

2259
01:10:06.527 --> 01:10:09.021
thrown up your head later.

2260
01:10:09.021 --> 01:10:12.452
And then you could just put it right back on and be fine.

2261
01:10:12.452 --> 01:10:14.038
<v Andy>He was fine on the trip.</v>

2262
01:10:14.038 --> 01:10:15.820
Maybe he's just allergic to you.

2263
01:10:15.820 --> 01:10:17.892
I know I get nauseous when I look at ya.

2264
01:10:17.892 --> 01:10:19.079
<v Church>Did you guys come in contact</v>

2265
01:10:19.079 --> 01:10:22.331
with anything weird like any strange plants or animals?

2266
01:10:22.331 --> 01:10:25.983
Or like super flu viruses or porn stars?

2267
01:10:25.983 --> 01:10:29.141
<v Andy>Oh yeah, there's one thing I forgot to mention,</v>

2268
01:10:29.141 --> 01:10:31.568
we made it to a secret biological warfare lab

2269
01:10:31.568 --> 01:10:33.167
run by porn stars!

2270
01:10:33.167 --> 01:10:34.883
Tucker licked all the Petri dishes

2271
01:10:34.883 --> 01:10:36.335
even though we told him not to.

2272
01:10:36.335 --> 01:10:37.474
Then he got thirsty,

2273
01:10:37.474 --> 01:10:39.663
so he drank everything in the test tubes!

2274
01:10:39.663 --> 01:10:41.941
You think that had anything to do with it?

2275
01:10:41.941 --> 01:10:45.243
<v Caboose>I'm pretty sure that didn't actually happen,</v>

2276
01:10:45.243 --> 01:10:46.930
I would've remembered that part.

2277
01:10:46.930 --> 01:10:50.180
<v Andy>Aw come on, you're surprised he's sick?</v>

2278
01:10:50.180 --> 01:10:53.952
I've never seen the guy wash his hands, not once!

2279
01:10:53.952 --> 01:10:56.649
One time I saw him pick his nose at a pay phone!

2280
01:10:56.649 --> 01:10:57.983
<v Church>I'm just worried, man,</v>

2281
01:10:57.983 --> 01:11:00.032
who knows if this stuff is contagious?

2282
01:11:00.032 --> 01:11:01.978
For all we know Caboose could be next!

2283
01:11:01.978 --> 01:11:04.042
Wake up tomorrow morning, he's throwing up,

2284
01:11:04.042 --> 01:11:05.639
running a huge fever,

2285
01:11:05.639 --> 01:11:07.672
next thing you know he's bleeding out of his eyes

2286
01:11:07.672 --> 01:11:09.946
'cause his internal organs are liquefying.

2287
01:11:09.946 --> 01:11:11.794
And I'm gonna be the one that has to hold his hand

2288
01:11:11.794 --> 01:11:13.954
while he screams himself to death.

2289
01:11:13.954 --> 01:11:15.260
That's not gonna be any fun.

2290
01:11:15.260 --> 01:11:16.769
<v Caboose>I'm gonna go take a vitamin.</v>

2291
01:11:16.769 --> 01:11:18.922
<v Church>Oh, don't bother, it's too late for you anyway.</v>

2292
01:11:18.922 --> 01:11:20.344
We need to start thinking about me!

2293
01:11:20.344 --> 01:11:24.972
<v Andy>Tell you what, send me in, and I'll run cleanup.</v>

2294
01:11:24.972 --> 01:11:27.049
Don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything.

2295
01:11:27.049 --> 01:11:29.588
<v Church>Andy, I am not letting you blow up the base.</v>

2296
01:11:29.588 --> 01:11:30.925
<v Andy>Come on!</v>

2297
01:11:30.925 --> 01:11:33.086
Just a little explosion!

2298
01:11:33.086 --> 01:11:35.003
Five, 10 megatons tops!

2299
01:11:36.056 --> 01:11:38.219
All your scary germs will be gone.

2300
01:11:38.219 --> 01:11:40.165
Nothing left but the cockroaches.

2301
01:11:40.165 --> 01:11:41.992
Germ-free cockroaches!

2302
01:11:41.992 --> 01:11:43.895
<v Caboose>But then Tucker will be dead too.</v>

2303
01:11:43.895 --> 01:11:45.744
<v Andy>See, It's the perfect plan.</v>

2304
01:11:45.744 --> 01:11:48.245
<v Church>No, but that does give me a good idea.</v>

2305
01:11:48.245 --> 01:11:51.163
Technically, you can't get sick.

2306
01:11:51.163 --> 01:11:53.599
So why don't we send you in there to take care of Tucker?

2307
01:11:53.599 --> 01:11:55.756
You can figure out what's wrong and report back to us.

2308
01:11:55.756 --> 01:11:56.978
<v Andy>I ain't no nurse.</v>

2309
01:11:56.978 --> 01:12:00.472
I go in there, all you gonna get is an explosion.

2310
01:12:00.472 --> 01:12:03.578
You want a medical diagnosis, go see a doctor.

2311
01:12:03.578 --> 01:12:04.849
<v Church>What did you just say?</v>

2312
01:12:04.849 --> 01:12:08.657
<v Andy>I said you don't need me, you need a doctor.</v>

2313
01:12:08.657 --> 01:12:11.005
<v Caboose>Please don't do it.</v>

2314
01:12:11.005 --> 01:12:13.672
(phone ringing)

2315
01:12:14.763 --> 01:12:17.064
<v O'Malley>For the love of evil, someone get the phone!</v>

2316
01:12:17.064 --> 01:12:19.459 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2317
01:12:19.459 --> 01:12:22.876
You fool, can't you see I'm busy with an evil plot!

2318
01:12:22.876 --> 01:12:23.739
What do I pay you for?

2319
01:12:23.739 --> 01:12:27.718 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2320
01:12:27.718 --> 01:12:30.293
Oh shut up, you fool, you don't even have a body.

2321
01:12:30.293 --> 01:12:32.464 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2322
01:12:32.464 --> 01:12:33.701
<v Doc>Why all this bickering?</v>

2323
01:12:33.701 --> 01:12:34.737
Can't we all just get along?

2324
01:12:34.737 --> 01:12:36.292
<v O'Malley>And answer the damn phone!</v>

2325
01:12:36.292 --> 01:12:40.709 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2326
01:12:44.926 --> 01:12:47.221
I find you far too sarcastic for just a head.

2327
01:12:47.221 --> 01:12:48.506
<v Simmons>Sarge! Finally!</v>

2328
01:12:48.506 --> 01:12:49.944
I need to tell you what the blues are planning.

2329
01:12:49.944 --> 01:12:51.340
<v Sarge>I thought I told you idiots</v>

2330
01:12:51.340 --> 01:12:53.188
not to let this traitorous scumbag in the base!

2331
01:12:53.188 --> 01:12:54.379
<v Simmons>Good to see you too, sir.</v>

2332
01:12:54.379 --> 01:12:55.648
<v Grif>We didn't let him in the base.</v>

2333
01:12:55.648 --> 01:12:57.037
<v Sarge>He's standing right here.</v>

2334
01:12:57.037 --> 01:12:59.789
<v Grif>Well obviously he penetrated the defensive protocol</v>

2335
01:12:59.789 --> 01:13:01.376
that me and Private Donut established.

2336
01:13:01.376 --> 01:13:02.401
<v Simmons>Defense protocol?</v>

2337
01:13:02.401 --> 01:13:04.068
You asked me what the password was.

2338
01:13:04.068 --> 01:13:06.246
<v ->And you knew it!</v>
<v ->I guessed it.</v>

2339
01:13:06.246 --> 01:13:08.209
By the way, the password was password.

2340
01:13:08.209 --> 01:13:10.217
<v Grif>It's so obvious, it's impossible to guess.</v>

2341
01:13:10.217 --> 01:13:11.388
<v Sarge>Diabolical.</v>

2342
01:13:11.388 --> 01:13:12.715
<v Simmons>A password should contain</v>

2343
01:13:12.715 --> 01:13:14.322
at least one number and one letter.

2344
01:13:14.322 --> 01:13:16.904
For example, your password would be 2dumb2live.

2345
01:13:16.904 --> 01:13:18.487
<v ->Excellent burn!</v>
<v ->Thank you, sir.</v>

2346
01:13:18.487 --> 01:13:19.398
<v ->Traitor.</v>
<v ->Dammit.</v>

2347
01:13:19.398 --> 01:13:22.241
<v Sarge>Grif's stupidity aside, I'm not speaking with you</v>

2348
01:13:22.241 --> 01:13:24.449
until we punish your insubordination and treason.

2349
01:13:24.449 --> 01:13:26.062
<v Simmons>How about I just trade you the information</v>

2350
01:13:26.062 --> 01:13:27.083
that I learned from the blues?

2351
01:13:27.083 --> 01:13:29.063
<v Sarge>No, we have to have a trial!</v>

2352
01:13:29.063 --> 01:13:30.598
Right here, right now.

2353
01:13:30.598 --> 01:13:31.951
<v Simmons>What, We don't even have a judge.</v>

2354
01:13:31.951 --> 01:13:33.266
<v Sarge>Inaffirmative.</v>

2355
01:13:33.266 --> 01:13:36.358
In my civilian life, I worked as a judge for many years.

2356
01:13:36.358 --> 01:13:38.551
<v Grif>What level, municipal, federal?</v>

2357
01:13:38.551 --> 01:13:40.894
<v Sarge>Livestock, and occasionally agriculture.</v>

2358
01:13:40.894 --> 01:13:43.305
Now let's find out if Simmons is guilty of treason

2359
01:13:43.305 --> 01:13:44.722
or best in breed.

2360
01:13:44.722 --> 01:13:46.385
<v Simmons>I don't recognize the authority of this court.</v>

2361
01:13:46.385 --> 01:13:48.467
<v Sarge>No one cares what a convicted criminal thinks.</v>

2362
01:13:48.467 --> 01:13:50.015
<v Simmons>But aren't I innocent until you prove me guilty?</v>

2363
01:13:50.015 --> 01:13:50.889
<v Sarge>Nonsense!</v>

2364
01:13:50.889 --> 01:13:53.580
Why would we waste time having trials for innocent people?

2365
01:13:53.580 --> 01:13:55.214
That would be a waste of resources.

2366
01:13:55.214 --> 01:13:56.451
<v Simmons>But I'm not guilty</v>

2367
01:13:56.451 --> 01:13:57.753
until you hold trial and convict me.

2368
01:13:57.753 --> 01:13:59.535
<v Sarge>So you admit it's a forgone conclusion!</v>

2369
01:13:59.535 --> 01:14:00.525
<v Simmons>No, wait!</v>

2370
01:14:00.525 --> 01:14:01.358
I mean no?

2371
01:14:01.358 --> 01:14:02.868
Yes, no, that was right, I think.

2372
01:14:02.868 --> 01:14:03.701
<v Grif>Okay.</v>

2373
01:14:03.701 --> 01:14:04.720
This is officially more boring

2374
01:14:04.720 --> 01:14:06.898
than any of the other times I've been to court.

2375
01:14:06.898 --> 01:14:08.600
Permission to sigh and walk away, sir?

2376
01:14:08.600 --> 01:14:09.987
<v Sarge>Permission denied.</v>

2377
01:14:09.987 --> 01:14:12.294
If you leave, Simmons won't have anybody to defend him.

2378
01:14:12.294 --> 01:14:13.614
<v Simmons>Whoa whoa whoa whoa, wait a second.</v>

2379
01:14:13.614 --> 01:14:14.619
I prefer to defend myself.

2380
01:14:14.619 --> 01:14:16.140
<v Sarge>I knew you'd say that.</v>

2381
01:14:16.140 --> 01:14:17.782
And as the old saying goes,

2382
01:14:17.782 --> 01:14:19.686
a person who chooses to defend himself

2383
01:14:19.686 --> 01:14:21.534
has a fool for a lawyer.

2384
01:14:21.534 --> 01:14:22.819
And that fool is Grif.

2385
01:14:22.819 --> 01:14:23.827
<v Grif>Who's the prosecution?</v>

2386
01:14:23.827 --> 01:14:25.015
<v Sarge>Why, I am, of course!</v>

2387
01:14:25.015 --> 01:14:26.436
<v Simmons>You're the judge and the prosecutor?</v>

2388
01:14:26.436 --> 01:14:27.738
That's a conflict of interest!

2389
01:14:27.738 --> 01:14:29.535
<v Sarge>I object to that as speculative.</v>

2390
01:14:29.535 --> 01:14:31.385
And I also sustain my own objection.

2391
01:14:31.385 --> 01:14:32.617
<v Grif>Uh, we'd like to enter a plea.</v>

2392
01:14:32.617 --> 01:14:33.460
<v Simmons>What?</v>

2393
01:14:33.460 --> 01:14:34.293
<v Grif>Look, it's only a matter of time</v>

2394
01:14:34.293 --> 01:14:36.257
before Donut finds out we're having this trial.

2395
01:14:36.257 --> 01:14:37.269
<v Sarge>I'm listening.</v>

2396
01:14:37.269 --> 01:14:39.447
<v Grif>Well, if you're the judge and the DA,</v>

2397
01:14:39.447 --> 01:14:40.586
and I'm the defense,

2398
01:14:40.586 --> 01:14:42.518
you know Donut's gonna wanna be the bailiff.

2399
01:14:42.518 --> 01:14:44.394
And that means he's gonna wanna wear the cop uniform

2400
01:14:44.394 --> 01:14:45.680
with the short shorts!

2401
01:14:45.680 --> 01:14:47.875
<v Simmons>Ugh, Officer Hot Pants.</v>

2402
01:14:47.875 --> 01:14:49.096
<v Grif>Exactly.</v>

2403
01:14:49.096 --> 01:14:50.497
And I think we can all remember

2404
01:14:50.497 --> 01:14:52.446
that dance routine from Sarge's birthday party.

2405
01:14:52.446 --> 01:14:54.127
<v Donut>Oh my god, that cake is huge!</v>

2406
01:14:54.127 --> 01:14:55.564
It's big enough to fit a person in it.

2407
01:14:55.564 --> 01:14:57.348
<v Grif>Why does the cake smell like baby oil?</v>

2408
01:14:57.348 --> 01:14:59.181
Oh God, where's Donut?

2409
01:15:00.102 --> 01:15:02.311
<v Sarge>Hmm, okay, we'll commute Simmons's sentence</v>

2410
01:15:02.311 --> 01:15:03.508
in favor of time served.

2411
01:15:03.508 --> 01:15:04.452
<v Grif>With time off for good behavior.</v>

2412
01:15:04.452 --> 01:15:05.543
<v Sarge>No one wants a messy trial.</v>

2413
01:15:05.543 --> 01:15:07.307
<v Grif>I also think he should pay a hefty fine,</v>

2414
01:15:07.307 --> 01:15:08.214
which we can split.

2415
01:15:08.214 --> 01:15:09.047
<v Sarge>Agreed.</v>

2416
01:15:09.047 --> 01:15:10.211
<v Simmons>But I didn't do anything!</v>

2417
01:15:10.211 --> 01:15:11.483
<v Grif>You just keep your mouth shut.</v>

2418
01:15:11.483 --> 01:15:12.879
And don't talk to the press.

2419
01:15:12.879 --> 01:15:14.800
<v Donut>Hey, what's going on in there?</v>

2420
01:15:14.800 --> 01:15:16.992
<v ->[Sarge, Grif, and Simmons] Nothing!</v>

2421
01:15:16.992 --> 01:15:18.748
(O'Malley laughs)

2422
01:15:18.748 --> 01:15:19.672
<v O'Malley>Now be careful.</v>

2423
01:15:19.672 --> 01:15:22.292
Don't give away our position with maniacal laughing.

2424
01:15:22.292 --> 01:15:25.113
We don't know what to expect from these fools.

2425
01:15:25.113 --> 01:15:26.961
This could all be an elaborate trap!

2426
01:15:26.961 --> 01:15:29.156
And we don't want to be caught off guard.

2427
01:15:29.156 --> 01:15:30.549
<v Doc>You mean, get caught in a trap</v>

2428
01:15:30.549 --> 01:15:32.456
before we have a chance to spring our trap.

2429
01:15:32.456 --> 01:15:34.586
<v O'Malley>Precisely, you fool, now shut up.</v>

2430
01:15:34.586 --> 01:15:36.524
At least we have a lookout.

2431
01:15:36.524 --> 01:15:38.428
Lopez, What d'you see up there?

2432
01:15:38.428 --> 01:15:43.428 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2433
01:15:43.626 --> 01:15:45.425
I haven't been here in some time.

2434
01:15:45.425 --> 01:15:46.629
Which one is the blue base?

2435
01:15:46.629 --> 01:15:47.588
<v Doc>It's the blue one.</v>

2436
01:15:47.588 --> 01:15:49.172
<v O'Malley>Oh, yes.</v>

2437
01:15:49.172 --> 01:15:52.465
They're really thinking outside the box with the design.

2438
01:15:52.465 --> 01:15:54.632
Hmm, it's quiet too quiet.

2439
01:15:55.681 --> 01:15:56.585
(gun bangs)

2440
01:15:56.585 --> 01:15:59.071
Now suddenly, it's too loud.

2441
01:15:59.071 --> 01:16:00.591
I preferred it when it was quiet.

2442
01:16:00.591 --> 01:16:02.040
<v Church>All right, hold it, right there!</v>

2443
01:16:02.040 --> 01:16:05.266 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2444
01:16:05.266 --> 01:16:06.735
<v O'Malley>Yes, I see that!</v>

2445
01:16:06.735 --> 01:16:10.100
Thank you for keeping us informed, you moron.

2446
01:16:10.100 --> 01:16:10.933
(gun bangs)

2447
01:16:10.933 --> 01:16:12.691
<v Church>Yeah, that was just a warning shot, O'Malley.</v>

2448
01:16:12.691 --> 01:16:13.795
You make any funny moves,

2449
01:16:13.795 --> 01:16:16.351
the next one's gonna go right in the middle of your visor.

2450
01:16:16.351 --> 01:16:18.067
<v Caboose>You think you could make that shot from here?</v>

2451
01:16:18.067 --> 01:16:19.271
<v Church>Uh, probably not.</v>

2452
01:16:19.271 --> 01:16:20.562
I was actually trying to hit him that time.

2453
01:16:20.562 --> 01:16:21.499
I swear to God,

2454
01:16:21.499 --> 01:16:22.830
I think somebody fucks with the sights on this thing

2455
01:16:22.830 --> 01:16:23.886
when I'm not looking.

2456
01:16:23.886 --> 01:16:24.925
<v O'Malley>I knew it!</v>

2457
01:16:24.925 --> 01:16:26.954
This was just some elaborate scheme

2458
01:16:26.954 --> 01:16:28.326
to lure us into an ambush!

2459
01:16:28.326 --> 01:16:29.159
<v Church>First of all,</v>

2460
01:16:29.159 --> 01:16:30.519
I don't know if calling you on the phone

2461
01:16:30.519 --> 01:16:31.636
and inviting you over,

2462
01:16:31.636 --> 01:16:34.151
I don't think that qualifies as an elaborate scheme.

2463
01:16:34.151 --> 01:16:36.871
And secondly, we're not ambushing you.

2464
01:16:36.871 --> 01:16:39.130
We just wanna lay down some ground rules for your visit.

2465
01:16:39.130 --> 01:16:41.279
<v O'Malley>I'm not very big on rules, you know.</v>

2466
01:16:41.279 --> 01:16:42.212
<v Doc>It's true!</v>

2467
01:16:42.212 --> 01:16:44.038
We have the system back at the evil lair

2468
01:16:44.038 --> 01:16:46.185
where we each clean on different days,

2469
01:16:46.185 --> 01:16:47.786
but I always end up doing it!

2470
01:16:47.786 --> 01:16:48.619
<v O'Malley>Oh, shut up.</v>

2471
01:16:48.619 --> 01:16:49.720
<v Doc>And he always leaves the milk out.</v>

2472
01:16:49.720 --> 01:16:50.761
<v O'Malley>You fool, be quiet.</v>

2473
01:16:50.761 --> 01:16:53.484
<v Doc>And don't even get me started on the phone bill.</v>

2474
01:16:53.484 --> 01:16:54.325
<v Church>Hey, Doc.</v>

2475
01:16:54.325 --> 01:16:55.728
I see you're still swimming around

2476
01:16:55.728 --> 01:16:56.833
in that head somewhere too.

2477
01:16:56.833 --> 01:16:58.980
<v Doc>Well, it's not the ideal situation,</v>

2478
01:16:58.980 --> 01:17:01.346
but any relationship requires work if you can-

2479
01:17:01.346 --> 01:17:02.343
<v O'Malley>Fool!</v>

2480
01:17:02.343 --> 01:17:03.465
This isn't a relationship!

2481
01:17:03.465 --> 01:17:07.109
I'm just using your body to fulfill my evil plans.

2482
01:17:07.109 --> 01:17:08.394
When we're done,

2483
01:17:08.394 --> 01:17:11.451
I'm going to throw your rotten carcass into a swamp

2484
01:17:11.451 --> 01:17:15.904
and let the beasts feed on your injuries. (laughs)

2485
01:17:15.904 --> 01:17:17.273
<v Doc>I love you too, buddy.</v>

2486
01:17:17.273 --> 01:17:18.124
<v O'Malley>Oh, shut up.</v>

2487
01:17:18.124 --> 01:17:19.576
<v Church>Well don't get any bright ideas</v>

2488
01:17:19.576 --> 01:17:21.285
about jumping into anyone else today, O'Malley.

2489
01:17:21.285 --> 01:17:22.933
We've all got our radios off,

2490
01:17:22.933 --> 01:17:24.649
and we've all got our minds cleared.

2491
01:17:24.649 --> 01:17:27.131
We're not thinking about anything.

2492
01:17:27.131 --> 01:17:29.035
For some of us, that was easier than others.

2493
01:17:29.035 --> 01:17:31.529
<v Caboose>I just finished thinking about something</v>

2494
01:17:31.529 --> 01:17:34.565
and didn't start thinking about anything else.

2495
01:17:34.565 --> 01:17:36.413
<v Church>So here's how this is gonna work.</v>

2496
01:17:36.413 --> 01:17:39.369
You're gonna come in, you're gonna take a look at Tucker,

2497
01:17:39.369 --> 01:17:40.936
you're gonna tell us what's wrong,

2498
01:17:40.936 --> 01:17:42.436
and then you're gonna leave.

2499
01:17:42.436 --> 01:17:44.053
<v O'Malley>Mm, and what do we get?</v>

2500
01:17:44.053 --> 01:17:45.110
<v Church>What do you want?</v>

2501
01:17:45.110 --> 01:17:47.749
And I should warn you, Tex is not here.

2502
01:17:47.749 --> 01:17:50.224
So if you have any cute ideas for her, don't bother.

2503
01:17:50.224 --> 01:17:51.447
<v Doc>Well a standard physical</v>

2504
01:17:51.447 --> 01:17:53.229
usually requires a $20 copay.

2505
01:17:53.229 --> 01:17:55.685
Hey, ask 'em what kinda health insurance plan they have.

2506
01:17:55.685 --> 01:17:57.554
<v O'Malley>You fool, let me negotiate.</v>

2507
01:17:57.554 --> 01:17:59.497
We want something from you,

2508
01:17:59.497 --> 01:18:04.432
but we're not going to tell you what it is until we need it!

2509
01:18:04.432 --> 01:18:05.833
(O'Malley laughs)

2510
01:18:05.833 --> 01:18:06.757
<v Church>No way!</v>

2511
01:18:06.757 --> 01:18:09.427
I'm not agreeing to something without knowing what it is.

2512
01:18:09.427 --> 01:18:10.346
(O'Malley laughs)

2513
01:18:10.346 --> 01:18:12.030
<v O'Malley>Oh, yes you will.</v>

2514
01:18:12.030 --> 01:18:14.974
You will, or your little friend Tucker will die,

2515
01:18:14.974 --> 01:18:17.545
die a most horrible death,

2516
01:18:17.545 --> 01:18:21.158
and you know his blood will be on your hands.

2517
01:18:21.158 --> 01:18:25.118
Years from now, you'll drive yourself mad wondering

2518
01:18:25.118 --> 01:18:28.103
if there was anything you could have done to save him,

2519
01:18:28.103 --> 01:18:30.134
so you will agree to what I want.

2520
01:18:30.134 --> 01:18:32.270
You will agree even though what I want

2521
01:18:32.270 --> 01:18:34.256
is something mysterious,

2522
01:18:34.256 --> 01:18:37.526
what I want is something frightening,

2523
01:18:37.526 --> 01:18:42.526
what I want is something pure evil! (cackles)

2524
01:18:47.558 --> 01:18:50.726
I've also been told this $20 copay is pretty much standard.

2525
01:18:50.726 --> 01:18:52.459
<v Church>All right, fine.</v>

2526
01:18:52.459 --> 01:18:54.290
<v O'Malley>Haha, you fool.</v>

2527
01:18:54.290 --> 01:18:56.006
And we want the $20 up front!

2528
01:18:56.006 --> 01:18:56.864
<v Tucker>Fine!</v>

2529
01:18:56.864 --> 01:18:58.118
<v O'Malley>And in cash.</v>

2530
01:18:58.118 --> 01:18:58.958
<v Tucker>Ugh, whatever!</v>

2531
01:18:58.958 --> 01:19:00.494
<v O'Malley>Ah, you moron!</v>

2532
01:19:00.494 --> 01:19:01.862
If you'd used a credit card,

2533
01:19:01.862 --> 01:19:04.207
you could have gotten airline miles!

2534
01:19:04.207 --> 01:19:07.323
Or at least the 30 day grace period with no interest.

2535
01:19:07.323 --> 01:19:09.998
You fiscally irresponsible fools.

2536
01:19:09.998 --> 01:19:11.762
<v Church>Caboose, gimme $20.</v>

2537
01:19:11.762 --> 01:19:12.932
Wait, give me $30.

2538
01:19:12.932 --> 01:19:14.534
<v Sarge>Come on, double time, men.</v>

2539
01:19:14.534 --> 01:19:16.100
That goes double for you Grif.

2540
01:19:16.100 --> 01:19:17.671
<v Grif>Why are we always double timing, anyway?</v>

2541
01:19:17.671 --> 01:19:18.739
Can't we ever half time?

2542
01:19:18.739 --> 01:19:20.030
Or how about no time?

2543
01:19:20.030 --> 01:19:21.398
<v Sarge>No, numbnuts.</v>

2544
01:19:21.398 --> 01:19:22.538
According to Simmons,

2545
01:19:22.538 --> 01:19:24.747
the blues have already reestablished contact

2546
01:19:24.747 --> 01:19:25.789
with their command!

2547
01:19:25.789 --> 01:19:27.686
<v Grif>What, that's why we're running?</v>

2548
01:19:27.686 --> 01:19:28.707
<v Sarge>Of course!</v>

2549
01:19:28.707 --> 01:19:31.531
By now, they could be receiving reinforcements!

2550
01:19:31.531 --> 01:19:33.521
Or taking advantage of some new,

2551
01:19:33.521 --> 01:19:35.504
technological weapons development!

2552
01:19:35.504 --> 01:19:36.627
<v Grif>Or maybe their command</v>

2553
01:19:36.627 --> 01:19:38.196
has been giving them the same, generic orders

2554
01:19:38.196 --> 01:19:40.587
ours always gives us, like, try to win,

2555
01:19:40.587 --> 01:19:42.632
and, do better than you're currently doing.

2556
01:19:42.632 --> 01:19:44.927
I swear, sometimes I think they don't even know our names.

2557
01:19:44.927 --> 01:19:46.843
<v Sarge>That's just what I wanted you to hear.</v>

2558
01:19:46.843 --> 01:19:48.771
The conversations I had with command

2559
01:19:48.771 --> 01:19:50.786
have always provided vital intelligence!

2560
01:19:50.786 --> 01:19:51.619
<v Grif>Like what?</v>

2561
01:19:51.619 --> 01:19:53.426
<v Sarge>Like the location of the blue base!</v>

2562
01:19:53.426 --> 01:19:54.259
<v Grif>Right there.</v>

2563
01:19:54.259 --> 01:19:55.899
<v Sarge>And the number of soldiers they have.</v>

2564
01:19:55.899 --> 01:19:56.732
<v Grif>Three.</v>

2565
01:19:56.732 --> 01:19:58.559
<v Sarge>Also, the location of the base!</v>

2566
01:19:58.559 --> 01:20:00.298
<v Grif>Uh, you already said that one.</v>

2567
01:20:00.298 --> 01:20:01.216
<v Sarge>I meant our base.</v>

2568
01:20:01.216 --> 01:20:02.049
<v Simmons>Weren't we the ones</v>

2569
01:20:02.049 --> 01:20:03.578
that provided them the intel in the first place?

2570
01:20:03.578 --> 01:20:04.845
<v Sarge>Initially, yes,</v>

2571
01:20:04.845 --> 01:20:07.008
but command processes the raw data

2572
01:20:07.008 --> 01:20:09.003
and gives us back the key details.

2573
01:20:09.003 --> 01:20:10.556
You may recall they sent us plans

2574
01:20:10.556 --> 01:20:12.422
for the next phase of the war.

2575
01:20:12.422 --> 01:20:14.729
They were stored in Lopez before he was kidnapped.

2576
01:20:14.729 --> 01:20:16.225
<v Grif>You mean before he ran away.</v>

2577
01:20:16.225 --> 01:20:18.261
<v Sarge>No, I mean, shut up, Grif!</v>

2578
01:20:18.261 --> 01:20:20.328
<v Simmons>But how do we even know he still has the plans?</v>

2579
01:20:20.328 --> 01:20:22.599
Last time we saw him, all that was left was a head.

2580
01:20:22.599 --> 01:20:25.389
Maybe he stored the files in his legs, or his chest.

2581
01:20:25.389 --> 01:20:28.376
<v Sarge>You idiot, who stores memories in their chest?</v>

2582
01:20:28.376 --> 01:20:30.189
Don't you know anything about biology?

2583
01:20:30.189 --> 01:20:32.385
The chest is strictly reserved for digestion.

2584
01:20:32.385 --> 01:20:34.136
<v Grif>Maybe they'll send us more reinforcements</v>

2585
01:20:34.136 --> 01:20:34.976
like last time.

2586
01:20:34.976 --> 01:20:37.484
Donut's arrival was a real turning point in the offensive.

2587
01:20:37.484 --> 01:20:38.558
<v Sarge>Where is Donut?</v>

2588
01:20:38.558 --> 01:20:39.414
<v Simmons>There he is!</v>

2589
01:20:39.414 --> 01:20:40.916
Looks like he's talking to something.

2590
01:20:40.916 --> 01:20:41.840
<v Sarge>Looks like a rock.</v>

2591
01:20:41.840 --> 01:20:42.673
Grif!
<v ->What?</v>

2592
01:20:42.673 --> 01:20:45.633
<v Sarge>I need information on that rock, ASAP.</v>

2593
01:20:45.633 --> 01:20:47.679
Approach the target via flanking maneuver

2594
01:20:47.679 --> 01:20:49.496
and establish defilade to that ledge.

2595
01:20:49.496 --> 01:20:50.329
Point Alpha!

2596
01:20:50.329 --> 01:20:51.639
<v Grif>Or I could just look through</v>

2597
01:20:51.639 --> 01:20:52.629
the scope of the sniper rifle

2598
01:20:52.629 --> 01:20:54.594
since that's worked the last 800 times.

2599
01:20:54.594 --> 01:20:57.498
<v Sarge>Yeah, all right, fine, take all the fun out of it.</v>

2600
01:20:57.498 --> 01:21:00.549
I like my way better, it was more dangerous for you.

2601
01:21:00.549 --> 01:21:01.856
<v Grif>Sarge, I have great news.</v>

2602
01:21:01.856 --> 01:21:03.569
Looks like you're gonna get your plans after all.

2603
01:21:03.569 --> 01:21:05.169
And I'm not going to have to do anymore running,

2604
01:21:05.169 --> 01:21:06.209
so everybody wins.

2605
01:21:06.209 --> 01:21:07.712
<v Simmons>What about me, I didn't win anything.</v>

2606
01:21:07.712 --> 01:21:08.817
<v Grif>Oh, don't worry about it,</v>

2607
01:21:08.817 --> 01:21:10.401
I'm sure there will be somebody's ass you can kiss.

2608
01:21:10.401 --> 01:21:13.159
<v Church>Andy, this is Doc, Doc, this is Andy.</v>

2609
01:21:13.159 --> 01:21:15.861
Uh, Andy, Doc is here to help Tucker.

2610
01:21:15.861 --> 01:21:17.612
And he's also our worst enemy.

2611
01:21:17.612 --> 01:21:21.968
You know, besides the Reds, and Tex on certain days.

2612
01:21:21.968 --> 01:21:23.997
<v O'Malley>Well, thank you for introducing me</v>

2613
01:21:23.997 --> 01:21:25.814
to your bowling ball.

2614
01:21:25.814 --> 01:21:27.266
Hello, bowling ball.

2615
01:21:27.266 --> 01:21:29.655
<v Andy>Actually, I'm a bomb.</v>

2616
01:21:29.655 --> 01:21:30.597
<v O'Malley>It can talk?</v>

2617
01:21:30.597 --> 01:21:32.625
<v Andy>Why is that the first thing everybody says to me?</v>

2618
01:21:32.625 --> 01:21:35.349
<v O'Malley>A talking bomb, you say?</v>

2619
01:21:35.349 --> 01:21:38.713
Hm, I could use a fellow like you in my organization.

2620
01:21:38.713 --> 01:21:40.677
<v Church>Yeah, I should probably point out</v>

2621
01:21:40.677 --> 01:21:44.109
that Andy was specifically designed to blow up and kill you.

2622
01:21:44.109 --> 01:21:45.692
<v O'Malley>I see.</v>

2623
01:21:46.934 --> 01:21:48.729
Well this is certainly awkward.

2624
01:21:48.729 --> 01:21:49.785
<v Andy>Kaboom!</v>

2625
01:21:49.785 --> 01:21:50.673
<v O'Malley>Satan's Funyuns!</v>

2626
01:21:50.673 --> 01:21:52.057
(Andy laughing)

2627
01:21:52.057 --> 01:21:55.593
<v Andy>I was just kidding, I didn't really explode.</v>

2628
01:21:55.593 --> 01:21:59.475
<v O'Malley>Haha, good one, yes, highly amusing.</v>

2629
01:21:59.475 --> 01:22:00.418
<v Sarge>Lopez?</v>

2630
01:22:00.418 --> 01:22:02.071
Donut, where did you find him?

2631
01:22:02.071 --> 01:22:02.995
<v Donut>Right here.</v>

2632
01:22:02.995 --> 01:22:04.219
<v Simmons>How were you two talking?</v>

2633
01:22:04.219 --> 01:22:05.566
Lopez, you speak English now?

2634
01:22:05.566 --> 01:22:06.399
<v Lopez>No.</v>

2635
01:22:06.399 --> 01:22:07.232
<v Grif>Well if he doesn't</v>

2636
01:22:07.232 --> 01:22:08.981
then why did he just say no in English?

2637
01:22:08.981 --> 01:22:09.814
Busted!

2638
01:22:09.814 --> 01:22:11.997
<v Donut>I took four years of high school Spanish.</v>

2639
01:22:11.997 --> 01:22:13.830
That's the best way to learn any language.

2640
01:22:13.830 --> 01:22:15.449
<v Sarge>What have you two been talking about?</v>

2641
01:22:15.449 --> 01:22:17.807
<v Donut>Oh, the usual Spanish fare.</v>

2642
01:22:17.807 --> 01:22:19.420
I told him my name.

2643
01:22:19.420 --> 01:22:21.306
I asked him what his name was.

2644
01:22:21.306 --> 01:22:23.279
I asked if he knew where the bathroom was,

2645
01:22:23.279 --> 01:22:24.999
how much a ticket for the train cost,

2646
01:22:24.999 --> 01:22:26.333
and I asked him for the check.

2647
01:22:26.333 --> 01:22:30.750 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2648
01:22:31.863 --> 01:22:33.181
<v Sarge>Ask him where he's been.</v>

2649
01:22:33.181 --> 01:22:34.420
No, ask him where he's going!

2650
01:22:34.420 --> 01:22:37.289
Wait, ask him if he has our secret plans.

2651
01:22:37.289 --> 01:22:38.397
And if he missed me.

2652
01:22:38.397 --> 01:22:42.814 line:15%
(Donut speaking in foreign language)

2653
01:22:50.717 --> 01:22:52.601
<v Donut>Looks like he's not talkin', Sarge.</v>

2654
01:22:52.601 --> 01:22:55.601
<v Sarge>All right, he wants to play tough, huh?</v>

2655
01:22:55.601 --> 01:22:59.017
I built in an override code for just this event.

2656
01:22:59.017 --> 01:23:03.389
Lopez, give me root access, priority Delta One.

2657
01:23:03.389 --> 01:23:08.127 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2658
01:23:08.127 --> 01:23:11.626
<v Sarge>The access code is, access code.</v>

2659
01:23:11.626 --> 01:23:13.435
<v Simmons>Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.</v>

2660
01:23:13.435 --> 01:23:14.484
<v Sarge>Ah, bitch about it later.</v>

2661
01:23:14.484 --> 01:23:16.067 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2662
01:23:16.067 --> 01:23:18.905
Lopez, replay the intel message from command.

2663
01:23:18.905 --> 01:23:20.022 line:15%
<v Lopez>Okay.</v>

2664
01:23:20.022 --> 01:23:21.092
<v Grif>See, okay?</v>

2665
01:23:21.092 --> 01:23:23.020
I'm telling you, this guy's faking.

2666
01:23:23.020 --> 01:23:27.603 line:15%
(Vic Jr. speaking in foreign language)

2667
01:23:32.952 --> 01:23:35.523
Oh, come on, the recording is in Spanish?

2668
01:23:35.523 --> 01:23:37.024
That doesn't even make any sense!

2669
01:23:37.024 --> 01:23:38.577 line:15%
<v Simmons>This guy sounds just like the guy</v>

2670
01:23:38.577 --> 01:23:39.958 line:15%
the Blues were talking to, Vic Jr.!

2671
01:23:39.958 --> 01:23:41.527 line:15%
I bet his kids changed sides.

2672
01:23:41.527 --> 01:23:44.710 line:15%
<v Sarge>Eggs Benedict Arnold, those dirty traitors!</v>

2673
01:23:44.710 --> 01:23:45.669
No offense Simmons.

2674
01:23:45.669 --> 01:23:46.822
<v Simmons>None taken, sir.</v>

2675
01:23:46.822 --> 01:23:48.475 line:15%
<v ->Traitor.</v>
<v ->Goddammit.</v>

2676
01:23:48.475 --> 01:23:50.834 line:15%
<v Donut>Wait, how did Vic have kids?</v>

2677
01:23:50.834 --> 01:23:53.251 line:15%
I thought he had a vasectomy.

2678
01:23:55.023 --> 01:23:56.343
Well that's just what I heard!

2679
01:23:56.343 --> 01:23:58.805 line:15%
(Vic Jr. speaking in foreign language)

2680
01:23:58.805 --> 01:24:00.750 line:15%
<v Sarge>We've got to figure out what he's saying!</v>

2681
01:24:00.750 --> 01:24:02.468 line:15%
Donut, can you translate or can't you?

2682
01:24:02.468 --> 01:24:03.852 line:15%
<v Donut>Uh, I think he's saying</v>

2683
01:24:03.852 --> 01:24:05.799 line:15%
something about losing his passport.

2684
01:24:05.799 --> 01:24:07.154
<v Simmons>Well, when I was in blue base,</v>

2685
01:24:07.154 --> 01:24:08.703
Church mentioned that they built a translation device

2686
01:24:08.703 --> 01:24:09.710
out of an old bomb.

2687
01:24:09.710 --> 01:24:10.543
<v Sarge>Egads!</v>

2688
01:24:10.543 --> 01:24:13.448
No doubt to decipher their plans to destroy us!

2689
01:24:13.448 --> 01:24:16.623
If we don't translate the tactical plans Lopez is saying,

2690
01:24:16.623 --> 01:24:17.804
we're all doomed!

2691
01:24:17.804 --> 01:24:22.387 line:15%
(Vic Jr. speaking in foreign language)

2692
01:24:26.536 --> 01:24:29.029
That information can save our very lives!

2693
01:24:29.029 --> 01:24:30.399
<v Simmons>Why don't we sneak into blue base,</v>

2694
01:24:30.399 --> 01:24:33.011
grab the translation device, and use it on our message.

2695
01:24:33.011 --> 01:24:33.844
<v Sarge>I agree.</v>

2696
01:24:33.844 --> 01:24:34.969
<v Grif>Let me get this straight,</v>

2697
01:24:34.969 --> 01:24:36.951
we're going to steal a bomb from our enemies.

2698
01:24:36.951 --> 01:24:39.660
A bomb that can be remotely detonated, I might add.

2699
01:24:39.660 --> 01:24:41.751
And then we're going to bring it back to our base,

2700
01:24:41.751 --> 01:24:43.300
and all huddle around it.

2701
01:24:43.300 --> 01:24:44.523
What a great plan!

2702
01:24:44.523 --> 01:24:45.643
<v Simmons>Well, sure, it sounds stupid</v>

2703
01:24:45.643 --> 01:24:46.712
when you say it like that.

2704
01:24:46.712 --> 01:24:48.199
<v Sarge>Come on, let's move.</v>

2705
01:24:48.199 --> 01:24:49.789
Somebody grab Lopez's cabesa.

2706
01:24:49.789 --> 01:24:51.624
<v Donut>Of course!</v>

2707
01:24:51.624 --> 01:24:53.486
<v Sarge>That's not the cabesa, Donut.</v>

2708
01:24:53.486 --> 01:24:55.531
<v ->Hey!</v>
<v ->And that's not Lopez!</v>

2709
01:24:55.531 --> 01:24:59.298
<v Tucker>Oh God, I think it's coming back up. (wretches)</v>

2710
01:24:59.298 --> 01:25:00.131
<v Doc>Okay, everybody,</v>

2711
01:25:00.131 --> 01:25:01.885
I'm gonna give Tucker his physical now.

2712
01:25:01.885 --> 01:25:03.399
Would either of you like to assist?

2713
01:25:03.399 --> 01:25:05.262
<v O'Malley>That's just a fancy way of saying,</v>

2714
01:25:05.262 --> 01:25:08.624
hold the vomit bucket. (laughs)

2715
01:25:08.624 --> 01:25:09.992
<v Church>Uh, sorry, I'm busy.</v>

2716
01:25:09.992 --> 01:25:11.295
<v ->Caboose?</v>
<v ->I can't.</v>

2717
01:25:11.295 --> 01:25:12.128
<v Doc>Well, why not?</v>

2718
01:25:12.128 --> 01:25:13.903
<v Caboose>Oh, because, uh, I am allergic</v>

2719
01:25:13.903 --> 01:25:15.916
to things that I don't want to do.

2720
01:25:15.916 --> 01:25:18.607
(coughs) Coughing.

2721
01:25:18.607 --> 01:25:21.065
<v Doc>Okay, just more fun for me!</v>

2722
01:25:21.065 --> 01:25:23.220
<v Sarge>Well, you won't believe this.</v>

2723
01:25:23.220 --> 01:25:25.867
It looks like the Blues have teamed up with O'Malley.

2724
01:25:25.867 --> 01:25:27.367
Those dirty backstabbers!

2725
01:25:27.367 --> 01:25:29.644
<v Grif>Our enemies teamed up with our enemy.</v>

2726
01:25:29.644 --> 01:25:30.832
How is that a backstab?

2727
01:25:30.832 --> 01:25:31.756
<v Sarge>Exactly!</v>

2728
01:25:31.756 --> 01:25:33.127
No-good two-timers!

2729
01:25:33.127 --> 01:25:35.073
All right men, Let's get in there

2730
01:25:35.073 --> 01:25:36.820
and acquire that exploding translator thing

2731
01:25:36.820 --> 01:25:38.855
so we can figure out what Lopez is saying.

2732
01:25:38.855 --> 01:25:41.169 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2733
01:25:41.169 --> 01:25:43.365
I agree, Lopez. Time is of the essence.

2734
01:25:43.365 --> 01:25:48.288 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2735
01:25:48.288 --> 01:25:50.327
Heh heh heh, good one, amigo!

2736
01:25:50.327 --> 01:25:53.145 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2737
01:25:53.145 --> 01:25:54.105
I see the bomb.

2738
01:25:54.105 --> 01:25:55.341
He's right next to Caboose.

2739
01:25:55.341 --> 01:25:56.773
<v Grif>Which one is Caboose, again?</v>

2740
01:25:56.773 --> 01:25:57.682
I get confused.

2741
01:25:57.682 --> 01:26:00.885
Is he the stupid mean one, the stupid annoying one,

2742
01:26:00.885 --> 01:26:02.500
or the stupid stupid one?

2743
01:26:02.500 --> 01:26:03.837
<v Simmons>Stupid stupid.</v>

2744
01:26:03.837 --> 01:26:05.088
<v Grif>Oh yeah, right.</v>

2745
01:26:05.088 --> 01:26:06.130
What an idiot!

2746
01:26:06.130 --> 01:26:07.186
<v Simmons>Yeah, totally!</v>

2747
01:26:07.186 --> 01:26:09.082
<v Donut>Sarge? I hate to point out the obvious,</v>

2748
01:26:09.082 --> 01:26:11.394
but since we can see them with the sniper rifle,

2749
01:26:11.394 --> 01:26:12.633
why don't we just shoot 'em?

2750
01:26:12.633 --> 01:26:14.349
<v Sarge>Shame on you, Donut!</v>

2751
01:26:14.349 --> 01:26:16.746
A sniper rifle is a coward's weapon.

2752
01:26:16.746 --> 01:26:20.063
When you kill your enemy, you wanna look in his eyes

2753
01:26:20.063 --> 01:26:23.290
so he knows you're the one who beat him to death!

2754
01:26:23.290 --> 01:26:24.465
It also gives you a chance

2755
01:26:24.465 --> 01:26:26.443
to deliver some really zippy one-liners.

2756
01:26:26.443 --> 01:26:29.151
Like, I hope you brought your wallet

2757
01:26:29.151 --> 01:26:31.930
because the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!

2758
01:26:31.930 --> 01:26:33.093
<v Grif>(sighs) Oh my God.</v>

2759
01:26:33.093 --> 01:26:36.316
<v Sarge>Or my personal favorite, you just got Sarged!</v>

2760
01:26:36.316 --> 01:26:38.567
(chuckles) Classic.

2761
01:26:38.567 --> 01:26:41.257 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2762
01:26:41.257 --> 01:26:43.569
Yep, hand-to-hand combat is the old school way

2763
01:26:43.569 --> 01:26:44.476
to kill your foes.

2764
01:26:44.476 --> 01:26:46.425
It hearkens back to the honored traditions

2765
01:26:46.425 --> 01:26:48.304
when combatants respected one another.

2766
01:26:48.304 --> 01:26:50.572
Killing a man with your bare hands says,

2767
01:26:50.572 --> 01:26:52.261
we're all equals as men.

2768
01:26:52.261 --> 01:26:53.534
Except I'm slightly more equal

2769
01:26:53.534 --> 01:26:55.449
'cause I'm still alive and you're dead.

2770
01:26:55.449 --> 01:26:58.059
Of course, dropping a nuke on them from 50,000 feet

2771
01:26:58.059 --> 01:26:59.757
is also totally acceptable.

2772
01:26:59.757 --> 01:27:01.088
I mean, let's face it.

2773
01:27:01.088 --> 01:27:03.270
There's just not enough time in this busy world

2774
01:27:03.270 --> 01:27:05.647
to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling.

2775
01:27:05.647 --> 01:27:06.480
<v Grif>See?</v>

2776
01:27:06.480 --> 01:27:08.817
That right there is why society is going downhill.

2777
01:27:08.817 --> 01:27:10.206
Everyone's in such a hurry these days-

2778
01:27:10.206 --> 01:27:11.782
<v Simmons>Yeah yeah yeah, we get the point, wasting time.</v>

2779
01:27:11.782 --> 01:27:12.805
Okay what was the plan, Sarge?

2780
01:27:12.805 --> 01:27:13.813
<v Sarge>You fellas stay here.</v>

2781
01:27:13.813 --> 01:27:16.987
I'm gonna head up there with Lopez and get that device.

2782
01:27:16.987 --> 01:27:18.595
Get it, Lopez, Head up there.

2783
01:27:18.595 --> 01:27:20.398
Score two for Sarge, ding ding!

2784
01:27:20.398 --> 01:27:22.519
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2785
01:27:22.519 --> 01:27:25.091
<v Doc>Hey guys, I've figured out what's wrong.</v>

2786
01:27:25.091 --> 01:27:26.210
<v Church>What is it, Doc?</v>

2787
01:27:26.210 --> 01:27:29.072
<v Doc>You're not gonna like the diagnosis.</v>

2788
01:27:29.072 --> 01:27:30.265
<v O'Malley>Which is ironic,</v>

2789
01:27:30.265 --> 01:27:34.304
because I think it's absolutely delightful! (cackles)

2790
01:27:34.304 --> 01:27:36.235
<v Church>Just tell us, Doc, we can take it.</v>

2791
01:27:36.235 --> 01:27:38.840
<v ->Your friend is-</v>
<v ->Dying? Oh no!</v>

2792
01:27:38.840 --> 01:27:41.780
<v Doc>No, he's not dying, he just has-</v>

2793
01:27:41.780 --> 01:27:43.586
<v Caboose>No chance to live, I knew it!</v>

2794
01:27:43.586 --> 01:27:45.781
<v Church>Caboose. One more interruption out of you,</v>

2795
01:27:45.781 --> 01:27:47.275
and he's gonna have two patients.

2796
01:27:47.275 --> 01:27:48.552
<v Doc>(sighs) How do I say this?</v>

2797
01:27:48.552 --> 01:27:49.969
Your friend is...

2798
01:27:50.905 --> 01:27:52.414
<v Church>Why are you pausing?</v>

2799
01:27:52.414 --> 01:27:53.470
Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time.

2800
01:27:53.470 --> 01:27:55.153
<v Doc>No, that was just for dramatic effect.</v>

2801
01:27:55.153 --> 01:27:56.046
He's pregnant.

2802
01:27:56.046 --> 01:27:58.348
<v Caboose>Oh, god!</v>

2803
01:27:58.348 --> 01:27:59.652
Wait, what?

2804
01:27:59.652 --> 01:28:00.751
<v O'Malley>Preggers! (laughs)</v>

2805
01:28:00.751 --> 01:28:02.347
<v Church>All right, are we paying for this service?</v>

2806
01:28:02.347 --> 01:28:04.494
Because if we are, I want a refund.

2807
01:28:04.494 --> 01:28:06.258
And if we're not, I want a refund anyway.

2808
01:28:06.258 --> 01:28:07.992
<v Doc>No, it's true, we found two heartbeats!</v>

2809
01:28:07.992 --> 01:28:09.343
So, unless he has two hearts,

2810
01:28:09.343 --> 01:28:12.031
the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant.

2811
01:28:12.031 --> 01:28:12.864
I think.

2812
01:28:12.864 --> 01:28:15.019
<v Church>How is that a logical explanation?</v>

2813
01:28:15.019 --> 01:28:18.062
All right, one of the two of you has some explaining to do.

2814
01:28:18.062 --> 01:28:20.215
<v Andy>(laughs) Don't look at me!</v>

2815
01:28:20.215 --> 01:28:21.883
Tucker's not my type!

2816
01:28:21.883 --> 01:28:24.391
<v Caboose>Yeah, me neither.</v>

2817
01:28:24.391 --> 01:28:28.474
And, uh, maybe we should have the doctor explain,

2818
01:28:30.775 --> 01:28:34.524
uh, just how babies are made, you know?

2819
01:28:34.524 --> 01:28:37.949
Uh, in case someone in the group, uh,

2820
01:28:37.949 --> 01:28:41.116
may not exactly know how that happens.

2821
01:28:43.949 --> 01:28:45.665
<v Church>Oh my God, Caboose, shut up!</v>

2822
01:28:45.665 --> 01:28:46.880
Andy, blow up.

2823
01:28:46.880 --> 01:28:48.651
Doc, you're fired, get out of here!

2824
01:28:48.651 --> 01:28:49.590
I'm gonna go shoot Tucker.

2825
01:28:49.590 --> 01:28:52.415
<v O'Malley>No, you said we had to tell you what was wrong!</v>

2826
01:28:52.415 --> 01:28:54.245
You didn't say we had to be right!

2827
01:28:54.245 --> 01:28:58.254
Or that we had to fix him, you fool! (laughs)

2828
01:28:58.254 --> 01:29:00.401
Read the fine print, classic blunder!

2829
01:29:00.401 --> 01:29:02.130
<v Doc>First of all, I am right.</v>

2830
01:29:02.130 --> 01:29:03.567
And we are going to help him.

2831
01:29:03.567 --> 01:29:04.400
<v ->[Church and O'Malley] What?</v>

2832
01:29:04.400 --> 01:29:07.377
<v Doc>Look, no one's ever seen anything like this before!</v>

2833
01:29:07.377 --> 01:29:09.209
I don't know anything about what caused this

2834
01:29:09.209 --> 01:29:10.398
or how to help him,

2835
01:29:10.398 --> 01:29:13.302
but with heart and true determination,

2836
01:29:13.302 --> 01:29:14.700
we can get him through this!

2837
01:29:14.700 --> 01:29:16.961
<v Church>Yeah, we don't want heart and determination, Doc.</v>

2838
01:29:16.961 --> 01:29:18.285
What we want is a a degree

2839
01:29:18.285 --> 01:29:20.102
from an accredited medical institution.

2840
01:29:20.102 --> 01:29:23.516
<v Andy>Yeah, or four years equivalent work experience!</v>

2841
01:29:23.516 --> 01:29:24.854
<v Doc>(sighs) Come see for yourself.</v>

2842
01:29:24.854 --> 01:29:25.760
<v Church>Fine.</v>

2843
01:29:25.760 --> 01:29:29.273
<v Caboose>Uh, I think I need to stay here</v>

2844
01:29:29.273 --> 01:29:32.023
and guard this rock, from Tucker.

2845
01:29:34.027 --> 01:29:36.285
Because I'm pretty sure that how all this started.

2846
01:29:36.285 --> 01:29:38.017
<v Church>All right. What's wrong?</v>

2847
01:29:38.017 --> 01:29:39.141
You seem nervous.

2848
01:29:39.141 --> 01:29:40.725
<v Caboose>What if Tucker is contagious?</v>

2849
01:29:40.725 --> 01:29:42.580
I do not want to catch pregnancy!

2850
01:29:42.580 --> 01:29:44.289
<v Church>Hey, no one is pregnant!</v>

2851
01:29:44.289 --> 01:29:45.360
And seriously, Caboose?

2852
01:29:45.360 --> 01:29:48.312
When I get done with this, we gotta have a little talk, man.

2853
01:29:48.312 --> 01:29:51.265
There's a book I've got that we can read together.

2854
01:29:51.265 --> 01:29:52.373
<v Caboose>I'd like that.</v>

2855
01:29:52.373 --> 01:29:53.693
<v O'Malley>Maybe you can have the bowling ball</v>

2856
01:29:53.693 --> 01:29:55.871
fill you in on some of the basics.

2857
01:29:55.871 --> 01:30:00.185
Let me get you started, there's three holes! (laughs)

2858
01:30:00.185 --> 01:30:02.423
<v ->Oh, gross.</v>
<v ->I meant in the bowling ball!</v>

2859
01:30:02.423 --> 01:30:04.775
<v Andy>Hey, Caboose, Level with me, pal.</v>

2860
01:30:04.775 --> 01:30:07.474
I don't really look like a bowling ball, do I?

2861
01:30:07.474 --> 01:30:11.355
<v Caboose>No, Andy, you're not nearly that fat.</v>

2862
01:30:11.355 --> 01:30:13.201
<v Andy>'Cause I've been working out, you know?</v>

2863
01:30:13.201 --> 01:30:15.339
Dumbbells, pushups, crunches-

2864
01:30:15.339 --> 01:30:17.060
<v ->Yoink!</v>
<v ->What?</v>

2865
01:30:17.060 --> 01:30:18.879
<v Caboose>Andy?</v>

2866
01:30:18.879 --> 01:30:21.129
Andy, what happened to you?

2867
01:30:22.227 --> 01:30:26.644 line:15%
(Lopez speaking in foreign language)

2868
01:30:27.955 --> 01:30:28.788
Andy!

2869
01:30:29.964 --> 01:30:32.214
You turned into a real boy!

2870
01:30:34.628 --> 01:30:37.382
<v Sarge>See, boys, now that's how you run a successful op!</v>

2871
01:30:37.382 --> 01:30:39.525
In and out like well-lubricated lightning!

2872
01:30:39.525 --> 01:30:40.436
<v Simmons>Where's Lopez?</v>

2873
01:30:40.436 --> 01:30:43.221
<v Sarge>(chuckles) I pulled the ol' switcheroo!</v>

2874
01:30:43.221 --> 01:30:45.893
Lopez was the same size and shape as this feller,

2875
01:30:45.893 --> 01:30:47.379
so I just swapped 'em out.

2876
01:30:47.379 --> 01:30:50.547
Just like Indiana Jones woulda done.

2877
01:30:50.547 --> 01:30:53.715
Heh, they'll never even know he was missing!

2878
01:30:53.715 --> 01:30:55.070
Thank God he's a little lighter

2879
01:30:55.070 --> 01:30:56.276
than the last time we saw him.

2880
01:30:56.276 --> 01:30:57.856
<v Andy>Finally somebody noticed!</v>

2881
01:30:57.856 --> 01:31:00.218
You know how hard it is to maintain this figure?

2882
01:31:00.218 --> 01:31:02.628
<v Grif>You swapped Lopez for the bomb.</v>

2883
01:31:02.628 --> 01:31:04.227
Permission to speak insultingly, sir?

2884
01:31:04.227 --> 01:31:05.741
<v Sarge>Permission denied!</v>

2885
01:31:05.741 --> 01:31:08.055
You're just jealous 'cause you didn't think of it first!

2886
01:31:08.055 --> 01:31:10.004
(chuckles) Now, let's translate!

2887
01:31:10.004 --> 01:31:11.171
Where's Lopez?

2888
01:31:13.033 --> 01:31:14.360
Aw, hell!

2889
01:31:14.360 --> 01:31:15.398
I'll be right back.

2890
01:31:15.398 --> 01:31:18.302
<v Caboose>Now you see, Andy, now we can go fishing</v>

2891
01:31:18.302 --> 01:31:20.251
and you don't have to be the bait anymore

2892
01:31:20.251 --> 01:31:22.839
and we can hiking and we can go camping,

2893
01:31:22.839 --> 01:31:24.671
and you don't have to be the fire anymore

2894
01:31:24.671 --> 01:31:27.938
and we can riding together and we now can hold hands

2895
01:31:27.938 --> 01:31:30.446
and we can fly kites and we can play tag

2896
01:31:30.446 --> 01:31:32.538
and we can drink orange juice together!

2897
01:31:32.538 --> 01:31:33.413
<v Sarge>Hey, Caboose!</v>

2898
01:31:33.413 --> 01:31:35.350
You hear something behind you!

2899
01:31:35.350 --> 01:31:36.321
<v Caboose>I do?</v>

2900
01:31:36.321 --> 01:31:37.879
I wonder what's causing it.

2901
01:31:37.879 --> 01:31:39.496
<v Sarge>Double yoink!</v>

2902
01:31:39.496 --> 01:31:41.315
<v Caboose>Andy?</v>

2903
01:31:41.315 --> 01:31:42.148
Oh my god!

2904
01:31:44.645 --> 01:31:45.478
Andy!

2905
01:31:47.051 --> 01:31:48.051
You're dead!

2906
01:31:49.940 --> 01:31:52.399
How did this happen?

2907
01:31:52.399 --> 01:31:54.643
<v Church>Ugh, I don't believe this.</v>

2908
01:31:54.643 --> 01:31:57.052
<v Doc>It's true, your friend Tucker's pregnant.</v>

2909
01:31:57.052 --> 01:32:00.007
See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.

2910
01:32:00.007 --> 01:32:01.195
<v Church>I thought it lights up green</v>

2911
01:32:01.195 --> 01:32:02.216
to indicate flesh wounds.

2912
01:32:02.216 --> 01:32:03.223
<v Doc>Yeah, also that.</v>

2913
01:32:03.223 --> 01:32:04.543
<v Church>And infectious diseases.</v>

2914
01:32:04.543 --> 01:32:06.871
<v Doc>Yeah, it lights up green for just about everything.</v>

2915
01:32:06.871 --> 01:32:08.580
It takes a while to figure out the difference.

2916
01:32:08.580 --> 01:32:11.324
Like this green, indicates a high level of anger

2917
01:32:11.324 --> 01:32:13.304
stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacies.

2918
01:32:13.304 --> 01:32:14.375
<v Church>If that thing keeps talking bad about me</v>

2919
01:32:14.375 --> 01:32:15.563
I'm gonna to fucking smash it.

2920
01:32:15.563 --> 01:32:17.042
<v Doc>And this green means impotency.</v>

2921
01:32:17.042 --> 01:32:19.530
Oops, that green causes impotency.

2922
01:32:19.530 --> 01:32:20.676
My, bad Church.

2923
01:32:20.676 --> 01:32:22.559
<v Church>Oh, that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway.</v>

2924
01:32:22.559 --> 01:32:25.017
<v Doc>See, these tools can be confusing sometimes,</v>

2925
01:32:25.017 --> 01:32:28.055
that's why doctors have to go to school for so long.

2926
01:32:28.055 --> 01:32:29.705
Not that I'm actually a doctor, mind you.

2927
01:32:29.705 --> 01:32:31.383
<v Church>And that's never been more apparent</v>

2928
01:32:31.383 --> 01:32:33.334
than with this diagnosis.

2929
01:32:33.334 --> 01:32:34.861
<v Tucker>What diagnosis?</v>

2930
01:32:34.861 --> 01:32:38.105
<v Doc>Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant.</v>

2931
01:32:38.105 --> 01:32:41.127
<v O'Malley>With bastard. (cackles)</v>

2932
01:32:41.127 --> 01:32:42.495
<v Tucker>It's not mine,</v>

2933
01:32:42.495 --> 01:32:43.659
I wasn't even in town that weekend.

2934
01:32:43.659 --> 01:32:45.595
<v Church>Tucker don't listen to him, he's a lunatic, man,</v>

2935
01:32:45.595 --> 01:32:46.901
he's got no idea what he's talking about.

2936
01:32:46.901 --> 01:32:49.204
<v Doc>You want me to go over the green light thing again?</v>

2937
01:32:49.204 --> 01:32:51.205
<v Caboose>Doctor, help!</v>

2938
01:32:51.205 --> 01:32:53.705
My second best friend is dead!

2939
01:32:54.953 --> 01:32:55.786
Fix him.

2940
01:32:55.786 --> 01:32:58.020
<v Church>Whoa, whoa, Caboose, what happened, who's dead?</v>

2941
01:32:58.020 --> 01:33:00.520
<v Caboose>Andy, Andy's dead.</v>

2942
01:33:01.584 --> 01:33:02.417
Look!

2943
01:33:02.417 --> 01:33:03.863
<v Church>Okay, that's disgusting.</v>

2944
01:33:03.863 --> 01:33:06.913
<v Caboose>Doctor Doc, please help him.</v>

2945
01:33:06.913 --> 01:33:09.435
<v Doc>Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him,</v>

2946
01:33:09.435 --> 01:33:10.474
my first aid procedures

2947
01:33:10.474 --> 01:33:12.898
aren't very effective after decomposition.

2948
01:33:12.898 --> 01:33:13.870
<v Church>Where did you get that?</v>

2949
01:33:13.870 --> 01:33:16.838
<v Caboose>First Tucker dies and now Andy!</v>

2950
01:33:16.838 --> 01:33:18.371
<v Doc>Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant.</v>

2951
01:33:18.371 --> 01:33:20.103
<v Tucker>It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!</v>

2952
01:33:20.103 --> 01:33:21.080
<v Church>Stop that.</v>

2953
01:33:21.080 --> 01:33:22.136
<v Tucker>Hey look man,</v>

2954
01:33:22.136 --> 01:33:23.174
I've been saying that for a long time.

2955
01:33:23.174 --> 01:33:24.626
It's gonna take a while to get used to this.

2956
01:33:24.626 --> 01:33:25.994
<v Church>You're not pregnant!</v>

2957
01:33:25.994 --> 01:33:28.634
<v Caboose>I was just standing outside the base</v>

2958
01:33:28.634 --> 01:33:31.094
and someone told me to turn around

2959
01:33:31.094 --> 01:33:33.032
and when I did, Andy...

2960
01:33:33.032 --> 01:33:34.752
<v Church>Woah wait, who told you to turn around?</v>

2961
01:33:34.752 --> 01:33:38.616
<v Caboose>I don't know, but they were very helpful.</v>

2962
01:33:38.616 --> 01:33:39.557
<v Church>And let me guess,</v>

2963
01:33:39.557 --> 01:33:41.256
when you turned back around, Andy was gone.

2964
01:33:41.256 --> 01:33:43.673
<v Caboose>Yes, he was gone.</v>

2965
01:33:44.556 --> 01:33:48.036
<v Church>(sighs) Everybody stay here, I'll be right back.</v>

2966
01:33:48.036 --> 01:33:49.704
<v Doc>Wait, what do you want me to do</v>

2967
01:33:49.704 --> 01:33:50.544
about the pregnant guy?

2968
01:33:50.544 --> 01:33:51.420
<v Tucker>It's not mine!</v>

2969
01:33:51.420 --> 01:33:53.287
<v Church>He is not pregnant!</v>

2970
01:33:53.287 --> 01:33:54.537
<v Caboose>And what about Andy?</v>

2971
01:33:54.537 --> 01:33:55.740
<v Church>And that's not Andy!</v>

2972
01:33:55.740 --> 01:33:56.880
Just look, stay here!

2973
01:33:56.880 --> 01:33:58.596
(Tucker groaning)

2974
01:33:58.596 --> 01:34:00.017
<v Tucker>Would this be a bad time to mention</v>

2975
01:34:00.017 --> 01:34:01.896
that my stomach just started hurting really bad?

2976
01:34:01.896 --> 01:34:04.925
<v Doc>Oh boy, Caboose, better go boil some water.</v>

2977
01:34:04.925 --> 01:34:07.488
<v Caboose>How could you think of soup at a time like this?</v>

2978
01:34:07.488 --> 01:34:10.524
<v Vic>Here are your orders for winning the war,</v>

2979
01:34:10.524 --> 01:34:12.191
eliminate the enemy.

2980
01:34:13.283 --> 01:34:16.728
Okay, also, try to do better than you are currently doing,

2981
01:34:16.728 --> 01:34:18.636
and please win, thank you.

2982
01:34:18.636 --> 01:34:20.936
<v Grif>That is totally, totally lame,</v>

2983
01:34:20.936 --> 01:34:22.652
and not at all surprising.

2984
01:34:22.652 --> 01:34:25.097
Which is also totally, totally lame.

2985
01:34:25.097 --> 01:34:26.285
<v Simmons>I don't know about that Grif,</v>

2986
01:34:26.285 --> 01:34:27.240
I think there was actually

2987
01:34:27.240 --> 01:34:29.913
some valuable tactical information in there, right Sarge?

2988
01:34:29.913 --> 01:34:31.972
<v Sarge>Simmons, have you lost your last marble?</v>

2989
01:34:31.972 --> 01:34:33.477
That was pure nonsense!

2990
01:34:33.477 --> 01:34:34.548
<v Simmons>Oh, that's what I meant.</v>

2991
01:34:34.548 --> 01:34:37.224
<v Sarge>Eliminate the enemy, what kind of plan is that?</v>

2992
01:34:37.224 --> 01:34:38.724
I think Command has lost it.

2993
01:34:38.724 --> 01:34:39.732
<v Grif>Lost it?</v>

2994
01:34:39.732 --> 01:34:40.788
When did they have it?

2995
01:34:40.788 --> 01:34:43.824
<v Donut>Uh, speaking of the enemy, here comes one now.</v>

2996
01:34:43.824 --> 01:34:45.144
<v Grif>Hey, let's eliminate him.</v>

2997
01:34:45.144 --> 01:34:47.285
Then will have one less thing in the to-do list.

2998
01:34:47.285 --> 01:34:49.517
<v Sarge>I'm just so depressed.</v>

2999
01:34:49.517 --> 01:34:52.800
I can't even threaten your life for being a total jackass.

3000
01:34:52.800 --> 01:34:54.993
Jackass, I'll kill ya.

3001
01:34:54.993 --> 01:34:56.840
<v Donut>Nah, I don't think eliminating him</v>

3002
01:34:56.840 --> 01:34:58.198
is gonna be easy.

3003
01:34:58.198 --> 01:35:00.024
It looks like he's bringing his tank with him.

3004
01:35:00.024 --> 01:35:01.539
<v Simmons>What are you talking about Donut?</v>

3005
01:35:01.539 --> 01:35:02.532
The tank isn't coming out here.

3006
01:35:02.532 --> 01:35:03.804
Look, it's not even moving.

3007
01:35:03.804 --> 01:35:05.388
<v Donut>Yes it is, look!</v>

3008
01:35:05.388 --> 01:35:06.528
<v Grif>Hey Sarge, cheer up,</v>

3009
01:35:06.528 --> 01:35:08.178
I've known Command was stupid all along.

3010
01:35:08.178 --> 01:35:09.960
It could be hard at first but you'll get used to it.

3011
01:35:09.960 --> 01:35:12.683
<v Sarge>Just leave me alone. (sobs)</v>

3012
01:35:12.683 --> 01:35:13.836
<v Simmons>Donut, I am looking,</v>

3013
01:35:13.836 --> 01:35:16.032
and if it was getting closer, it would be getting bigger.

3014
01:35:16.032 --> 01:35:18.768
<v Donut>It is getting bigger, compared to that tree!</v>

3015
01:35:18.768 --> 01:35:19.728
<v Simmons>What tree?</v>

3016
01:35:19.728 --> 01:35:21.096
There aren't any trees out here!

3017
01:35:21.096 --> 01:35:22.430
<v Grif>You want to call me an idiot, Sarge?</v>

3018
01:35:22.430 --> 01:35:23.585
That always makes you feel better.

3019
01:35:23.585 --> 01:35:25.289
<v Sarge>Oh shut up, moron!</v>

3020
01:35:25.289 --> 01:35:27.168
<v Grif>Ah, feels better, right?</v>

3021
01:35:27.168 --> 01:35:29.051
<v Sarge>Yeah, I guess a little.</v>

3022
01:35:29.051 --> 01:35:30.420
<v Simmons>Nope, not moving.</v>

3023
01:35:30.420 --> 01:35:31.524
<v Donut>Yes it is!</v>

3024
01:35:31.524 --> 01:35:32.820
See look closer.
<v ->Firing main cannon.</v>

3025
01:35:32.820 --> 01:35:34.761
(explosion booms)

3026
01:35:34.761 --> 01:35:36.587
<v Simmons>Okay, you're right, it's coming this way.</v>

3027
01:35:36.587 --> 01:35:37.935
<v Donut>Run!</v>

3028
01:35:37.935 --> 01:35:38.960
(Red team shouting )

3029
01:35:38.960 --> 01:35:42.544
<v ->Firing main cannon.
(explosions booming)</v>

3030
01:35:42.544 --> 01:35:45.368
Firing main cannon.
(explosions booming)

3031
01:35:45.368 --> 01:35:48.138
Firing main cannon.
<v ->Run!</v>

3032
01:35:48.138 --> 01:35:49.277
<v Sarge>Regroup, men!</v>

3033
01:35:49.277 --> 01:35:51.125
Grif, start passing out additional ammo.

3034
01:35:51.125 --> 01:35:52.071
<v Grif>Uh.</v>

3035
01:35:52.071 --> 01:35:53.903
<v Sarge>Simmons, pass out the ammo you brought</v>

3036
01:35:53.903 --> 01:35:55.142
because you knew Grif would forget.

3037
01:35:55.142 --> 01:35:56.480
<v Simmons>Already on it, sir.</v>

3038
01:35:56.480 --> 01:35:57.650
<v Sarge>Return fire, men.</v>

3039
01:35:57.650 --> 01:35:59.428
I'll call for reinforcements.

3040
01:35:59.428 --> 01:36:01.280
Come in Command, come in!

3041
01:36:01.280 --> 01:36:02.642
<v Vic>Hey dude, come in.</v>

3042
01:36:02.642 --> 01:36:04.522
Hey, what's going on, that sounds like fun.

3043
01:36:04.522 --> 01:36:05.629
<v Sarge>Vic, we need help.</v>

3044
01:36:05.629 --> 01:36:08.032
Simmons, get busy negotiating a surrender.

3045
01:36:08.032 --> 01:36:09.871
<v Simmons>Okay, how about we give them our base?</v>

3046
01:36:09.871 --> 01:36:12.325
<v Donut>oh, good idea. We can live in the caves!</v>

3047
01:36:12.325 --> 01:36:13.598
<v Simmons>We can let them kill Grif!</v>

3048
01:36:13.598 --> 01:36:15.217
<v Sarge>Simmons, you're suppose to negotiate</v>

3049
01:36:15.217 --> 01:36:17.078
their surrender, not ours!

3050
01:36:17.078 --> 01:36:18.815
Vic, are you still there?

3051
01:36:18.815 --> 01:36:19.802
<v Simmons>Hey Blues!</v>

3052
01:36:19.802 --> 01:36:21.518
Oh, I mean Blue!

3053
01:36:21.518 --> 01:36:24.004
We're only gonna give you one chance to surrender.

3054
01:36:24.004 --> 01:36:25.605
<v ->What, Why would I--
(cannon booms)</v>

3055
01:36:25.605 --> 01:36:27.189
Hey, hold on a second, Sheila.

3056
01:36:27.189 --> 01:36:28.685
Why would I surrender?

3057
01:36:28.685 --> 01:36:29.860
(Red team whispering)

3058
01:36:29.860 --> 01:36:31.640
<v Simmons>Um, because you're outnumbered.</v>

3059
01:36:31.640 --> 01:36:33.635
<v Church>Bullshit dude, I got a tank!</v>

3060
01:36:33.635 --> 01:36:35.668
People with tanks are never outnumbered.

3061
01:36:35.668 --> 01:36:37.213
(Red team whispering)

3062
01:36:37.213 --> 01:36:39.196
<v Simmons>We also think that it's your turn to surrender.</v>

3063
01:36:39.196 --> 01:36:40.029
<v Church>What?</v>

3064
01:36:40.029 --> 01:36:41.548
<v Simmons>Well, if you'll recall,</v>

3065
01:36:41.548 --> 01:36:45.071
first you surrendered and you guys gave us Doc.

3066
01:36:45.071 --> 01:36:47.812
And then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep.

3067
01:36:47.812 --> 01:36:50.299
Now, that means that-
<v ->Sheila, shut him up.</v>

3068
01:36:50.299 --> 01:36:52.088
(cannon booms)
<v ->Son of a bitch!</v>

3069
01:36:52.088 --> 01:36:53.329
<v Donut>Is that a no?</v>

3070
01:36:53.329 --> 01:36:55.207
<v Church>Okay guys, I don't mean to be rude,</v>

3071
01:36:55.207 --> 01:36:57.949
but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant,

3072
01:36:57.949 --> 01:37:01.645
an idiot who thinks his pet just died and our worst enemy

3073
01:37:01.645 --> 01:37:04.315
is hanging out unsupervised in our base right now.

3074
01:37:04.315 --> 01:37:07.226
So I really, really, really,

3075
01:37:07.226 --> 01:37:10.700
don't have time for this horseshit right now.

3076
01:37:10.700 --> 01:37:13.802
<v Grif>Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?</v>

3077
01:37:13.802 --> 01:37:16.033
<v Church>He's not pregnant, that's impossible!</v>

3078
01:37:16.033 --> 01:37:21.033
<v Andy>(laughs) Yeah, unless the alien impregnated him.</v>

3079
01:37:21.078 --> 01:37:22.369
'Cause that's what they do.

3080
01:37:22.369 --> 01:37:26.762
They infect the host with the parasitic embryo.

3081
01:37:26.762 --> 01:37:30.055
But you already knew that, right?

3082
01:37:30.055 --> 01:37:30.888
Right?

3083
01:37:30.888 --> 01:37:31.734
<v Church>What? No!</v>

3084
01:37:31.734 --> 01:37:33.747
Why didn't you tell us that could happen?

3085
01:37:33.747 --> 01:37:36.993
<v Andy>Uh, I mean uh, alien baby?</v>

3086
01:37:36.993 --> 01:37:38.699
How could that have happened?

3087
01:37:38.699 --> 01:37:40.699
I am shocked as you are.

3088
01:37:41.765 --> 01:37:43.726
<v Caboose>Come in, Church, come in.</v>

3089
01:37:43.726 --> 01:37:45.497
<v Church>Caboose, What did I tell you, man?</v>

3090
01:37:45.497 --> 01:37:48.311
You're not supposed to use the radio while O'Malley's here!

3091
01:37:48.311 --> 01:37:50.159
Oh great, now I'm on the radio too.

3092
01:37:50.159 --> 01:37:52.497
<v Caboose>Oh, that's why I'm calling to tell you,</v>

3093
01:37:52.497 --> 01:37:57.319
the Reds already use their radio and O'Malley is gone.

3094
01:37:57.319 --> 01:37:58.739
<v Church>Oh my god!</v>

3095
01:37:58.739 --> 01:38:01.907
<v Sarge>That's right Blue, we've called in the cavalry.</v>

3096
01:38:01.907 --> 01:38:04.811
As we speak, the glorious Red Command

3097
01:38:04.811 --> 01:38:06.742
is sending a ship to aid us.

3098
01:38:06.742 --> 01:38:10.751
No doubt it's a battle cruiser of the highest magnitude.

3099
01:38:10.751 --> 01:38:13.105
It's time to end this thing once and for all!

3100
01:38:13.105 --> 01:38:15.938
(Tucker groaning)

3101
01:38:17.577 --> 01:38:20.877
<v Doc>Congratulations, it's a, thing.</v>

3102
01:38:20.877 --> 01:38:23.655
<v Baby Alien>Honk honk, blarg!</v>

3103
01:38:23.655 --> 01:38:24.828
<v Church>What was that?</v>

3104
01:38:24.828 --> 01:38:26.988
<v Caboose>Um, that's the other thing I called about.</v>

3105
01:38:26.988 --> 01:38:28.457
Tucker had his gross baby.

3106
01:38:28.457 --> 01:38:29.958
<v Tucker>It's not mine!</v>

3107
01:38:29.958 --> 01:38:31.938
<v Church>He is not pregnant!</v>

3108
01:38:31.938 --> 01:38:33.619
Sheila, stay here.

3109
01:38:33.619 --> 01:38:35.238
If anybody moves, shoot 'em.

3110
01:38:35.238 --> 01:38:36.294
<v Donut>A baby!</v>

3111
01:38:36.294 --> 01:38:38.035
Wait up, I want to see!

3112
01:38:38.035 --> 01:38:39.411
<v Sarge>Donut, get back here!</v>

3113
01:38:39.411 --> 01:38:40.302
Wait for the ship.

3114
01:38:40.302 --> 01:38:42.366
<v Donut>But Sarge, we don't know when the ship</v>

3115
01:38:42.366 --> 01:38:43.199
is gonna get here!

3116
01:38:43.199 --> 01:38:44.935
It's coming all the way from Earth.

3117
01:38:44.935 --> 01:38:48.659
That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!

3118
01:38:48.659 --> 01:38:51.326
(Pelican thuds)

3119
01:38:54.831 --> 01:38:55.724
<v Simmons>Ship's here.</v>

3120
01:38:55.724 --> 01:38:57.026
<v Grif>Shotgun.</v>

3121
01:38:57.026 --> 01:39:00.359
("No One" by Trocadero)

3122
01:39:11.232 --> 01:39:15.205
♪ Where is the one who will mourn me when I'm gone ♪

3123
01:39:15.205 --> 01:39:18.522
♪ Who will pour water on my bed of dirt ♪

3124
01:39:18.522 --> 01:39:23.522
♪ Who will breathe fire on my neck at night ♪

3125
01:39:24.907 --> 01:39:28.139
♪ I heard someone say there's a chance that I would meet her ♪

3126
01:39:28.139 --> 01:39:31.542
♪ I could be Persephone and she Demeter ♪

3127
01:39:31.542 --> 01:39:36.542
♪ To pull me from the underground that I call home ♪

3128
01:39:38.424 --> 01:39:41.886
♪ Her name is no one no one no one ♪

3129
01:39:41.886 --> 01:39:45.301
♪ She blinds me with her eyes 'cause she's the one, the one ♪

3130
01:39:45.301 --> 01:39:50.301
♪ She lives somewhere not here not here not here ♪

3131
01:39:58.866 --> 01:40:02.316
♪ My lovers are as smooth as a politician's tongue ♪

3132
01:40:02.316 --> 01:40:07.316
♪ The more I look for goodness the more that I find none ♪

3133
01:40:09.180 --> 01:40:12.623
♪ I heard someone say that she's honest and good ♪

3134
01:40:12.623 --> 01:40:21.055
♪ Heard someone say that she's honest and good ♪

3136
01:40:21.517 --> 01:40:26.517
♪ Her name is no one no one no one no one no one no one ♪

3137
01:40:31.598 --> 01:40:34.849
♪ Her name is no one no one no one ♪

3138
01:40:34.849 --> 01:40:38.314
♪ She blinds me with her eyes 'cause she's the one, the one ♪

3139
01:40:38.314 --> 01:40:42.981
♪ She lives somewhere not here not here ♪

3140
01:40:58.826 --> 01:41:01.994
♪ I measure out my days with sips of a Corona ♪

3141
01:41:01.994 --> 01:41:05.594
♪ I'm pretty sure she drives an old fucked up Corolla ♪

3142
01:41:05.594 --> 01:41:10.594
♪ To pull me from the underground that I call home ♪

3143
01:41:12.475 --> 01:41:13.860
♪ I've a funny feeling ♪

3144
01:41:13.860 --> 01:41:15.359
♪ There's no chance that I will meet her ♪

3145
01:41:15.359 --> 01:41:20.359
♪ So I'll measure out my nights to my metronome's meter ♪

3146
01:41:23.541 --> 01:41:33.125
♪ Her name is no one ♪